112 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
112 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #792
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`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
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888 888 888 888 888 "I'm Going To Brush My Tooth,
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888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8 I Mean It This Time"
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888 888 888 888 888 " by CannibalButterfly
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888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 8/22/99
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o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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Here, There, Everywhere. "A great retard manifesto. Hey, crippled
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kids need love, too.
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"I muh-muh-muh-mean it this time"
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I think we've all heard those suffocating words pass through
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someone's dry, chapped lips. It's gagfully delicious.
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Everyone is well aware that the common "I mean it this time"
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statement IS the root of all evil. It's broken households, forced kids on
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the street, driven single mom's to sell their body just to get by, and worst
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of all, forced the Pixies to separate.
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"He stole my baby!! I'M PRESSING CHARGES!! I mean it this time!"
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Hmm...That one certainly sounds familiar to me. Puh-leez.
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"I love you! I promise I wont knock da boots wit other honeys! No
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matter how fly they be! I mean it dis time, yo!" Hello? HELL-o?? Suck
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his wang one last time and send him out the door!
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"I did not use your turkey baster as an enime! I mean it this time!
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Things are different for me now." Ugh?? Enough said.
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Well, I recently found myself using those god forbidden words. It
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shocked me into rock n roll heaven. Forget the weed, the powders, the
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needles. Daddy discovered a new sort of drug. "I mean it this time"
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Addicting, useful, and believable to the naïve. Mwuhaha.
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"Are you going to get your very wonderful and firm buttocks off that
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computer today and actually clean the kitchen??"
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"Yes, mother, and I mean it this time. From the bottom of my lil
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bitty heart."
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"Aww, you're such a wonderful daughter. *big hugs"
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(Okay, okay. Maybe I'm sweetening the conversation just a tad, but I
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get pretty embarassed when mommy yells at me in front of my internet
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friends.)
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Low and behold....I didn't get around to cleaning the kitchen. Well,
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I actually didn't get around to cleaning anything at all. God, times flies
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with you're looking at goat porn. Mmmmmm. Anyhoot, this became a cycle for
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me and it felt good. Ohh god, did it feel good.
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Maybe it was Betsy's oh so seXXXy baaah, baaah? Maybe it was my pure
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laziness? Maybe it was the hip re-runs of What's happenin' on the black
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entertainment station?
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Only thing I did know was that I was in denial and the days passed me
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by quicker than Milli Vanilli's singing career.
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I guess I came to the realization that I had a problem when I noticed
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my arm pit hair was long enough to be braided. Not only did I skip the
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cleaning bit that week, I also skipped the getting out of this chair bit.
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At the time it seemed so useless. But goodness gracious! The awful stains
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on my oh so chic jeans and the horrific aroma that was venting off of me
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spoke for themselves. I was in bad shape.
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After catching my beastly reflection in the blank computer screen I
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made the biggest decision in my life. I was going to clean that kitchen
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like it had never been cleaned before. Just one problem...my body was weak
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and frail from sitting for so long. I was forced to visit a few 'Exercise
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for the Elderly' sites and do some sit down warm-ups to build myself back up
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to the masculine and brute woman I'd always been.
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I gathered my strength and grabbed a hold of my desk.
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Right foot first.
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Slow and steady.
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Ta-da!
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Left foot second.
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Slow and steady.
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Ta-da!
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I was standing up and feeling a little dizzy, but I managed to limp
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my way into the kitchen. I opened my eyes and expected a bloody mess, but
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instead, ohh la la! It looked wonderful! Obviously, my mom got sick of
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waiting for me to clean and just did it herself. I must say this though,
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she did a kick ass job! So now what was I going to do?? *brain storm*
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Computer...is...fun.
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You may be thinking that was a waste of a story, but it's actually
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not. I learned a lesson and I felt as if it needed to be shared. Here it
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is homefry, If someone asks you to clean, don't do it. They'll eventually
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give in and do it themselves. Brilliant, huh?
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And another thing, if you sit at the computer for a week make sure to
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get up and do stretch exercises for 3 minutes a day. You could even change
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your clothes and take a potty break when needed.
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Yes, it is cool.
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #792 - BY: CANNIBALBUTTERFLY - 8/22/99 ]
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