83 lines
3.6 KiB
Plaintext
83 lines
3.6 KiB
Plaintext
,...
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$$$$
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$$$$T""P$$$ba, ,gd&P""T&bg. ,gd&P""T&bg.
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gggggggggg $$$$ $$$$$b d$$$$ $$$$b d$$$$ $$$$$b ggggggggggg
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"""""""""" $$$$ $$$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$bxxP&$$&P """""""""""
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$$$$ $$$$$$ T$$$$ $$$$P T$$$$
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$$$""""" " """" $$$$$$ "T&$bxxd$&P" "T&$bxx$$$$$' " """""$$$
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""" """""" """
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ggg "Bread: Some Shocking Facts" ggg
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$$$ by -> Angeldust $$$
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$$$ $$$
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$$$ (* HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #903 -- 11/29/99 *) .,$$$
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`""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""`
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I have done a little research, and what I have discovered should
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make anyone think twice.
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1. More than 98% of convicted felons are bread users.
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2. Fully HALF of all children who grew up in bread consuming
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households score below average on standardized tests.
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3. In the 18th century, where virtually all bread was baked in
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the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years;
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infant mortality rates were exceptionally high; many women
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died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow
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fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
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4. More than 90% of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours
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of consuming bread.
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5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been
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proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to
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suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more than that in
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one month.
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6. Primitive tribal societies that have no low bread exhibit a
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low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's Disease, Parkinson's
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Disease, as well as osteoporosis.
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7. Bread is often a "gateway" food item. It leads the user to
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harder items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even
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cold cuts.
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8. Bread had been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of
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bread and given only water to eat begged for bread in as
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little as two days.
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9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body
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is 90% water, it follows that eating bread could lead your
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body to your body being taken over by this absorptive product,
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turning you into a soggy, gooey, bread pudding person.
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10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
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11. Bread is baked in temperatures as high as 400 degrees
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Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than
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one minute.
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12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish
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between significant scientific fact and meaningless
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statistical babble.
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In light of these frightening statistics, I propose the following
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bread restrictions:
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1. No sale of bread to minors.
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2. A nationwide "Just Say No to Toast" campaign, complete with
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celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
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3. A 300% Federal Tax on all bread to pay for the societal ills
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we might associate with bread.
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4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may
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appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
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5. The establishment of "Bread Free Zones" around all schools.
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[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #903 - BY: ANGELDUST - 11/29/99 ]
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