99 lines
5.7 KiB
Plaintext
99 lines
5.7 KiB
Plaintext
,...
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$$$$
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$$$$T""P$$$ba, ,gd&P""T&bg. ,gd&P""T&bg.
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ggggggggggg $$$$ $$$$$b d$$$$ $$$$b d$$$$ $$$$$b ggggggggggg
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""""""""""" $$$$ $$$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$bxxP&$$&P """""""""""
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$$$$ $$$$$$ T$$$$ $$$$P T$$$$
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$$$"""""" " """" $$$$$$ "T&$bxxd$&P" "T&$bxx$$$$$' " """"""$$$
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""" """""" """
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ggg "Large Bowl of Cereal with a Side Order of Morals" ggg
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$$$ by -> LatinMan $$$
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$$$ $$$
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$$$ [ HOE E-Zine #963 -- 12/16/99 -- http://www.hoe.nu ] .,$$$
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`"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'
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There's nothing that sticks out in my mind about my childhood than
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waking up early Saturday mornings and watching cartoons. Running to the
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kitchen in my Alf underoos and fixing a pot full of Count Chocula so I
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could vegitate hours on end in front of the living room T.V. Acting out
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each and every fighting scene from He-Man with my older cousin, who would
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always kick my ass even if he was the bad guy.
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Looking back on those days now I realize how much each and every
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one of those cartoons shaped me into who I am today. From learning how
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to tread water from Snake Eyes to always looking on the bright side from
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the Care Bears. I learned that being small doesn't mean you can't kick
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some wizard ass from the Smurfs I even learned how not to eat apples
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during Halloween because they might have razor blades in them from Mc
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Gruff the Crimedog. Each cartoon somehow showing morals of somekind
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during their 16 minutes and 48 seconds of airtime. It was done in such a
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way that no child knew they were being spoon fed the "American Dream"
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with every spoonful of cereal they ate.
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The children of the '90s don't have the same strong basis in
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morals as we did in the '80s. No longer is it about entertainment laced
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with self improving thoughts, but entertainment laced with advertisements
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for some new line of toys. Pokemon isn't here for children to learn, or
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even have fun watching. It seems more like a marketing ploy to buy a
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shitload of cards and see how many toys you can buy, what other reason
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could there be for there being fucking like 800 pokemon for the
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toy-aholics to collect.
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Yes the cartoons of the '80s also spinned off hundreds of action
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figures, battle head quarters, and dream houses, but that was not the
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sole purpose of the cartoons. I must admit, between my cousin and I, we
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had about 400 dollars worth of assorted G.I. Joes and we used to hold
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these elaborate battle sequences that would last for hours on end. One
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of the battles which sticks out most in my mind is the great battle on
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Darmon's Bluff.
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Briefing: Normal reconnaisance mission. Easy in and out mission.
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But something terribly goes wrong and the enemy finds out about the
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mission and the whereabouts of my base on Darmon's Bluff.
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The battle begins there, and the last scene 4.2 hours later at
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1300 hours, both my cousin and I battle weary and hungry from not eating
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all day long, stand there with 4 men a piece fighting on a cliff. Both
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squads forced to Hand 2 Hand combat due to the lack of ammo. Suddenly
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remembering the lone sentry I left upon a remote seldom used outpost I
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fly him in immediately using his combat glider. Rather than land and
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join in the melee I decided to shoot his only missile at both my troops
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and the enemy's. My cousin came out with one of the most memorable
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things he has ever said to me:
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Session Start: Fri Feb 07 13:08:13 1987
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*** Now talking in #GIJOE
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*** Topic is 'Battle at Darmon's Bluff'
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*** Set by Cousin145 on Fri Dec 03 17:20:30
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<Cousin145> You can't do that
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<LatinBoy> Why not? I will win if I do
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<Cousin145> I dont care, G.I. Joe just wouldn't do that
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<LatinBoy> I dont care, I want to friggin win
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*** Mother69 sets mode: +b *!He-Man@CastleGrayskull.org
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*** Skeletor was kicked by Mother69 (FilterKick! "Posing as He-Man")
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<Cousin145> Look, don't you remember the time Destro was going to
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kill Scarlett? And like ShipWreck had the choice to
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either try to go for Destro and probably kill Scarlett
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or be honorable and give himself up, he chose to give
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himself up...
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<LatinBoy> Yes, you're right :o(
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<Cousin145> Our battle ends now because we have both learned a
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lesson.
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<LatinBoy> What lesson did you learn?
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<Cousin145> That you're gonna make a great politician
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<LatinBoy> What the hell does that mean?
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*** Signoff: Cousin145 (You'll find out you dildo.)
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<LatinBoy> WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ALL ABOUT @#%@%#@%#%@@#$$@#$
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*** You were kicked from #GIJOE by Mother69 (Come to Dinner)
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Session Close: Fri Feb 07 13:18:25 1987
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With those few words, my cousin showed me what he had learned from
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G.I.Joe. You will never see a kid suddenly realize that his level 62
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Raichu shouldn't use full force attack on a lowly level 2 Mr. Mime.
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Thats just something that isn't incorporated in the scripts for this
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cartoon. Sure there are examples of good cartoons that have come about
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in the '90s but none will even come close to those that represent the
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'80s at their best. I rather have my cheesy ass drawn He-Man episodes
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then any high-tech fluff that they produce today, cuz they just aint
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worth shit to me. This is LatinMan signing off, and remember kids, the
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more you know the easier the task, because "Knowing is half the battle."
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[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #963, BY LATINMAN - 12/16/99 ]
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