67 lines
4.0 KiB
Plaintext
67 lines
4.0 KiB
Plaintext
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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #566
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`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
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888 888 888 888 888 "How I Became Normal"
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888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
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888 888 888 888 888 " by AnonGirl
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888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 4/11/99
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o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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When I was a child, my brother and I would go on several adventures
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and make amazing discoveries. We would find ourselves running from large
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animals, running as fast as we can. We would find ourselves petrified of
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the tree with the horrid face in its trunk. Swarms of bees would attack
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us, though we would make it out without a single sting. The inventions we
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came up with were fantastic. Record players would serve as an evil ploy of
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Snakeyes' to make Duke and Flint dizzy. Skeletor would use whipped cream
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to trap He-Man. Bookshelves would turn into fortresses, blankets would
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become instant housing, and snow was the most deadly weapon of all.
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My brother and I discovered a bullfrog, while on a trip to the lake.
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We called him Frogslegs, for we were at a loss of any other name. We
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decided to bring him back home with us, to the suburb where we lived. We
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couldn't tell our parents, because Dad would have had a fit if he'd known
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there was a frog in the car. We hid him in the Kleenex box. The drive was
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only four hours, we figured he would survive. Soon into the drive,
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however, my brother and I fell asleep. We were carried to our beds when we
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arrived, not thinking of Frogslegs. The next morning, we remembered, and
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ran out to the car to discover a dead Frogslegs. We were so ashamed of
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ourselves, that we held a funeral for him, and gave him a proper burial.
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Every spring meant caterpillar season for us. While waiting for
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Mother to pick us up from school, my brother and I discovered a nest of
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small caterpillars and decided that we wanted to bring them home. My
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mother was not pleased when she saw our handfuls of caterpillars, but she
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didn't flip. On the way home, one of the catepillars pissed on my hand,
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so I shoved it down one of the old childseat holes in the area between the
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back seats and the back winshield. The next day, my mother was driving me
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to a soccer game, when suddenly a caterpillar landed on her head, causing
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her to swerve off the road and hit a telephone pole. I didn't make it to
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the soccer game.
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When I was in kindergarten, our teacher professed that riding
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"doubles" (two people on one bike) would make God unhappy, and we would be
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sent to Hell. One day, I was riding doubles with my friend Jaime when
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suddenly we both fell. I smashed my face on the curb, which caused a mark
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on my cheekbone. Luckily, I didn't become disfigured. As I ran home
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crying, the only thing that could be heard in my mind was "I made God
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unhappy! God pushed us off the bike! I'm going to Hell!"
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Around the age of nine, I had become fascinated with projectile
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objects, such as catapolts. Invention day came around, and I invented a
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miniature catapolt made out of popsicle sticks. It managed to shoot
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objects up to ten feet. I was very proud. Continuing with making things
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that could throw, I made a sling shot out of some odd little metal thing,
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and an elastic. My mother didn't like it, because I used it to shoot
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things at the French kids down the street. She tried to confiscate it,
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but she wasn't swift enough. I decided that I would bury it in a small
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dirt path on my street. While digging with my hands, the really
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good-looking boy who worked at the corner store walked by, gave me a
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strange look, and continued walking. I felt like a worm.
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What was this t-file about again?
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #566 - WRITTEN BY: ANONGIRL - 4/11/99 ]
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