84 lines
4.0 KiB
Plaintext
84 lines
4.0 KiB
Plaintext
|
|
'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
|
|
##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
|
|
##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #496 !!
|
|
#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
|
|
##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
|
|
##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Realizations, Pre-dawn." !!
|
|
##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> The Jester !!
|
|
..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 3/3/99 !!
|
|
!!========================================================================!!
|
|
|
|
4:29.
|
|
|
|
we lie in bed and she sleep while i ponder. what is tomorrow?
|
|
what is love? i figure out the universe while she rests her head upon my
|
|
arm. what _is_ love anyway?
|
|
|
|
i lie there and stare at the window. non-descript winter weather is
|
|
oh so dull. i'd rather have the rain of the spring, the humidity of summer
|
|
or closure of fall. winter just is. living in the part of the country
|
|
where it gets cold enough to freeze but not quite cold enough to warrant
|
|
much snow makes winter the longest season by far.
|
|
|
|
i love the spring the most probably. rain cleanses.
|
|
|
|
she hates the rain. she says it is so depressing. how can the
|
|
water cycle be depressing? it is life. she wishes it would rain
|
|
elsewhere, i wish she was someone else.
|
|
|
|
4:35. i can still get two hours of sleep before i need to be awake.
|
|
|
|
i look at her and make sure its her. ashley. i sure do wish it was
|
|
someone i cared about. i really do. girls seem to think guys want to be
|
|
with every girl on the face of the planet. why? there is only one girl i
|
|
want to be with, and thats the one person i destroy. i am afraid of loving
|
|
her or anyone else for that matter. i live my life without the familiarity
|
|
of love out of fear i might be myself and hurt.
|
|
|
|
i try not to delude myself too much. i make sure i realize quite
|
|
fully that i make the life in which i live. i am responsible for my
|
|
destiny of unhappiness. i truly do accept it and am willing to live. i
|
|
don't want to live my life unhappily, but i have come to a few conclusions
|
|
at my young age. one of these is you cannot escape yourself. i am pain,
|
|
i cannot break free of that.
|
|
|
|
4:41. i need sleep.
|
|
|
|
i get out of bed and sit in a chair for better view of the windows.
|
|
i can't see many stars. goddamn city with its lights. i think i notice
|
|
mercury, but that could just be a satellite or a plane or something. isn't
|
|
that some shit? not a cloud in the sky and i can't see stars, tell the
|
|
difference between a planet and a device of man, nor open the window for
|
|
that matter. winter sucks. the city sucks. and i am tired. great.
|
|
|
|
"hey, why are you up?"
|
|
|
|
"oh," i say quietly, "hi. couldn't sleep. decided to look at the
|
|
night or sunrise or whatever."
|
|
|
|
"mind if i join you?" she gets up and decides to join me anyway.
|
|
|
|
she sits next to me and leans her head on my shoulder. i can't tell
|
|
if she is asleep again or just sitting there watching the world pass us by
|
|
with me. i hope she is asleep. i don't like being introspective when
|
|
people are thinking about me and thinking about what i am thinking.
|
|
|
|
i lean back in my seat ever so gently as not to disturb her.
|
|
|
|
4:45.
|
|
|
|
i give up. my decisions on how the world works can wait. my ideas
|
|
can wait. my happiness can wait. i am tired. tired of no sleep. tired
|
|
of ashley. tired of the winter. tired of saying i love when i don't.
|
|
everything can wait. i have a whole life to live, i have years yet to
|
|
find love and exploit it. i have years left to find religion. i have
|
|
time.
|
|
|
|
i have time.
|
|
|
|
i can wait. can you?
|
|
|
|
!!========================================================================!!
|
|
!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #496, WRITTEN BY: THE JESTER - 3/3/99 !!
|