104 lines
4.5 KiB
Plaintext
104 lines
4.5 KiB
Plaintext
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[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #755
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`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
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888 888 888 888 888 "Duck Hunt"
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888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
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888 888 888 888 888 " by Fake Scorpion
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888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 7/24/99
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o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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"people always say 'it's only a game'
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but, when you are playing, it's more than a game." - Gumby[DTO]
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while exploring the inner reaches of my mind, i came across an
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enigma whose answer was beyond me. i spent days trying to figure it
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out, but to no avail.
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yes, i think you know what i'm talking about.
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flashback -- childhood christmas. you, being the greedy and
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impatient bastard that you are, pulled the biggest box from beneath
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the tree out as your first present. as you started ripping the paper
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off, your dad started muttering something about those damn japs
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(sorry japs@!), while your mother smiled and wondered if it would get in
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the way of your homework. your penis grew large (excuse me girls@!) when
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you tore open the wrapping paper, revealing the red colored words
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'NINTENDO'. within that box contained the greatest mystery of the
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20th century.
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remember the games that came standard with the system? 'super
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mario brothers' and the mysterious 'duck-hunt'. 'duck-hunt' required the
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use of a plastic gun that you later lost while chucking it at your
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brother's head. this gun, this AWESOME (in power) gun, contained a
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mystery that has dumbfounded everyone i know.
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HOW DID THE GUN / NINTENDO DETECT WHEN YOU SHOT THE DUCKS?
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(dum duh dum dum dummmmmm)
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_ my hypothesis _
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those crazy japs have decided to take revenge on america. instead
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of perfecting the perfect bomb, they perfected a dimension-link. the
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nintendo is a link between our dimension (the third) and the second. japs
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have kept this discovery secret by making the link look similar to a
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video game. they have made serfs out of the inhabitants of the second
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dimension and allowed mindless american kids to control them while the
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japs take over the dimension. this secret must be exposed ; i am about
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to do so.
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now that you're pissing in your pants from all the excitement, i'm
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going to get to the bottom of this mystery. i am going to place a phone
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call to 1-800-255-3700 and ask nintendo themselves. be aware that they
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might try to throw us off their two dimensional trail by feeding us
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disinformation. I WILL EXPOSE THE JAPS.
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ring. ring.
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lady : thank you for calling the nintendo consumer department hotline.
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for improvement, we will be recording your phone-call. press
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one for any questions on nintendo hardware, press two for..
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me : 1
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him : hello, thanks for calling. this is tim. how may i help you
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tonight?
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me : y0. remember the game duck-hunt?
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him : yeah, i love that game.
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me : i was curious how the gun worked. you know, how would it
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shoot the ducks? i'm pretty sure i figured it out ; i'm
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calling to find out if i'm right (i then went over my theories
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with the guy). he was silent ; he knew i had found him
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out.
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him : hold on.
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during this pause, i became worried that nintendo had traced my call
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and were sending over japanese ninjas to 'silence' me.
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him : sorry for waiting.
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me : no problem.
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him : in duck-hunt, the targets on the screen emitted a blast of
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light when you pulled the trigger, which your gun would pick
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up if it was correctly aligned.
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me : you just don't want me to know about the second dimension.
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you're feeding me misinformation to take me off track.
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YOU BASTARD, JAP-LOVING, PEARL HARBOR...
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him : sorry sir, i just work here. <click>
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HE TRIED TO PLAY STUPID TO KNOCK ME OFF THE TRACK! I will have
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my revenge. In the next installment of this series, I will travel to
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the second dimension. I WILL SAVE MARIO AND GANG. Someone has to do
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it. SLAVERY IS WRONG.
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[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #755-WRITTEN BY: FAKE SCORPION-7/24/99 ]
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