127 lines
5.3 KiB
Plaintext
127 lines
5.3 KiB
Plaintext
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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #708
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`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
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888 888 888 888 888 "Bittersweet Memories From
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888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8 Childhood"
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888 888 888 888 888 " by Lapse
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888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 7/1/99
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o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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Okay so I was an evil son of a bitch. I chased this poor kid around
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with an axe, I put dead things in his mailbox, I even hung a dead frog from
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his door so when he opened it the frogs intestines swung into his house.
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But none of this means that I don't have a heart.
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Timmy was the boys name and he about peed his pants everytime he saw
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me. I will save why the little shit deserved my torments for another time.
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I enjoyed torturing him. Listening to him cry out in pain... No I am
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getting off track here. Ahem...
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One day I found out something horrible.
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Little Timmy had fallen ill. It became common knowledge that he
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might die. The boy was only six.
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Suddenly something rare happened. I felt true sympathy for the
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little tyke. I even felt guilty. I was such a monster to him, like the
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time I smashed up my neighboors car and handed Timmy the bat. As the
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neighboor came out screaming I said "Take it easy on him, he's just a kid!"
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Anyways..
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I decided to put aside my seething anger towards him and tried to
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help him out. I first started by apologising to him. You should have seen
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his face! He looked at me and said "Your not going to throw another dead
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snake at me are you?"
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I looked at him and said "Timmy, I know I have been very mean to you,
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and you probally hate me, but I am Truly sorry for what I have done to you."
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He looked at me with those puppy dog eyes and said "Really?" I said
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yes.
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He rushed over and hugged me. No one had ever done that before.
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"I always hoped that you and I could be friends someday! I have
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always thought of you like a big brother." Timmy said.
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I don't know how it happened, but I found a tear rolling out of my
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eye. I hugged him back.
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Timmy and I hung out for the next few weeks. He looked funny with
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his head shaved but I did not laugh. We became good friends. We would talk
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about things that we liked to do. One thing that he told me that he always
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wanted to do was go to the zoo. He never could go because his parents never
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had enough money.
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A light clicked in my head. "This is how I can make up for all my
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years of relentless evil!"
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In secret I gathered money from everyone in the neighborhood. They
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were happy to give, especially since I told them it was for my sick cousin.
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In no time at all I had a pleasent surprise for him. Beileve it or not it
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was just in time for his birthday.
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He and his family rejoyced when I showed them the cash. We gathered
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for a group hug. Timmy said "I only want to go if my best friend can come."
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and he once again hugged me.
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I felt another warm tear roll out of my eye.
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The joyfull day came when we all went to the zoo. We laughed at the
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monkeys, rode the carnival rides, even ate cotton candy.
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We walked and laughed for hours.
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The best part of the day is when we came across the baboons. The
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baboons had these huge red butts.
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"Did your daddy spank you too much?" I yelled at the baboons.
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Oddly enough they hopped up and down violently as if they knew what I
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said.
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One of the zookeepers came up to me and said "They look harmless, but
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don't be fooled, they will eat you like a piece of chicken if you piss them
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off!"
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Timmy was near the fence thumbing his nose at them. As the zookeeper
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and I talked, we did not notice that Timmy had climbed on top of the fence.
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"Big fat big fat butt, big fat big fat butt!" he chanted.
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I suddenly heard his dad yell " Oh my god Timmy No!"
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We looked to see Timmy as he lost his balance and fell over twenty
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feet into the baboon pit.
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Before anyone could do anything the baboons surounded him.
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"GET THE HOSE GET THE HOSE!" I heard someone yell.
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The baboons had a calm anlylitical look on their faces as they stared
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at Timmy.
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"Wahh ah ahh" he sobbed. "Please don't eat me!"
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"THE GODDAMN HOSE IS JAMMED!!!" I heard someone yell.
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"Offer them your cotten candy!" I yelled to Timmy. Timmy reluctantly
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held out his arm with the cotton candy. One of the baboons came up and
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sniffed the candy. It then took the candy. Along with Timmy's arm.
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As blood sprayed everywhere, someone finally got the hose turned on
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and blasted the baboons. Sadly the hose got Timmy as well.
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As Timmy slammed into the Baboons this seemed to enrage them further.
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They batted him back and forth.
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I heard someone vomit.
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I don't remember too much after that because I was too busy laughing.
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #708 - WRITTEN BY: LAPSE - 7/1/99 ]
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