101 lines
3.7 KiB
Plaintext
101 lines
3.7 KiB
Plaintext
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[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #680
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`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
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888 888 888 888 888 "A Real Fun Test! Yes!"
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888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
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888 888 888 888 888 " by Reflecks
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888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 6/9/99
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o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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The monkey is a wonderful tool, and this week's absurdist HOE zine
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will tell *you* how much monkey potential you have!
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ten questions (scoring at bottom!):
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__ 1. A friend comes over to you and sits down with his/her
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back facing you. You
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a. Start grooming
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b. Give a back rub
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c. Jump on his/her back! Piggy Back Ride!
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d. Kick his/her ass
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__ 2. Your female friend is looking for food and offers you
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sex in return for a banana. You
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a. Assume the position
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b. Get out the whipped cream because this only happens once
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c. Offer a banana but politely refuse the sex
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d. Say you have a banana in your pants and wait to see what happens
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__ 3. When you hear the word "NASA" you think
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a. Genocide
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b. Big, throbbing, hot, round, space probe
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c. A great service to America from the wonderful US Government
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d. A chance to steal free freeze dried food
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__ 4. Shaving is
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a. A hurting experience
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b. Kinky, if done with an experienced and paid professional
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c. Something done only to remain aesthetically pleasing
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d. Something only women do because stubble is nasty
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__ 5. Your friend has a baby and goes on a trip, leaving it with you. You
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a. Immediately plop a boob in its mouth and go looking
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for food in exchange for sex
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b. Find a PlayMonkey magazine and wait
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c. Get out the diapers and the Gerber, it's time for baby!
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d. Leave the baby somewhere because you don't care, you're
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the dominant male and have better things to do
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__ 6. Sex is
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a. A group experience
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b. Best with whips, chains, and handcuffs
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c. A new vocabulary word
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d. Something he/she forgot the definition of
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__ 7. Curious George was
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a. The first real professional entertainer
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b. Obviously code for a gay buddy to the Man in the Yellow Hat
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c. A fantastic children's book series
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d. Retarded for hanging out with Mr. Roger's In Disguise
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__ 8. Fire comes from
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a. Sticks
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b. Friction, baby!
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c. The stove -- Don't Touch!
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d. My bic right before I torch your lame ass
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__ 9. Favorite Gilligan's Island episode :
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a. Tarzan boy comes to island!
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b. Professor and MaryAnne get lost in a cave!
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c. The one where they get off the island!
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d. The one with the robot!
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__ 10. Dancing.
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a. Flail arms around, jump pseudo-rhythmically
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b. Horizontal, pump pseudo-rhythmically
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c. Left, Right, Step, Step, Turn
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d. I'm too cool to dance
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Scoring!@
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Count the A's ____ multiply by 4 ____
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Count the B's ____ multiply by 3 ____
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Count the C's ____ multiply by 2 ____
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Count the D's ____ multiply by 1 ____
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total ____
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10-40 : Haw haw, you're a monkey for taking this test.
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10-15 : Oink! Oink!
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16-25 : You are human. You are possibly religious, and Chick Comics
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amuse you.
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26-30 : Silence of the Lambs was a good movie. Friday is your lucky day,
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and your lucky numbers are 2, 9, 65, and 94.
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31-33 : Retake the test and count the score again, your math is terrible.
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34-40 : The intro to 2001 was more like a documentary, eh?
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[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #680 - WRITTEN BY: REFLECKS - 6/9/99 ]
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