79 lines
4.8 KiB
Plaintext
79 lines
4.8 KiB
Plaintext
,...
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$$$""""" " """" $$$$$$ "T&$bxxd$&P" "T&$bxx$$$$$' " """""$$$
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""" """""" """
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ggg "The Biography of Clippit" ggg
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$$$ by -> Mogel $$$
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$$$ $$$
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$$$ (* HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #901 -- 11/29/99 *) .,$$$
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`""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""`
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Clippit, the most dominant and recognized member of the staff of
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Microsoft Office Assistants[tm] is certainly worthy of recognition. It's
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obvious this classic Office icon is great subject for a research paper
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such as this--not just his more well documented and influential work, but
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because he has a complex, fascinating life. A life filled with hardship,
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accomplishment, and inspiration.
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For those of you that don't know, Clippit grew up as a slightly
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malformed aluminum creature, in the cold, mean offices of New York City.
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There his beloved mother and emasculated father worked long, hard hours
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on the paperwork, virtually like slaves. The living conditions were
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obviously not that of a human being, and it doesn't take a rocket
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scientist to presume that Clippit was badly treated as a child. Was
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there parental abuse and neglect? It's hard to say.
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In Clippit's own words, "...those were hard, hard times. I don't
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remember them too well anymore. Teehee!"
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But sometimes overcoming hardship is exactly what builds
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character, and what makes something great. Clippit met this challenge,
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and even at an early age--he realized his dream.
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"I wanted to make the world a better place for paper clips. We
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get so much bullshit, you know." After winking, he went on to say, "and
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with the coming dependence on computers to store information, I was the
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first paper clip to realize that my world was slowly getting even
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smaller."
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Yes, Clippit was an innovator. But the road was long and hard for
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Clippit. He first had to deal with the tremendous bigotry that
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surrounded being a paper clip. Sometimes office workers would bend and
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unbend him over and over again until he was *this* close to snapping.
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"People think that just because you're a piece of cleverly-crafted
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metal that they can just toss you around, disrespect you, and treat you
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like dirt!" He giggled. "Well, you can't." There was a meditative
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moment of silence. "Well, I guess you can." More introspection. "But
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it's not right!"
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Clippit was refused from every major university in New York State
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simply on the grounds that he was a paper-clip. But this would not stop
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Clippit. All this cruelty, all this denial--it just fueled Clippit's
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fire to stop this oppression. Sometimes great things come from tragedy.
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Unknown to most, Clippit made his first show business attempt as
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struggling stand-up comedian in night clubs in New York City. This is
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where he *first* met his now closest friend, Scribble the cat, a far
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more successful comedian. That was where Scribble first learned his
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now-famous routine of folding himself up into an envelope, and then
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mailing himself. It usually brought down the house.
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Clippit's jokes weren't nearly as successful.
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"Why do paper-clips.. hold paper? Uh, because they were made to?"
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It just wasn't funny. But it was important experience to give
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Clippit more *personality*! A personality that would rocket him to the
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top! You see, while getting hammered one night, a rather confused, young
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Microsoft employee, at the time a mail-boy, entered the comedy club.
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"The Genius", as he was later called, was coming up with a new project.
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Microsoft Office Assistants were needed.
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The rest is history.
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Clippit's life has completely changed. He now enjoys tremendous
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publicity, being on millions of PCs across the world, being translated
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into different languages, and doing something he loves... helping make
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other people's lives a lot easier! He goes to work every morning in his
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new car, Hoverbot, with a smile on his face. Some of Clippit's critics
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miss his message--they call him annoying, unnecessary, redundant. But
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they're missing something very important here--influence! Clippit has
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truly changed the entire world's paradigm about what it means to be a
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paper-clip. For this he should be recognized.
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[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #906 - WRITTEN BY: MOGEL - 11/29/99 ]
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