166 lines
5.3 KiB
Plaintext
166 lines
5.3 KiB
Plaintext
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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #655
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`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
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888 888 888 888 888 "Ask Clyde"
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888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
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888 888 888 888 888 " by Clyde
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888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 5/22/99
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o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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ask clyde - free advice! write to askclyde@usa.net!
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welcome to ask clyde! ask clyde is an anonymous free advice service!
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do you need free advice! i will answer your questions! i also give advice
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on how to fight crime! remember -- crime does not pay! don't you agree!
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ask clyde is on the world wide web! dial us up at
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http://skaro.nightcrawler.com/~bneely/askclyde/ !
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in this issue, jonas is spreading the disease, ross has a goiter
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problem, anna hates the world, paul turns 15 years old, and elliott explores
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the psychedelic landscape!
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we have a nice batch of questions, so let's jump right in!
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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> Dear Clyde,
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> i have a very nasty rash in an embarrasing region. i have not been
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> able to get rid of it with creams, pills, herbs, or sandpaper. what
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> should i do?
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>
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> Jonas
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sir!
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you have a communicable disease! don't you understand! spread this
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to your enemies! sleep with them if you have to!
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passing up this opportunity would be a crime!
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clyde
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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> DEAR CLYDE,
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> I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MY GOITER. COULD YOU RECOMMEND A GOOD
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> TREATMENT?!?!?!?!
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>
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> ROSS
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golly sir! i think you have me stumped! what's the answer!
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clyde
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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> Dear Clyde,
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> I have a very serious problem here. I want to destroy the world
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> and I don't know how to go about this. I've considered changing the
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> world into a nuclear wasteland, but that won't suffice. It won't last
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> long enough for me to savour my handiwork, but it does get the job done.
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>
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> There simply is no role model for me to follow in their footsteps
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> simply because no one has done it before. So I guess I'll have to be a
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> pioneer, exploring unknown territory... except I have no idea what
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> direction I should take.
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>
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> So tell me clyde, how what would you do if you wanted to destroy the
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> world?
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>
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> Anna
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dear anna!
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what did your boyfriend do to you this time!
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clyde
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> Dear Clyde,
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> I was just wondering if you could help me.
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>
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> How am I, as a man, supposed to understand what women are trying to say?
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> They say one thing and then they think that we understand them, even
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> though we have no clue at all.
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>
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> Please, help me Clyde - and you will be my savior, my hero.
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>
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> Paul
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paul!
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i know exactly what you mean! and i am not a woman, so i mean what i
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say! i mean it! so here are some things you could do!
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1. blow away the ears of the female in question! sign language
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never lies!
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2. blow away your own eyes! braille doesn't lie either! they will
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have to tell you what they mean!
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3. turn gay!
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i hope that one of these solutions will work for you! remember, the
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disclaimer on my web page says that i am not responsible for your actions as
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a result of this email!
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clyde
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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> Clyde,
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> Ooooiioooo.. oo-o-o-o-o-o...
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> OOiiiioooo aahhhh oiiiieeoo!
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> Come on, little funny man, come on! Come on, come on!
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> Come on, little funny man, come on!
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> Come on, little funny man, come on!
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> Come on, little funny moooon!
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> Oiiiioooo-o-o-o-oo! Oiiiiiooo! Ooooiiiiiooo
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> Come on, little funny man!
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> Come on, little funny!
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> Come on, you little funny man!
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> Come on youyou little funny man come on!
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> Come on you little funny man, come on! Come on!
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> Come on you little funny man!
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> Oooiiieeeoo, OOOeeeoo!
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> Oiiiioooo! Oiiiiiooo! Ooooiiiiiooo
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> Come on you little funny man, come on you little funny man,
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> come on you little funny man, come on you little funny man,
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> come on you little funny man, come on you little funny maaaaan,
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> Nmmeennegh! C'mon!!!
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> Nyuurgh! Unnhn! Uhhnnh!! Uhnn! Uhn!
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> Come on, come on, come on, come on!
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> Come on you funny man!
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> Come on you funny man!
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> Come on, you funny man, come on, come on, come ooooooooonn!
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> Come ooooooooohn!
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> ooOOooooo. oooEeoooeo.
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> Come on, come on you funny man, come on, come on
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> Come on you funny maaaaaaaan, come on, come on
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> Come on you little ehfhyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi
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> Oooooiiiiieeeooo!! OOOeEEAAOUUAA!
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>
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> Elliott
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thank you!
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clyde
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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wasn't that an exciting romp through the digital mailbag! be sure to
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watch for future columns! do you need free advice! write to me! the
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address is askclyde@usa.net ! do not hesitate! don't be shy!
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have a great day!
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[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #655 - WRITTEN BY: CLYDE - 5/22/99 ]
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