textfiles/magazines/HOE/hoe-0531.txt

 [--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
   ooooo   ooooo  .oooooo.  oooooooooooo       HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #531
   `888'   `888' d8P'  `Y8b `888'     `8
    888     888 888      888 888                "So You Want To Be A
    888ooooo888 888      888 888oooo8             Masked Vigilante"
    888     888 888      888 888    "
    888     888 `88b    d88' 888       o     by Ashtray Heart [3/27/99]
   o888o   o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
 [--------------------------------------------------------------------------]

        Congratulations!  Being a masked vigilante can be an exciting and
 rewarding use of your time on Earth.  This document is sure to give you
 some helpful tips and ways to get started in your new avocation.

        First off, you should thoroughly consider WHY it is you would like
 to be a masked vigilante.  This is not to discourage you from your desired
 path, but many people decide to become masked vigilantes because it is the
 "in" thing to do, or out of boredom or frustration.  Masked vigilantism
 must be undertaken out of a deep commitment to... well, that doesn't matter
 so much.  But deep commitment.  That's important.  If you just enjoy the
 masks worn by the vigilantes, there are many organizations that can
 accomodate your desires.  You could join the SCA, or you could start
 frequenting one of those goth clubs that seems to have become so popular
 nowadays.  An enjoyment of masks does not always connote a strong desire to
 fight crime, nor should it!  Alternately, if you merely enjoy taking the
 law into your own hands and a desire for anonymity does not enter into it,
 you could become a simple unmasked vigilante.  This is a far more
 straight-forward undertaking than masked vigilantism.  A full explanation
 of the differences between a vigilante and a masked vigilante would be far
 too extensive to go into here, but suffice it to say that while masked
 vigilantism may be lower-profile, it is also paradoxically more dangerous
 due to the risk of exposure and its closer alignment to the fringe of
 society.

        You see, the masked vigilante walks a very thin line between heroism
 and psychosis in a way that the regular vigilante does.  At worst, the
 unmasked vigilante will be seen as a thug.  A masked vigilante can be seen,
 depending on the area, as a fruitcake, a pervert, or a mormon (I'll explain
 later).  Your unmasked vigilante has relatively straight-forward
 motivations -- he (they are nearly all male) wishes to avenge a crime or to
 beat people up.  Masked vigilantes are quite a bit more complex; they have
 many reasons for taking to the streets, not all of which are savory.
 Having these feelings does not necessarily disqualify you from being a
 masked vigilante, but it is important, before taking up your patrol, to
 acknowledge to yourself -- and only to yourself -- all of your reasons for
 desiring the mask.  When you are a vigilante, people will look the other
 way in a lot of instances that would have you at best arrested under other
 circumstances.  The key to pulling off these... opportunities for
 extra-curricular gratification.. is to maintain plausible deniability.  As
 long as your primary motivation remains fighting crime, you should be fine.

        Today is truly a golden age for masked superheroes (some will claim
 that, strictly speaking, this should be known as the "platinum age", but we
 will politely ignore those hopeless pedants.  We are being metaphorical,
 and anyone who has ears to listen and eyes to see should understand this).
 In order for you to develop some appreciation for how good today's masked
 vigilante truly has it, a little history and typology of masked vigilantes
 is in order.

        The masked vigilante does not have a proud history.  From the early
 days of the vigilante various forms of disguise -- dressing as a woman,
 pretending to be members of a rival tribe, in a famous early American
 instance dressing as Indians -- have been employed.  These must, however,
 be distinguished from true masked vigilantism, as the disguises were merely
 employed as a means to an end and not to establish an independent
 reputation.  In fact, the origins of this calling are in the notorious
 racist group the "Ku Klux Klan".  Because of this, it is considered bad
 form to wear any sort of a white or hooded mask.  It is little consolation
 that the Klan did not start out as the murderous group they are now
 notorious for being.  In fact, in their early years the Klan mostly were a
 sort of "performance art" troupe whose most famous act was hanging around
 blacks, saying, "Boy, am I thirsty", and then appearing to drink ten
 gallons of water.

        The socialist, populist, and anarchist movements of the late 1900's
 made independent action an acceptable alternative, but it was not until the
 Great Depression that masked vigilantism outside the Klan came to be.
 Early masked vigiliantes were crusaders for social justice, and were
 strongly aligned with the unions.  Were it not for World War II, they might
 have been crushed, but as it happened, the war provided a great opportunity
 for jingoism of all guises.  The masked crusader thrived as a uniquely
 American propganda figure -- the lone masked figure standing against the
 Krauts and the Japs.

        The '50s quickly put and end to these ideals, though, as the advent
 of popular psychology and less tolerance for obvious deviance made the
 masked vigilante into a neurosis, something to be cured. Most masked
 vigilantes were accused of being homosexuals around this time.  Certainly
 the hippies had little use for masked heroes, either, with their overtones
 of secrecy and violence.  Where was the peace, love, and freedom in that?
 No, it was not until the early 1970s that a new breed of masked vigilante
 began to rise up -- a kind that persists to this day.  This was the heyday
 of the Postmodern Masked Vigilante.  Today's masked vigilante ironically
 acknowledges the various criticisms that are levelled at it, but goes on
 about its business anyway, for the simple fact that it is the right thing
 to do, take it or leave it.  And, for the most part, North America has
 taken it.  This, dear reader, is where you come in.

        As for costuming, don't go overboard.  Many people think that just
 because comic book superheroes wear garish costumes, you have to, too.
 This is patently false, and will only tend to make you look like more of a
 lunatic than you really are.  Bright red colors do not strike fear into the
 hearts of evildoers. They make you a target.  Most modern-day masked
 vigilantes wear everyday street clothes and a prosaic yet distinctive mask.
 It's easy to transport and change in and out of.  A word to the wise should
 be sufficient.

        The next thing you are going to want is a specialty -- a sort of
 crime to fight.  You will quickly find that there are certain crimes it is
 OK to fight, and certain crimes it is not.  The ideal crimes to fight are
 muggings, vandalism, and simple theft.  Murders are likely to get you in
 over your head, and you would be well advised to stay as FAR away from the
 "war on drugs" as possible.  Take it from me, the whole thing is one big
 stinking PR scam.  You will quickly run afoul of several dozen street
 gangs, the Mafia, the US Government, and entities far too secretive for me
 to even name here.  You will wind up either a pawn or a casualty.  Anything
 beyond busting harmless teenage potheads -- with the prior consent of their
 parents, of course -- will only put you in a world of hurt.

        Of course, the sort of crimes you target will depend to some degree
 on the area you locate yourself in. First off, locate yourself in a city.
 Rural crimes aren't worth bothering with, unless you want to spend your
 time busting up bootleg stills and stopping incest.  It's penny-ante shit,
 and very sordid.  The big city is, true to what they say, where the
 excitement is.  Certain areas, though, are more hospitable than others.  A
 brief rundown of some of the more notable spots:

        Nebraska -- masked vigilantism in Nebraska is banned by state law.
 The reason for this is an excellent illustration of the doctrine of
 "plausible deniability" I went over.  It has to do with a superhero who
 called himself "Omaha Man", after a brief flash flood of local patriotism
 that had superheroes naming themselves after their metropolitan areas.
 True to his name, he worked in Omaha, Nebraska, and environs in the late
 1930s, when vigilantes were rough, ready, and often killers.  The Omaha Man
 was not nearly so violent, though; his specialty was streetwalkers.  It was
 a common sight in the late 1930s for the police to arrive for another day's
 work to find one or several scantily-clad women lying on their stoop,
 tightly trussed and gagged.  Pinned to them would be a note saying "Another
 strike against white slavery for Omaha Man!" and a little incomprehensible
 doodle.  At first nobody paid this any notice, and if they were not hugely
 grateful, they did not complain either.  However, as the acts of
 vigilantism stepped up to include anyone Omaha Man judged to have "loose
 morals", people started talking.  The new slogan he was using, "Those of
 loose morals shall be bound tight by Omaha Man!" didn't help much, either.
 Oh, those may have been simple and innocent days, indeed; de Sade's works
 were still banned by the Comstock Act, and the Story of O hadn't been
 written yet, but even in Omaha they were not wholly ignorant.  Before long
 he was known to the citizens of Omaha as Captain Bondage.  And when
 "Captain Bondage" began rounding up women apparently at random, whether or
 not they had actually committed any crimes, the city took action.  His
 long, rambling, misogynist confession, produced only hours before he hung
 himself in his cell, is still one of the more chilling landmarks in masked
 vigilante history.

        New York -- the ultimate superhero mecca.  Not only is there plenty
 of crime going on, New York is a colorful and diverse enough town to have
 room for everyone.  They were among the first to embrace the Post-modern
 Masked Vigilante, and vigilantes, while formally looked down upon by Mayor
 Giuliani's office, thrive to this day.  Giuliani's disneyland mindset,
 while supremely irritating, is not a major obstacle.  Indeed, sometimes
 vigilantes will taunt Giuliani by engaging in jaywalk "arrests" against
 willing participants.  There's far too much more going on for me to
 describe here.  Suffice it to say that though it's highly fast-paced and
 competitive, New York is the place to be for superheroes.

        Texas -- A thriving masked vigilante scene, due in no small part to
 the Hispanic community.  Mexico has a long tradition of masked wrestlers,
 who often take to the streets to fight vampires and other occult foes.  In
 fact, this makes the entire Southwest one of the best places in the country
 to be a masked vigilante.  The most famous of these is El Santo, but there
 are quite a few.  Nowadays many in fact take advantage of the relatively
 lax copyright laws, yielding such "luchadors" as "Superman", "Teenage
 Mutant Ninja Turtle", and of course "Madonna's Boyfriend".  Luchador
 culture will only serve to help you as a masked vigilante gain credibility,
 however.  Serve it well and it will serve you well.

        Utah -- Avoid.  To explain:  Utah is home to one of the few
 religiously oriented masked vigilantes, collectively known as "Moroni's
 Avengers".  In fact, not only are they masked, but they have complete
 uniforms.  Including Mormon Underwear worn outside their clothes.  It's
 horrible, really.  Their actual actions aren't all that bad, but their
 appearance is enough to make them complete laughingstocks across the whole
 country.

        I hope this will help you prepare for a long and successful career
 as a masked vigilante!

 [--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
 [ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #531 - WRITTEN BY: ASHTRAY HEART - 3/27/99 ]