236 lines
15 KiB
Plaintext
236 lines
15 KiB
Plaintext
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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #522
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`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
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888 888 888 888 888 "After 5 Beers At The
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888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8 Amiga Convention"
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888 888 888 888 888 "
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888 888 `88b d88' 888 o by Trilobyte [3/21/99]
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o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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you gots to beat the streat, not beat your meat, it's about the
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folks you meet. i love to eat, it's time to run, people gots to have some
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fun! my my my, time goes by, pee and purr and fly up high. yum yum yum,
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hear that hum, rum and gum and my old mum. beat your meat. run down the
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street. kick with your feet. devour someone's meat. hunt some sheep.
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pounce on beef. hate stupid assholes. munch on rummage sales. turn back
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the clock, there's not much time left. god says so. he told me the other
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day, "there's not much time left," so you'd best believe it, bitches. i'm
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not elite enough for you. that's a legitimate adjective when in select
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crowds. if you say,
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"i was elite once,"
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in certain crowds, they will understand, and they will feel the same
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way about theirselves. for instance, at a computer show, you could mention
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how you used to be elite to someone else who used to be elite, and then
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share your times of razor 1911 couriering and TDT couriering and whatnot,
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and then they will share their times of running elite amiga warez and HPA
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boards. sysoping is elite. especially when 90% of your userbase was
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european. that's pretty damn elite.
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but bbses don't really have quite the universal power that they used
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to. though the amiga was really the ultimate machine to run a bbs on,
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well, right around the time the BBS concept died, so fell the amiga.
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totally unconnected, be sure. i mean, the bbs market doesn't drive a
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computer. the sheer fact that commodore totally didn't know how to manage
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and market the wonderful asset they held is the reason that the amiga is
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not the #1 computer in existence today. no, really, take my word for it --
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this is not speculation, or the spoken word of a freak, this is the
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understood opinion of many of the most knowledgable people in the computer
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market today. this is truly the truth. truly. truth. true.
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god, i love you. you are so awesome! you are cooler than a summer
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sand, neater than a woman's tan. i like to see that dark skin. but i
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like light skin too! so long as it's not too flabby. sometimes i worry
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that i am too flabby. i'm sure that in some parts, i am. and in other
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parts i'm not. college has done a good deal to make me sufficiently
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flabby. i don't like that. i wish that i wasn't. but it seems to be the
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case. aww, too bad. silly me. what am i to do? work out every night?
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please don't forget that i am seriously a serious college student! i
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don't have time to do anything but homework, duh! people don't say "duh"
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much anymore. quite a shame. there are young people, though. if those
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young people controlled the world, everything would be ok. we would all
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be alive. there wouldn't be lots of fear of bombing or anything.
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everything would be cool and everyone would smoke pot all the time and be
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accepting of everyone else. that's how the world would work. i say so,
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so that's how it is. i am tim, master of the univserse. fuck he-man. he
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was just a fucking action figure. i am the real man, and my ears become
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grounded when i yawn. eat that, niggers. you can't take the wrath of my
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history-book readin' ass. i sit on mouldy chairs and read Hobsbawm. eat
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that, dark-skinned afro-headed tall-ass deep-voiced motherfuckers. hey,
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you call each other that, so can i. eat it if you don't like it, negro
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motherfucker. suck my enormous white cock, african american BITCH. sure,
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you're nice. i'm nice too. but, see, sometimes that just doesn't matter.
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if i want to pretend like i'm from arkansas, i can do that. so can you.
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we can both pretend like we are from arkansas. that is fun. i can run a
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fireworks stand next to the road and you can drive by and not patronize me
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because i am white. you fucking NIGGER. not buyin' from my store because
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i'm WHITE. don't think i won't come and kick your fuckin' ass, mother
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fucker.
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how long did i stand there and talk next to the pinball machine?
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the lights were flashing, i held a beer, i don't know how long i was
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standing there. and there were vending machines and i was eating chips
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and kinda wobbling a little bit because i had a bottle of beer which i
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just brealy paid for. see, i left a susan b. anthony dollar for them.
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all the expensive beer that they had certainly cost a lot more than ONE
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FUCKING DOLLAR. and i had a good amount of their beer. at least 5 bottles
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before i began getting drunk. i had a different type of beer each time.
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sometimes a st. paulli girl, once a bass, and other stuff.
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you see, the girl that i am currently interested in like Bass. it
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is her favorite kind of beer. i went to the bar that she likes to go to
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and she was there and my friend had an id that said he was 23 and i had
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him get us all a pitcher, and this girl recommended bass. so he went and
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bought it. and we had a pitcher of bass.
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matt and i both ended up sorta puking that night. i wasn't drunk
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at all, but eventually i had this feeling in my esophagus that seemed like
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i really had to do something about. so i ... like coughed up some stuff
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(foam?) into my mouth and then .. well, swallowed it. i wasn't drunk.
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what else was i going to do with that shit? that was the only vomit-type-
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-shit involved. it went into my mouth and then went right back down. fuck
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it. it doesn't matter. matt went to the bathroom and ended up puking a
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bit into his hand on the way there. i think he dropped it on the floor or
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something.
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see, drinking is a lot of fun. sometimes you get emotionally
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affected and can talk to people about your innermost feelings, which is
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good, if you feel like sharing, and sometimes you feel like shit and end
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up vomitting all over the place and doing bad shit and raping girls and
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whatnot. well, see, that's alcohol for you and what's thwy they outlawed
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it in the fuckin' 30's or whatever and that's the end. see, the american
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government wanted to boost the economomy by TOTALLY OUTLAWING LIQUOR. the
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less liquor they sell, the less people will be employed by
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liquor-producers, which means less jobs, less money, worse economy, etc.
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i've eaten tacos two nights in a row, and i've eaten in a
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restaurant in dresden. i don't remember exactly what i had, excpet that i
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expected it to be bad and it ended up being good. it was quite a surprise.
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and the people i was there with... man, they were coool. my host sister
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and her brother and their friend who lived in dresden. she looked pretty
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much like a boy, but she was a girl. and she was so fun! we had such a
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great time. we were all speaking in english and shit because i only knew
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_so much_ deutsch... man, that wa s killer time.
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and i met this guy tonight at the amiga party who lieks kraftwerk.
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a LOT. he has EVERYUTHING FUCKING BOOTLEGETS AND SHIT> OFRU TNATELY FOR
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ME I WAS WEARING MY AMIGA SHIRT.. NO, MY _KRAFWERK_ SHRT, AND SOMEONE
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POINTED THAT OUT TO HIM, SO HE CAME AND TALKED TO ME. HE LIVED IN GERMANY
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FOR 222 YEARS OR SOMETHIGN, BEING RAISED THERE AND STUFF. AND HE LOVES
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KRAFWETKR! we talked about kraftwerk and their spinoff projects and other
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80's synthpop bands and stuff. he kicked ass. i got his email address.
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and i got the email address of the guy who was elite at one point and was
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into c64 and amiga bbsing.
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for a while, it was really a natural progression to move from a c64
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to an amiga. that's what this guy did. matt, styx, thought that he would
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be able to run c64 apps and games and stuff on his amiga 500 that he
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bought, but it doesn't work that way, so he returned it and didn't really
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get involved with the amiga world. that's too bad, because the amiga
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world is still very rewarding. there's this new guy who's now president
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of amiga, inc. he's really got a vision, and he really thinks that now is
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that time to introduce new computing technology. he believes that the
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microsoft windows world is over, and that there is an opening. i believe
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that too. it really seems that this is the wonderful window of
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opportunity. think about the time when the average consumer had the choice
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between a c64, an atari 400/800, and a tandy, and a ti99/4a. they were all
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completely different computers (though some of them used the same central
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processor), had different software (though some games were written foor the
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different computers) and had different followings. but each computer did
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what people needed a computer to do. they would word-process, play games,
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and... umm manage finances? i dunno. they all did these things, with
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special programs, and that's what people needed. well
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well, see, if someone now introduces a computer that can web-browse,
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play kick-ass games, and still do neat things like word-process and
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whatnot, there really is a market for people to buy such a thing.
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especially if it is backed by gateway. amiga (owned by gateway) now is
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working on such a machine -- it will appeal to enthusiasts and to
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consumers. there will be various models of the machine, and one of the
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few things they all will have incommon is the operating system. it will be
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a very high-performance, multi-media-centric operating system. see, the
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amiga did multimedia before PCs did. the amiga was multimedia before the
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term "multimedia" even fucking EXISTED> so SUCK YOUR OWN FUCKING COCKS,
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PC WORLD. GO BLOW A FUCKING GOAT, BECAUSE THAT'S AS GOOD AS YOURE' GOING
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TO GET. YOUR PENISES ARE AS BIG AS BLADES OF GRASS, AND THEY ARE GREEN AS
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WELL, AND YOU FUCKIN GSUCK, YOUGOD DAMNED MOTHERFUCKERS. IF ONLY THERE
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WEREN'T PEOPLE EVERYWHERE ALWAYS LOOKING TO RUIN EVERYTHING THAT'S GOOD.
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AND IF DUMB PEOPL ELIKE MOHSIN ALI (DO A WEB SERARRCH) DIDN'T EXIST, THE
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WORLD WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER!#%%#!!#% I AM PISSED OFF
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SO LONG AS I CAN USE THE COMPUTER(S) THAT I WANT TO USE, AND I GET
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TO LOVE THE GIRL THAT I WANT TO LOVE, I WILL BE HAPPY FOR TH EREST OF MY
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LIFE. I REMEMBER USING DUMB APPLE ][ BACK IN THE DAY AND PLAYING SOME
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GAMES AND THINGS AND IT MADE ME HAPPY. I WAS IN WONDER. I DIDN'T HAVE
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ANYTRHING LIKE THAT. NOW, WELL, AMYBE SOME OTHER KIUD CAN FEEL THAT KIND
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OF WONDER LIKE I DID. THER'ES NO WONDER WITH WINDOWS. FUCK IT. THER'S
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NO _POWER_ INVOLVED. there's only this dubm user interface .a dn stuff.
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there's no power ane there's very little motivating anyone to sit down and
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really work with it to create some kind of killer app. same with hardware.
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there's nothing making people want to innovate.
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well, see this new amiga will make people want to innovate and they
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will come up with new ideas, just like the video toaster for the original
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amiga basically COMPLETELY FORMED the DESKTOP VIDEO MARKET. before the
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video toaster, therew axs sno such things as the DESKTOP VIDEO MARKET. the
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video toaster invented that. and without the amiga comptuer, the
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videotaoster wouldn't have come into existence. hell, without the amiga,
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the video toaster STILL WOULDN'T EXIST.
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folks, the video toaster is a device that would take 4 video inputs
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and switch between them, and it had two video outputs. but see, there was
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a lot more circuitry involve.d it could "genlock", or overlay the amiga's
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video onto the video input. so you could, say, have scrolling text going
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across a live video feed. there was toasterpaint, which allwed 24bit
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painting over a 24bit video-toasterframe-grab. there was lightwave. the
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most advanced renderer/ray-tracer in existence. it's what ws used to
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render the scenes in titanic, folks. and in seaQuest DSV, and in Robocop:
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The TV series, and in Antz, and in Bugs Life, and in Toy Story, and bla
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bla bla blb al. Deep Space Nine. Babylon 5. some of these shows / movies
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were actually rendered using an amiga running lightwave, other shows came
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after the amiga was slower than pcs. see, eventually, amigas became
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limited to a processor set that could only reach 50mhz. pcs were going up
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to 200 mhz. and although the amiga had a spectacular operating system,
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and stuff, that raw processing power just wasn't there anymore. so people
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would begin to use lightwave on fast fast pcs and DEC Alpha machines.
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those machines didn't have video toasters tough! see, the only machine
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capable of running a video toaster is amiga! amigas are really the outlet
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for the creative mind. both in the software development field, as well as
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in the image and audio creation field. there simply hasn't been another
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platform quite like it that has allowed people to create things with as
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much ease of use and freedom as the amiga. the way that everything just
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"works" allows program to provide users with functions to create, rather
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than mess with making things work. things should just work anyway, that's
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why we're using computers, right?
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anyway, i'm going to stop rambling on, because this isn't amusing,
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but rather it is a rant on computers, which not everyone is completely
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interested in. this is what is going on in my mind while i am drunk and
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have my eyes closed and have a text editor in front of me. that's how it
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works. sometimes i say things that amuse people, but i suppose that while
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i am at an amiga show, i think about amiga. i'm afraid that you'll have
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to live with that, since you suffered through this entire file looking for
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some kind of trilobyte-trademark(tm) of funny humor to make you giggle. i
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suppose that was at the beginning of the file. and i did talk about a
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number of interesting and funny things in this text, before my eyes were
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closed.
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maybe as my eyes see all the various words on the the screen, my
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eyes put them all together and get ideas from that. i don't know, how
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could i know? i could ask the supreme being that runs all of our
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four-leggeds and say " hey what the fuck" and you know answers would flow
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like wine. and yeah but i should get to sleep. but this isn't a phone
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conversation so it doesn't matter. i don't know who you are. i can assume
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who you are, since i know some people that generally religiously read HOE
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files, but this might not even turn into a hoe file for all i know. maybe
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mogel will reject it, since it just talks about computers, and computers
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are lame. sometimes i type fast and sometimes i don't. sometimes while
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my eyes are closed, i type with lots of typos.
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so be it.
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[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #522 - WRITTEN BY: TRILOBYTE - 3/21/99 ]
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