96 lines
5.8 KiB
Plaintext
96 lines
5.8 KiB
Plaintext
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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #575
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`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
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888 888 888 888 888 "Barbie's Untold Story"
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888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
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888 888 888 888 888 " by AnonGirl
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888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 4/14/99
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o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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MONTREAL, QC - I had the chance to sit down and have a few cups of
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tea with Barbie, in the cafe that she owns and runs, Barbe'.
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Audrey Tyler: So, many people have wondered about your side of the story.
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We have been listening to what Mattel has to say for the
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past fifty years, now it's your turn.
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Barbie Doll: Well, firstly, I just have to apoligize to the world for not
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speaking out earlier, but I've been terribly busy, you know,
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since I'm a business woman, veterinarian, doctor, lifeguard,
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always on vacation at my beach house. I really haven't had
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much time to tell the world how I feel, but I guess that's
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just part of the package.
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AT: I hear that. You must be overloaded with work!
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BD: [laughs] Yeah, things can get pretty hectic, but at least I've got
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Ken to rub my feet at the end of the day. He's so great.
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AT: So tell the world what you have to say.
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BD: I just want to say that I am not the ditsy little tart everyone
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thinks I am. I've got several degrees, a great guy, great friends,
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and three wonderful sisters. I understand family values, as well as
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what it takes to be a successful woman these days. Sure, I may not
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have a brain, but it doesn't mean I'm not like other people. I just
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want everyone to understand that I'm not all about cars and clothes.
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AT: I think you've made your point clear. Tell us a bit about your
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family.
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BD: I am an orphan, since I don't have any parents. It's really too bad,
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too, because I've got a great beach house in Florida that they'd just
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adore. I've got three sisters, Skipper, Stacey, and Kelly. Kelly is
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the latest addition to our family. Skipper is about five years
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younger than I, and we've been really close throughout our lives.
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Stacey and Kelly are much closer with each other, but I suppose that's
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because they're closer in age than I am with them. I love taking care
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of Kelly, though. It's so much fun to watch her do the things five
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year olds do, and since she's going to be five years old forever,
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it'll be extra special. It'd be nice to see how she turns out in
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life, but five year olds are just so cute, we all wish they could stay
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that age! It's like how we wish cats could remain kittens forever.
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AT: Don't we all? Tell us about that great guy in your life, Ken.
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BD: Oh, Ken is so wonderful! I don't know where I'd be without him.
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We're not actually involved, seeing as neither of us have real sexual
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organs, but that's okay, because he's gay anyway. He's been such a
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dear friend to me all these years. I'd say he's truly the love of my
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life.
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AT: It's really good to have such great friends. But don't you get
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lonely?
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BD: Well, I don't have any hormones, so Ken is really all that I need!
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With Ken, there's never a dull moment in my life. Plus, I think a lot
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of guys would probably get scared if they saw me naked.
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AT: People have taken your clothes off for years, I'm sure they wouldn't
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get too frightened. Anyhoo, how do you feel towards Mattel?
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BD: Mattel is like the parents I never had. They've supplied me with an
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endless wardrobe, houses, cars, friends, professions, and best of all,
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my family. I wouldn't exist without Mattel.
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AT: What made you come up with the name of your cafe (Barbe')?
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BD: We wanted to have a name that was catchy, and trendy at the same time.
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We decided to blend the words cafe' and Barbie, though Carbie sounded
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too automobile-related, and Barfe' didn't sound very appealing. So
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Barbe' it was!
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AT: Smart thinking! Do you feel you owe anything to society?
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BD: Not anymore, no. For a while, I felt that society owed me the right
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to fit in with everyone else, and that wish was eventually granted.
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The only people I feel I really owe my soul to is Mattel, for making
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me the woman I am today.
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AT: You were offered several millions of dollars to do other interviews.
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Why did you turn them down?
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BD: I felt that Barbara Walters would have tried to make me look like a
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bad person on television, so I refused her offers. Oprah told my
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agent that she'd let me hug her, after several months of negociation.
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I turned her down because she wanted to portray the spiritual side of
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me. Sadly, Mattel hasn't released Spiritual Barbie yet, because of
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problems dealing with ectoplasm. I have no spirit to portray as it
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is, and I don't need millions of dollars. I've managed to own several
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cars, jeeps, trailors, and houses, along with clothes galore without a
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single cent.
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AT: I see. What are the downsides of being Barbie?
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BD: I guess the only thing that really upsets me is not being able to
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blink.
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AT: Okay. Thanks so much for your time, Barbie!
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BD: [smiles] No problem.
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There you have it, folks. I never thought a woman made of plastic
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could have such insight. The next time you think of Barbie, don't only
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think of a doll, but a genuine partial human being.
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #575 - WRITTEN BY: ANONGIRL - 4/14/99 ]
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