57 lines
3.5 KiB
Plaintext
57 lines
3.5 KiB
Plaintext
,...
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$$$$
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$$$$T""P$$$ba, ,gd&P""T&bg. ,gd&P""T&bg.
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ggggggggggg $$$$ $$$$$b d$$$$ $$$$b d$$$$ $$$$$b ggggggggggg
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""""""""""" $$$$ $$$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$bxxP&$$&P """""""""""
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$$$$ $$$$$$ T$$$$ $$$$P T$$$$
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$$$"""""" " """" $$$$$$ "T&$bxxd$&P" "T&$bxx$$$$$' " """"""$$$
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""" """""" """
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ggg "If I Could Have Lunch With Any Famous Person In History" ggg
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$$$ by -> Ashtray Heart $$$
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$$$ $$$
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$$$ [ HOE E-Zine #931 -- 12/05/99 -- http://www.hoe.nu ] .,$$$
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`"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'
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If I could have lunch with any famous person in history, living or
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dead, it would be Jesus Christ. There are so many things I would like to
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say to him and ask him about. I would drive him out to the Blue Boar in
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my car, the Crankmobile, and I would ask him, "So, Jesus, are you into
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Can?" Because I bet Jesus really would get into krautrock. Like, I'm
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pretty sure Jesus is a big Brian Eno fan, so I'd ask him if he'd heard
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that song on Robert Wyatt's latest album, Shleep, that Eno plays on,
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"Heaps of Sheeps". "It's pretty cool," I'd say. And then we'd get into
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talking about Fripp and Eno, and I'd ask if he'd ever read that diary Eno
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kept for Melody Maker back in '78. He wrote Robert Fripp a letter
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suggesting that they collaborate again, and Robert Fripp wrote back and
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he said "Only if you buy me a dildo. Here are the exact specifications
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the dildo has to meet." And then he signed it "Mr. Meany Mouth". And
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then we'd both crack up, probably, because the thought of Robert Fripp
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demanding that Brian Eno buy him a dildo is just so darned cool. Then
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he'd probably turn me on to some cool obscure stuff I hadn't heard of
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before, and I'd say, "Dude, I wish I'd brought a CD player so we could
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listen to this shit!" I would actually say "dude", I would call Jesus
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"dude", because when I get all hyped up and geeked out about really cool
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music, I say stuff like "dude", and "Dude, that is so awesome!" Then I'd
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say that we'd HAVE to go out to Ear X-tacy later, because it's the
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COOLEST music store.
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So we'd go there and Jesus would probably buy the Captain
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Beefheart box set, and we'd talk about how cool Nick Drake is and how
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he's still cool even though like everybody is finally starting to figure
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out how damn cool he is and he's getting extremely trendy, which is funny
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for him having been dead 25 years. Which would cause Jesus to make a
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little wry comment to the effect of "You think he had it bad? I had to
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be dead 300 years before I got cool!" And then I'd remember that I was
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like talking to JESUS. And I'd laugh and say maybe "Fuckin' A", but
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probably not because I try not to curse in public. I don't want to
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offend anybody.
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Eventually Jesus would have to go and I'd say "Well, man, it was
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really great meeting you; I hope you enjoyed the lunch. Let me know what
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you think of the box set." And he'd say "Yeah, it was good meeting you,
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too, talk to you later." And I'd think to myself, "If I ever get
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married, I'm going to have to invite him to my wedding, probably."
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[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #901, BY ASHTRAY HEART - 12/05/99 ]
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