104 lines
4.4 KiB
Plaintext
104 lines
4.4 KiB
Plaintext
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(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)
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(*) (*) * (*)~*~(*) HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #889
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* 0 0 ~ 0 *
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~ 0 0 ~* *~ 0 hOGS ~ "The Scooby Doo Conspiracy"
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( 0*~*~*0 ( ) 0*~*~ oF )
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~ 0 0 ~ ~ 0 eNTROPY ~ By: Hypomonk
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* 0 0 * * 0 * 10-23-99
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(*) (*) ~ (*)~*~(*)
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(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)
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From the oblivious youth, fully enthrawled in repetitious episodes of
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Scooby Doo, to the cultured young man I am now, I've constructed a
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malevolant theory behind a cartoon staple of my childhood.
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At first glance, Scooby Doo is an innocent cartoon, geared for those
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7 and younger. A common battle against good an evil, a monotonous story:
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Suspected, spooky apparition that scares the gang for a half hour, before
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being foiled by the pesky kids after they reveal his identity as an old man,
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just trying to make some loot.
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Let us analyze the basics of an average episode of Scooby Doo.
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Step #1: The gang hangs out until...
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Step #2: A plot forms when something spooky (ghost, monster, deranged pirate
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ship captain, etc) appears and gives the gang a good scare.
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Step #3: Clues are found (or stumbled upon).
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Step #4: Scooby snacking is rampant.
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Step #5: The gang pieces the clues together (note that Daphne is rarely a
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participant in finding clues or having any revelations about the
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case, she's there because she's rich), foil the villians plans.
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Step #6: "...and I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you
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pesky kids".
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These steps apply for every episode of Scooby Doo ever produced. To
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anyone over 7 still actively watching Scooby Doo for its content, I'm
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impressed by your total lack of surprise when you find out that the ending
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your watching now has the same exact premise as the one you watched
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previously. To you, my condolences.
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CONSPIRACY ONE. Scooby and Shaggy: Stoned.
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Example #1: They're always hungry. 4 scenes don't go by without
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Scooby and Shaggy consuming un-godly amounts of food.
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Example #2: They're always paranoid. Ever notice who's the first to let
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loose a "Zoinks!" or a "Yikes!"?
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Example #3: Shaggy's long hair, unshaven goatee, and grubby fasade are
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complete give aways of the stoner persona.
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Example #4: Note how confused Scooby and Shaggy always seem to be.
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Example #5: Also note how many times Scooby and Shaggy say, "like" in an
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episode.
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Example #6: Scooby Snacks? Hrmmm.
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Example #6: The Mystery Van.
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Hunger, paranoia, confusion, and near constant giggling. The signs
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are all too clear.
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CONSPIRACY TWO. Fred: Pimp.
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Example #1: Fred constantly orders Scooby and Shaggy to "go that a'way" when
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pursuing clues. He then takes off with the girls in the other
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direction.
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Example #2: Whenever the gang spends the night in a haunted castle/old
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motel, Scooby and Shaggy always share a room. This leaves you
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to wonder where Fred, Velma, and Daphne are.
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Example #3: Fred, Velma, and Daphne are always upset when Scooby and Shaggy
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interrupt their "alone time".
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Example #4: The Mystery Van.
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The way I look at it, Fred is getting the best of both worlds in
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whatever sexual excursions are taking place. On one hand, there's Velma.
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Not the cutest thing I've ever seen, but definitely the brains of the group.
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Then there's Daphne. Long legs, beautiful smile, flowing hair... what more
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could a guy ask for?
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What's more, the age of the gang (between 16 and 18, according to
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http://www.tbssuperstation.com/disaster/scooby/index.htm) is the perfect age
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for sexual and chemical experimentation. Take into account the year they
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were living in (the 1970's), and it all makes sense. Scoob and Shaggy are
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too busy getting stoned to notice Fred and the girl's sexual exploits.
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Daphne is merely Fred's sex toy. Velma isn't attracted to Shaggy (or
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Scooby, for that matter), so Fred rewards her brainy efforts with a good
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hard fuck. AND THIS IS A CHILD'S CARTOON?! GOD DAMN HANNA-BARBERA AND
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EVERYTHING THEY STAND FOR!
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(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)
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( *(c) hOGS oF eNTROPY pRESS* HOE #889 ~ WRITTEN BY: HYPOMONK ~ 10/23/99 )
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