64 lines
4.0 KiB
Plaintext
64 lines
4.0 KiB
Plaintext
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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #559
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`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
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888 888 888 888 888 "How I Really Feel"
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888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8
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888 888 888 888 888 " by Daisy
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888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 4/6/99
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o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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I read the titles of all of the other writers files and tell myself
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how did I ever get wrapped up in this? I cannot write nearly as good as
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any of these other writers can. I am just some preppy white girl from the
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Midwest who is so wrapped up in her own life that consists only of her
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boyfriend and nothing else, or so Mogel feels, and cannot write about
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anything else. Well, let me tell you that if I get on a fit of rage I can
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write about any damn thing I want! And Mogel. Please take this file as a
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compliment, because you gave me a vision, you gave me something to write
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about.
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My whole life I have been told that I am not good enough. I'm not
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good enough to play the drums well because I am a girl. I'm not as pretty
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as those snotty lil' Munster bitches because I do not stick my nose in the
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air like they do or have the money their daddy's do or get nose jobs or
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drive a Mustang. I am not good enough for this one guy at school because
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he decides to announce to everyone "No, I will not have sex with you unless
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you suck my dick!". What the hell is that I say, fuck it! Because I never
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wanted to fuck you in the first place dammit! I will never become a cop
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because I am too little or not aggressive enough! I will never get
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anywhere in life because I received a 850 on my SATs and barely graduated.
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I will never live up to the expectations of my parents because they try to
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compare me to my genius older brother or athletic little sister. I will
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never get married or lead a happy life because I have cheated on every
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boyfriend I have ever had! I will never get a good job because I don't
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try in school and because of that no university will ever take me. You
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better marry a rich old guy they say jokingly when deep down it hurts
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because they are most likely right! You'll never be able to run track
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again because you have a bad back, yeah, there went the scholarships and
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any chance on getting into any good college. You'll never have any friends
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because no body likes you! Maybe all of this stuff is not what everyone
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says. Maybe it is what I tell myself.
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But I can play the drums, just give me a chance! I am as pretty as
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those Munster bitches, you just need to look harder! And who cares if I
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don't have a lot of money, you don't need money to be a good person! And
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that guy at school can go fuck himself or some other girl who is willing to
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suck his dick! I will be a cop because I have enough bottled up aggression
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to fight of the entire US Army (okay maybe not that much but I have a lot).
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I will get somewhere in life because I can, if I try. And cheating on my
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boyfriends well I never found the right one until now! I won't have to
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marry rich. I will support myself if I need to because I will be
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successful, you wait and see. All of these things have built up inside and
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are pouring out so fast that I cannot type fast enough to get them all out!
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You see I can write for HOE, really I can but I just need a tangent to get
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off on, something meaningful, something that will bring tears to my eyes
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like this did. Something I believe in! Something I love. But if you
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think this is just another cop-out file, Mogel you are sadly mistaken!
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Because this came from my heart, from my soul, from deep down where no body
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really sees. Somewhere others will never know exists unless they tell me
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that I am not good enough!
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #559 - WRITTEN BY: DAISY - 4/6/99 ]
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