98 lines
4.8 KiB
Plaintext
98 lines
4.8 KiB
Plaintext
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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #703
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`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8 "The Biggest, Largest, Most
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888 888 888 888 888 Exciting Heist Of All Time
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888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8 (Part 1)"
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888 888 888 888 888 " by Nybar
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888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 7/1/99
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o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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Guy Carpenter was a lout. Not a good, likeable kind of lout either;
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just a big lug who enjoyed drinking beer and watching TV. He was rather
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skilled at making people (especially women and the elderly) pity him though,
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so he wasn't completely useless. As a matter of fact, he got more then his
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reccomended daily allowance of sex (from the former) and money (from the
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latter). He managed to spend all of his money as soon as he got it...
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didn't matter though. That was life. That was hustling.
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Nybar wanted to be left alone. But stories had to be written, h0e's
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had to be made. He had mostly moved on to other things, hung up his 'zine
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making hat...But Mogel thought he was ready for one last story, to go out
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with a bang. He didn't have the energy to write, but he and a few of his
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buddies had a different, entirely more dangerous idea.
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Keith Velasquez was a stereotype come alive: a 20-something Latino
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crackhead, ready to do anything for money. He had no idea what he was
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getting himself into.
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Mogel was always on the prowl for a submission to h0e. Little did he
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suspect, Nybar was in desperation as a writer. Nybar was ready to push it
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past the limit of even what Mogel was willing to endure for a new
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submission. So it begins:
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Mogel: "Nybar, you don't have to go through with this. Why don't you
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just write something?"
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Nybar: "Wait a sec-- COFFEE YOU FUCK!...Such shitty service."
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The Waitress: "Could you please not scream obscenities? The
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elderly folks that come in for the Crazy Al's Sausage Special
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get riled."
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She smiles sweetly, hoping to placate Nybar with this move straight
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from the Waitresses' handbook.
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Nybar: "Look, don't smile at me, don't make demands of me, just do
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what I say. That's the quickest route to me getting OUT of
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here, which is what you want. Kind of like blackmail. And
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remember this" he wags his finger in her face "don't try to
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evict me, for though it might be your resteraunt, the world
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is MINE, or at least my lack of social inhibitions is such
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that this is the de facto truth."
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The Waitress: "Fuck you, sir." She sickeningly smiles again and then walks
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back to the kitchen.
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Nybar: "And don't forget the coffee!"
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"Why don't you leave her alone? She's just doing her job!" This is
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from an elderly man with an old NY Jewish type accent in the next booth.
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Nybar: "Stop eavesdropping you fuck. I'll drop you like a stump, and
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any the rest of you that fuck with me!"
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Nybar waves his cane menacingly at the elderly. They don't really
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seem to care, but then again most elderly are drugged up, especially those
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in resteraunts at 4 AM.
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Mogel: "Er, back on the subject of the project--"
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Nybar: "What project?"
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Mogel: "THE ONE WE'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT. I think it's a good idea
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if you must... and if you're sure you can avoid the <ahem>
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consequences."
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Nybar: "Oh yes, the defences will be no match for me... I'm well
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prepared. As you know, my experience in international
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espionage, catburglary and my knowledge of Aztec religious
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texts is unmatched. Plus, I've enlisted an elite strike
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force."
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Mogel: "You mean the crack head and the washed up loser?"
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Nybar: "Careful, they're listening over a wire I'm wearing."
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Mogel cracks a smile against his will, and eventually nervously, self
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conciously laughs... a pathetic display.
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Mogel: "You take an idiot beer-guzzling loser and a crack head and
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make them into the CIA." Mogel laughs
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Nybar: "Skills, eh? Now, all we need for this, uh, project--" he
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coughs nervously "--is a girl to lure them out."
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The Waitress returns with the Coffee
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Nybar: "And I think we know how to find that."
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[-----]
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TO BE CONTINUED.
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Next: Chapter 2: The Gathering Storm
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #703 - WRITTEN BY: NYBAR - 7/1/99 ]
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