117 lines
7.2 KiB
Plaintext
117 lines
7.2 KiB
Plaintext
,...
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$$$$
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$$$$T""P$$$ba, ,gd&P""T&bg. ,gd&P""T&bg.
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ggggggggggg $$$$ $$$$$b d$$$$ $$$$b d$$$$ $$$$$b ggggggggggg
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""""""""""" $$$$ $$$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$bxxP&$$&P """""""""""
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$$$$ $$$$$$ T$$$$ $$$$P T$$$$
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$$$"""""" " """" $$$$$$ "T&$bxxd$&P" "T&$bxx$$$$$' " """"""$$$
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""" """""" """
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ggg "New Jersey Is Out Of Control And Must Be Destroyed" ggg
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$$$ by -> Mogel $$$
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$$$ $$$
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$$$ [ HOE E-Zine #955 -- 12/14/99 -- http://www.hoe.nu ] .,$$$
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`"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'
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Could someone people turn off the New Jersey experiment? It's
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really starting to smell pretty bad here in Philadelphia from it. And I
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keep looking over the Delaware river, at Camden, and I keep seeing people
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getting shot one after another. It really grates in the psyche at some
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point.
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My professor in school told me that the primitive people in New
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Jersey were actually a scientific, sociological experiment that begun
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over one-hundred years ago to see if a perfectly crafted dystopia
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society could exist--but it has gone horribly, horribly wrong (right?).
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I can see why he says that. Sometimes I turn on the news and I
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see another story about toxic waste and I'm not really sure why an actual
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government would have a lot of toxic waste in the place that they live.
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They do know that they're alive and that toxic waste is actually a
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hurtful thing, right?
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I think whoever first thought up the idea was a mad genius. It's
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the only possible reason I could come up with for why people live there.
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THERE IS NOTHING TO DO THERE. Oh, sure, on the surface this seems
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like no big deal, right? There's thousands upon thousands of towns in
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America with nothing to do...
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But there has never been a place in the history of the world so
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carefully crafted or so intentionally constructed to create such a
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sha-bang of pain-encrusted irony. But not just that--it suggests that
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whoever designed this society... this New Jersey... did it with the goal
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that these people would be tortured forever--much like an outer sphere of
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Hell. Why do we keep this thing around?
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Part of the under-handed, death-trap nature of the state is that
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there's no immediate, logical reason why it should be SO utterly boring.
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On the surface, New Jersey has a slew of nice beaches and nice state
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parks. It also has the densest population per square mile of any state
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in the U.S. It also happens to have a lot of upper middle class or rich
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folks there. With so many people, and a lot of money, you'd think that
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for sure there'd be something there. But there's not. Why?
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I can only assume this has to do with the original function of
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Jersey. That is, a place between two cities. This puppy lies between
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Philadelphia and New York. There's a significant number of its residents
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who work in one of the two cities and live in New Jersey. Yes, you've
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guessed it -- it's an entire state that functions like a suburb. Like
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most suburbs, there is this "The city is bad! We must hide in peaceful,
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quiet, safe [BORING] places!" philosophy. New Jersey holds true to this.
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But if this were the only reason, I wouldn't be so frightened.
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The greatest evidence for the true demented design of this state is
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simply the physical arrangement. The roads in New Jersey seem to take up
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far more importance than the actual people, and function like main
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arteries with all of the pizza shops and stupid shit and jug-handles, and
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then off to the side are blocked portions of houses. And that's the
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entire state -- big main roads surrounded by residential areas and woods.
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And, like most suburbs, there is a huge emphasis made on being able
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to drive. Without a car, you almost don't exist. And, strangely
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enough... you'd *think* that a state entirely dependent on cars might
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encourage far more diversity in the sorts of stores one could travel
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to, but it doesn't. Driving through almost any part of New Jersey is
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like driving through almost any other part. It really is that bad.
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Imagine Hell as a place where the stores you could go to were pizza
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shops, Chinese food, Bennigans, and alcohol distributors.
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"Hey, that's great! No matter where you go, you can trust that
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you'll always be able to find a diner, a 7-11, or a bar! Life sure is
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simple!"
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Oh, lord is there alcohol. And what do you imagine happens when
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there's this whole population of suburban-like kids growing up with nothing
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to do? Here's some thoughtful parents. Well, you don't have to be a
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genius to do the math here:
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BOREDOM leads to SEX and DRUGS.
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Obviously there's exceptions, but New Jersey truly is a breeding
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ground for massive amounts of sexual activity and drugs. I'm certainly
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not condemning such behavior -- I'm pointing out how disturbingly
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prevalent it really is. Virtually every kid is into drugs and lacks any
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sense of style about it. Kids drink in the woods instead of in their
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perfectly not-dirty homes. This behavior creates terms like "bustass"
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and "hootchie mama".
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And "boot". Boot is a word that has like 50 different meanings.
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Here's some very common uses:
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"Let's boot the shore!" = "Let's go to the shore!"
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"Let's go boot!" = "Let's go smoke pot!"
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"I booted her!" = "I had sex with her!"
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And of course there's "bennys". Bennys are what the people who live
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at the shore call the tourists who come to the shore during the summer.
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That's New Jersey pride.
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And it's also the funniest part about the entire state. Everything
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I said above is blatantly obvious -- state is the biggest shithole in the
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country, yet there is no state that has residents that are so proud of it
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like Jersey residents are. If you go to Jersey and insult it and you'll
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get lynched. It's really quite interesting to see many of the people
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who live in New Jersey defend it as being "such a beautiful state, and it's
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so up scale." It must be some kind of conditioning combination of the toxic
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chemicals and the "up with NJ" brainwashing. It's the only possible
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explanation why anyone would support a place that's so absolutely
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horrible. I see New Jersey symbolized as a slightly retarded child with
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a giant "KICK ME" sign on its back, with fresh footprint stains on it,
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smiling dumbly, like he just ate some candy.
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This "we're up scale" argument is also really amusing because the
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most urban-like areas of New Jersey are also some of the most decrepid
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and awful places I've ever seen, like Camden, Asbury Park, and the king
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of them all, Newark.
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I really think it's about time someone did something about New
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Jersey. Whatever scientific data needed to be collected has most
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certainly been extrapolated. Sometimes you just have to put the patient
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out of its misery. Please... do it soon.
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[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #955, BY MOGEL - 12/14/99 ]
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