197 lines
5.1 KiB
Plaintext
197 lines
5.1 KiB
Plaintext
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(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)
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(*) (*) * (*)~*~(*) HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #898
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* 0 0 ~ 0 *
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~ 0 0 ~* *~ 0 hOGS ~ "Pumpcon Awards"
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( 0*~*~*0 ( ) 0*~*~ oF )
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~ 0 0 ~ ~ 0 eNTROPY ~ by Slawz
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* 0 0 * * 0 * 11-7-99
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(*) (*) ~ (*)~*~(*)
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(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)
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Well kids, another Pumpcon has come and gone. I am introducing a new
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tradition this year, since this is the first year I was somewhat involved
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with running it, Pumpcon Awards!@#.
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It was as a whole a pretty successful con I guess, if you could call
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it that. It'd be better off labelled as a binge drinking and drugging
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festival. This year there was a fistfight (if you can call it that, it
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looked more like rockem sockem robots.) and a new bartab record, somewhere
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along the lines of $9000 for the 48 hours we occupied the bar.
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These awards are judged solely by me, and other ghetto.org members.
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--slawz
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P.S. See the bottom for the Pumpcon Sexchart
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[-----]
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Top Ten Coolest People
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1. case (World record holder for number of times "BITCH MAINTAIN" screamed.)
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2. andrea (Great personality)
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3. swern ("Take a shower with me!")
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4. ophie (JD Chugging Champ)
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5. juliet (Vodka Chugging Champ)
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6. U4EA
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7. sw_r
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8. angus
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9. Devi0us (absent most of the con, even though he organized it. wtf?)
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10. Nirva (Most piercings)
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Honorable Mention: miff, xyg, and alpaca. Funny motherfuckers.
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Also Joe630.
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Top Ten Fags
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1. ajax (He got owned and can't take it, "LOOK I HAVE A LEXUS, LOOK AT MY
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KEYS")
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1. Netkita (NO ONE LIKES YOU, SCRANTON TRASH. GET IT THROUGH YOUR SKULL)
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2. tersian (mind your own business)
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3. l4rry (Way too sweaty)
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4. Miff (starting unnecessary fights, totally ruled otherwise)
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4. Alpaca (see above. also spitting)
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5. Joe630 (only because he's gay)
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6. Mindscrew (owes me 50 bucks bitch)
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7. sdr (Walking talking chicken mcnugget)
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8. z0rch (40 year old gimp who almost got us kicked out of our room for
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taking the screens off the windows)
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Honorable Mention: Mogel (Pajama Wearing Mute)
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Biggest Poop Award: sw_r (4 bottles of beer in mb, 4 bottles of beer!)
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Most Vomit Award: Gaunt (BLERGH)
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Worst Couple (or coupling u could say): sw_r + kt
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Honorable Mention: atreyu + netkita
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Drunkest Person: kubiak
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Biggest Hangover: sw_r
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Best Boy Band: 31337 Degrees (JOEY Z)
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Best Coked Up Speech: Angus
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Best Assault on a Police Officer: U4EA
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Best WWF Move: tersian
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Worst Fighting Ability: ajax
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Funniest Ajax Fighting Impersonation: Swern + Alpaca (ROCKEM SOCKEM ROBOTS)
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Most Mulch Eaten: dk
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Gayest Car: ajax
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Coolest Car: slawz
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Coolest Newcomers: eubern1g, ju1ce
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Most Annoying: sdr
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Best Ass: ophie
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Best Eyes: L0ra
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Best Face: andrea
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Best Breasts: Joe630
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Best Beard: kt
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Most Charming: L0ra
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Best Hair Color: shinex
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Best Personality: andrea
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Best Conversationalist: andrea
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Best Dressed: ophie
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Most Diseases Spread: L0ra
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Best Trinket to Pick up Dates: L0ra + her candy necklace
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Best Sex Chart Tally: L0ra
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Biggest Nerd: Vaxbuster (like 8 years running)
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Biggest Toadie: sdr ("What kind of sub do you want U4EA?")
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Scariest Dude: Ludi (Like 8 years running)
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Biggest Flirt: L0ra
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Biggest Mack: Frank
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Worst Pickup Line: Joe630 ("Have you ever considered modelling?")
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Worst Sales Pitch: Joe630 ("BUY MY MAGAZINES OR EMMANUEL WILL RAPE ME")
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Worst Driving: Joe630
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Most Obviously Drunk Minor: bellum
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Best Fire Alarm Pull: krypt
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Gayest Rave: iXOM
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Best Line at the Bar: sw_r (I want a shot of your cum)
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Best Portrayal of a Mute: angieb
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Loudest Person: case (BITCH MAINTAIN)
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Funniest Use of Urine: case (want some lemonade??)
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Gayest License Plates: Joe630
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Gayest Outfit: Mogel
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Best No-Show: nac.net faggots
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Nice Guy: davd
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Bald Faggot: ajax
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Official Bar of Pumpcon: B&W Sports Bar, Center City Best Western,
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Philadelphia, PA
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Official Drink of Pumpcon: Rusty Nails
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Official Bottled Beer of Pumpcon: Yeungling Lager
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Official Canned Beer of Pumpcon: Guiness
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Official Shot of Pumpcon: jaegermeister
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Official Cheese Steak of Pumpcon: Jim's Steaks (WIZ WITH!)
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Pumpcon Sex Chart
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,-------------------,
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l0ra--simpleton |
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Swern-------u4ea----Joe630
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/ |
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| loki
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\ ophie----juliet
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\
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mb----kt----eubern1g
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(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)
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( *(c) hOGS oF eNTROPY pRESS* HOE #898 ~ WRITTEN BY: SLAWZ ~ 11/7/99 )
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