62 lines
3.7 KiB
Plaintext
62 lines
3.7 KiB
Plaintext
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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #606
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`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
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888 888 888 888 888 "Little Dolls With BIG GUNS"
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888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
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888 888 888 888 888 " by Beretta Ruger
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888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 5/6/99
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o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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Growing up with Barbie, girls are taught the key element in growing
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up to be beautiful women. No, I don't mean plastic surgery, I am referring
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to accessorizing. Fashion dolls taught us how to match our shoes, belts,
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and handbags, pick the right safari hat (depending on what type of animal
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you intend to cuddle), and which car (Porsche, VW, or Ferrari) goes best
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with your denim jacket. Unfortunately for us, girls, Barbie was a glamour
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girl who would never know the perils of being a real woman. No midol for
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that buxom babe. She was strictly sweet, non-violent, and non-threatening.
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If you had brothers, you may know what I am getting at. Ever take
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G.I. Joe's rifle and attempt 'Commando Barbie'? The gun just doesn't fit.
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In this day and age, with boys running around shooting people and blowing
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things up, women are being left behind. Why? Boys are taught how to use
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firearms as accessories. Big 'hip-hop' jeans, roomy trenchcoats, and XXL
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team sweatshirts make packing heat easy as pie for out male counterparts.
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The modern woman doesn't have to leave her Glock at home just because it
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wont fit in her evening purse.
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In Colorado, where the weather is as unpredictable as a fit of PMS
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rage, women are capable of adopting the 'Littleton Trench Look', but what
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of the women who would be commiting a fashion faux pas with such a garment?
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They don't teach you this in finishing school, but women are actually
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better equipped to be 'strapped' than most men are. Ever notice the
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resemblance between a shoulder holster and a brassiere? Mr. Can't-take-NO-
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-for-an-answer sure would be surprised when he went to cop a feel and got
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a taste of steel. The garters are a traditional place for a woman to keep
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a gun of smaller caliber, perfect for when you see your ex groping a bimbo
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in the same place your blind date brought you.
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What if you wish to carry something larger? Even a light weight
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shotgun can be easily concealed without having to skimp on the sexuality.
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Garter belts are perfect for supporting an Uzi or light rifle. You can
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lighten up a shotgun and make it easier to conceal by sawing off excess
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barrel. Once you decide where to wear your piece, you can divert attention
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with cleavage (if you are carrying on your lower body), or (in the case of
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a snub-nosed 9mm in your bra) a little extra leg. Check in a three-way
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mirror before you go out. You wouldn't want the bitches in Macy's to know
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what you have for them if they grab the last black lace bustier in a 34C
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when they are obviously a 38B.
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Remember girls, just because you are playing with the boys, you
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don't have to look like one too. When in doubt ask yourself, "What would
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Barb Wire do?" or "What would Marilyn Manson do?" or "What would Serial
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Mom do?" I can guarantee they wouldn't start to cry when Mrs. Do-good-
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-super-mom comments on the rice crispy treats they made in five minutes,
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when she spent 10 hours on a fully edible ginger bread mansion. They would
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blow that cunt away. They would bust a cap and look damn good doing it,
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too.
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #606 - WRITTEN BY: BERETTA RUGER - 5/6/99 ]
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