83 lines
3.9 KiB
Plaintext
83 lines
3.9 KiB
Plaintext
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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #697
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`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
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888 888 888 888 888 "I Know You're a Girl and All,
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888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8 But..."
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888 888 888 888 888 " by AnonGirl
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888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 6/18/99
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o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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I was sitting in my basement, listening to music when my brother came
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downstairs, shirtless and sleepy-eyed from his long sleep the night before.
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He sat down, lit a smoke, and began:
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"I know you're a girl and all, but you have to understand what just
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happened to me." Right there I knew I was in for something stunning.
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"Okay?" I asked, nervously.
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"K. There's this thing that happens every so often with guys, I'm
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not sure if it happens with girls. When you're pissing, and you're, like,
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just about to finish, but you feel a tiny bit left inside, and you kinda...
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push it out, it burns so fucking much." I was overcome with silence, but
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finally said:
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"Oh. I don't know, that must suck. That's never happened to me."
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"Man, you're so lucky. It's kind of like if you're lifting something
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heavy, or putting strain on this certain muscle, something, I don't know
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what, but _something_ gets pulled in your groin, and you're like completely
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paralized for a minute. And it hurts so much!!" By this point I was trying
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to block out what he was saying, shoving it into the dark, unused parts of
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my brain, but it just wasn't working.
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"Heh, it must really suck to be a guy, eh?" I replied, uneasily.
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Sadly, I wasn't thinking, and my brother mistook the "eh?" for "Won't you
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please tell me more sick things that happen to guys? I really want to hear
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more." So, he continued.
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"You really don't know what it's like, do you? To be a guy? Do you
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know how much it sucked when I was younger and had a few zits and had to
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shave? Picture this huge nasty zit, ready to blow. You're shaving like you
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usually do, but then there's this huge explosion and pus all over the side
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of your face, and your cheek is throbbing. Do you think that's fun?"
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"Well, no-"
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"Or when you're taking a dump, and your dick's like all bunched in?
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And then you're going, and the toilet water splashes your ass. I think that
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happens with girls, too, though."
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"Good. But, see-"
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"You don't know, man! A guy needs to take care of his dick!
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Whenever I'm walking, that's all that's on my mind. If I see someone
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swaying their arms too fast, I have to be prepared to make sure they don't
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hit me there! And you have to be careful when you sit, or you might squish
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yourself, if you know what I mean."
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"Okay, here's the deal, I won't tell you anything about my period,
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and you don't-"
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"And another thing a guy has to be careful of is when he's pissing,
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if he doesn't shake when he's done, he'll just about piss his pants! It's
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'cause there's still some left, and if you don't shake, it stays in there.
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Haven't you ever seen that retarded man with a little piss stain on his
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pants before? That's what happens, yo!"
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"Err.. you'd better be careful then!"
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"I am, yo!" he concluded.
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"Say, I know you're a guy and all, but you don't _know_ how much it
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sucks when you have cramps. You know what cramps are? They're blood clots
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trying to get through some passage. That's what cramps are."
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"Jesus fucking Christ, Audrey, you shouldn't talk about that shit in
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front of me!"
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #697 - WRITTEN BY: ANONGIRL - 6/18/99 ]
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