78 lines
3.6 KiB
Plaintext
78 lines
3.6 KiB
Plaintext
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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #759
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`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
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888 888 888 888 888 "Some Really Easy Ways
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888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8 To Get Free Sex"
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888 888 888 888 888 " by Oscar Meyer Wilde III
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888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 7/24/99
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o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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Are you tired of going through the effort of getting sex? I know,
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it's a real pain in the ass. Why bother going through all the acts of
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courting a woman, pretending to fall in love, spending tons of your
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hard-earned money, and setting aside a great deal of time for one stupid
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bitch? You want it and you want it right now. Who can blame you?
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Oh, sure, go ahead and assume I'm a pig. I'm not, though. I'm
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just trying to inform the world that there are several very real, easy
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methods to acquiring free sex.
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1) Find The Ugliest And Most Desperate Person You Possibly Can
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This is incredibly easy, because the majority of people are really
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ugly, and even if they're not ugly, they think they're ugly. If a pretty
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person thinks they're ugly, than you can imagine how ugly an ugly person
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thinks they are. Ugly.
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To quote an old friend of mine, "The ugly bitches are better in
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da sack 'cuz dey never be gettin' any, so when dey be gettin' some, it's
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hardcore." This guy is now in jail.... that's a coincidence, I think.
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2) Get Tanked Up And Go Shirtless To A Gay Bar
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No matter how absolutely horrible of a person you are, if you are
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drunk and shirtless at a gay bar, you will get sex. Gay people are always
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horny, just like ugly people, because they never get any in a world full
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of straight people.
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3) Go To A Frat Party, Get Drunk, And Act Like An Asshole
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Sure, this is a cliche thing to say. Frats suck, yadda yadda, but
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my god, we're in 1999 and people are still getting plastered and having
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mindless, random sexual encountered in college parties. I'm certainly not
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one to put a rain on anyone's parade. In fact, I think this behavior is
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probably a gift from the heavens.... an offering, if you will. An offering
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of free sex for those who want to exploit it.
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4) Ask Your Wife Really Nicely
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If you're really hard up, you can always go the default route and
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ask your wife for some sex. She'll probably do it, too, if you managed to
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not act like a complete jackass and ask very nicely.
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5) Get Arrested And Go To Prison
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This one is only if you're really desperate. In prison, there's
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tons and tons of people that will be willing to give you sex, weather you
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like it or not. Obviously you will like it, so it's all good. This
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technique might seem like it takes slightly too much time or effort to
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My Patented Get-To-Prison-Quick For Some Gay Rape Guide (tm)
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============================================================
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PICK UP KNIFE.
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WALK OUTSIDE.
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STAB THE FIRST HUMAN YOU SEE.
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GET ARRESTED ON "MURDER" OR "ATTEMPTED MURDER" CHARGE.
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IF YOU ARE ASKED ANYTHING OF ANY TYPE, RESPOND WITH:
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"I AM GUILTY."
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I hope this file helps some of you guys out there see there really
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are tons of options for getting easy, free sex. You're welcome.
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[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #759 - WRITTEN BY: OCMIII - 7/24/99 ]
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