1006 lines
44 KiB
Plaintext
1006 lines
44 KiB
Plaintext
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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #475 !!
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#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "When The Beast Met The Outhouse... !!
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##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: and My Fear is Great" !!
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..:::::..::::.....::::........:: by -> AIDS 2/3/99 !!
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!!========================================================================!!
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Scene One - Sanctuary
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=====================
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[ The scene - Mark the Hat and Johnny stand in front of a bird
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sanctuary. Mark the Hat is his usual self, desultory and mad,
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talking a mile a minute about everything but the actual matter
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at hand: a drug deal. Johnny is trying to purchase ecstasy.
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It's midday and the birds are chirping. ]
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Mark the Hat: Here's this bird, see, and he's saying to the others, "Oooh,
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I'll fight with you," because he doesn't know what he's
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doing. And then the others are like, "Fuck off! We'll peck
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your heads! Oooh! We'll peck your heads something fierce!'
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And see, that's why he doesn't have any feathers on his
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head, that's why he's bald. He's got no bloody feathers
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anywhere! (suddenly) Buy me a beer?
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Johnny: (trying to not seem rude) Yeah, I see the bird's head. He's
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pretty bald. Hey, hey, Mark the Hat, have you any ecstasy?
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Mark the Hat: No, but I can get you some. Tell me something. In America,
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you treat the English like pets, don't you? It's always, 'Let's
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take the pet out to dinner' or 'Let's go show our friends the new
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English pet we've made', or, 'Oh, look how cute, the pet speaks
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funny!' Buy me a beer?
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Johnny: Uh.
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Mark the Hat: My favorite are the two lovebirds, though. You see them?
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There was one, first, the boy, and he couldn't get along
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with anyone here. Not one single bird liked him in the
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whole cage and they were always picking at his head and
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attacking him and he just kept saying, 'Oh, please, please
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leave me alone! I wish there was another lovebird for me
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to acquaint myself with'. So I went to the guy who runs
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this, a nice sort, and I said, 'You've got to get another
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of those, because otherwise that one will die of
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loneliness'. So.. he got one. And now, look, they're as
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happy as can be. Buy me a beer?
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Johnny: So, how long would it take you to get me some ecstasy? We've
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been really dying to get our hands on some more. The last time
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we took it, it was beautiful, we went up the Tor and we could
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see all the stars and the glare of the distant cities.
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Mark tha Hat: Oh, that's sounds perfect. Well, it'll take me a few
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hours, but if you want speed, I've always got speed, right
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here in me bag. I've also got some acid, you know? The
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two together are pretty much ecstasy. Same feeling, do you
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want to do that instead? Cheaper, too. (screams:) Ooooh!
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See that one, there, the yellow one in the birdhouse?
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Watch him now! He does this everyday! He flies down, gets
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some straw and tries to build a nest! He brings it up to
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the birdhouse and when he goes to get another piece, it
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always falls out! He's been doing it for two years, and
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he's like, 'Bloody hell! Why the fuck won't this nest be
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built and done with already?' He does it everyday! I've
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been watching him for two years. I watch them for a few
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minutes each day, have done so for years on end. It gets
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me going in the morning. It's just a beautiful way to start
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the day. Buy me a beer?
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Johnny: So. how much is the speed and acid?
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Mark the Hat: Well, that depends, it depends on how much you want. Buy
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me a beer?
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Johnny: Maybe enough for two people?
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Mark the Hat: I'd say about thirty quid, give or take. Buy me a beeer?
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Johnny: Well, I'll take thirty worth if that's fine by you.
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Mark tha Hat: Ok, lemme get it out.
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[ Mark the Hat begins to rummage through his bag, finally finding
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a small container in which he stores his drugs. He removes the
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container's lid, pulls out two small wrapping and hands them to
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Johnny, who examines them and in turn hands over thirty pounds
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to Mark tha Hat. ]
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Johnny: Well, Mark the Hat, I've gotta be getting back to her, you know.
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Can't just be expected to leave my girlfriend waiting for me.
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She's alone in a foreign town, you know. (laughs a little,
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awkwardly)
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Mark the Hat: Aye, I understand. Buy me a beer?
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Johnny: What the hell is wrong with you? I just gave you thirty pound,
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buy your own fucking beer!
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[ Johnny leaves. ]
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[ Enter chorus. The chorus is made up of the women of the city,
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mainly hippies, one or two older women convinced they are the
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mouthpiece of angels. They watch Mark the Hat face the birds
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and stare at them with rapt attention. ]
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Chorus: Mark the hat! The harbinger of doom, he whom the gods
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would destroy they first make mad, and Mark the Hat walks
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towards destruction. Mad! He's mad!
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Mark the Hat: (speaking to the Chorus) You'll not ruin it! You'll not
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ruin my fun! Tonight a spectacle, and tomorrow, and
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tomorrow, and tomorrow. And my fear is great that you have
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taken my god from me!
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[ Mark the Hat runs off stage hooting and hollering, presumably to
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go buy some beer. Lights dim. ]
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Scene Two - Ja! Ja! Rasta-Boom-Basta!
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=======================================
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[ The scene - a field before Glastonbury Tor. The Tor is cleared
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visible in the background, remote and distant. Johnny and his
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girlfriend, Elysium enter stage right. There's a bench in the
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field provided for their leisure, and Johnny sits down on it,
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Elysium sits on the ground next to it. They are, at this point,
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cranked up. But it's early in their journey and so they aren't
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completely out of control. ]
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Elysium: Why'd it have to be speed? The acid, sure, I can deal, but acid
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and SPEED?
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Johnny: So you'd go psycho and rip my fucking head off, drive down the
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freeway in a van, and throw my head at a passing car. Someone
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did that in Texas you know. He really pulled an Icabod Crane,
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no shit, I'm not lying.
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Elysium: Between 1950 and 1991? 92? Disney made approximately two good
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animated productions, and one live action-animation fusion. The
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second was The Fox and The Hound which had this intense visual
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style about it. dark and gloomy, like living on the inside of a
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pillow case your entire life. The first was their dramatization
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of The Headless Horseman.
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Johnny: The early Mickey Mouse cartoons, they were funny. The early
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Silly Symphonies, they were funny. Remember when they called
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Goofy 'Dippy Dawg'? But, overall, Disney cartoons just weren't
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funny. They couldn't compare with Warner Brothers, though, in
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terms of humor. Disney cartoons weren't really funny once Walt
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and the crew became respectable and started paying attention to
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the mother's groups.
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Elysium: Sure enough, but you and I are both aware that neither company
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ever could or ever would hold a match to the Fleischers.
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Johnny: Oh, oh, of course. Those were just brilliant. You see those
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cartoons and you're peering over the edge of order and looking
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into a huge vat of Chaos. My favorite is the one with Santa
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Claus. Santa Claus comes off how you always wanted him to, not
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sorry and sappy and this corporate entity there to humor kids,
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but rather as this raving lunatic, incontinent with laughter,
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who just can't help doing what he does because he thinks it's
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all so grand and funny. That's what I'd want Santa Claus to be
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like if I met him.
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[ A pause. The drugs are kicking in. ]
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Johnny: What was the live action-animation fusion?
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Elyisum: (nervously) What?
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Johnny: You know, you said Disney made a good live action animation
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blended film, what is it?
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Elyisum: (relived) Oh, oh, that. The Song of the South. The critics
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slagged it for racist, but, still, when I see it, and hear that
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music, and see that ol' Rabbit. Yeah.
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Johnny: I liked Robin Hood.
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Elyisum: What?
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Johnny: I think Robin Hood, the Disney one with the fox as Robin and a
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fox as Marian, and King John as a stupid lion with a snake
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advisor, Little John the bear that bore a not-too-surprising
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resemblence to Baloo, Allan-a-Dale as a Rooster with an American
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accent and a blues guitar, all that. I liked that one, I really
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liked that one. It was the balls. Did it have Will Scarlet? I
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can't remember, for the life of me, I can't remember if it had
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Will Scarlet. (trailing off) What the hell animal would he have
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been. another fox? another fox.
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[ He trails off as Elysium stares at him. She looks at him, she's
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starting to shake, and she erupts into a scream. ]
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Elysium: Aiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Your husband Agamemnon returns! WHY
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THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ROBIN HOOD? It's a terrible
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movie and it's certainly not what I want to be hearing while
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this shit starts rocking me! Please! Shut! The! Fuck! Up!
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Johnny: What the fuck is your problem? What the hell did I do to you?
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Elysium: Oh, I dunno, maybe it's this idea that I was somehow pressured
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into taking this speed, when all I wanted to do was take some
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ecstasy, climb the Tor, and experience the beauty of everything,
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like we did last night.
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Johnny: Well, god damn, (stressed) Sor-reee. I couldn't get us any
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ecstasy, ok? I figured, I might as well get what I could. And
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why the hell would I freaking want to pressure you into doin
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anything? I could just as easily have pumped myself full of
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drugs without you.
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Elysium: Listen! Listen! It just doesn't matter, ok? Let's just drop it
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and try to have a good time tonight, ok? I mean, just because
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this night is just like every other night in our relationship
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should be no reason that we can't enjoy ourselves, now should
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it?
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Johnny: Wonderful. You know what you are? You know what you are?
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Elysium: What am I?
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Johnny: Birds chirping at night.
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Elysium: Fuck off.
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[ Another pause. ]
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Johnny: (not exactly meek, but not exactly headstrong, either) Do you
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want to climb the Tor or what?
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Elysium: Might as well.
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[ They begin to walk off stage, enter the chorus. The chorus is
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made up of reggae cows. The lights dim as they enter, so they
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are only shapes of strange motion to the audience and to the
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players. ]
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Chorus: Night and Day. Oooohh. Night and Day. Oooohhhhh...
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Ja! Ja! Rasta-boom-Basta! Ja would never let the wicked man!
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Johnny: What the fuck are those things? What the fuck is this?
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Elysium: I don't know!
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[ As the Chorus chants, Johnny becomes more and more disturbed,
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we see him shaking physically and pratically convulsing, while
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Elysium seems to be looking for something on her person. ]
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Chorus: I know that you're in love with him. Oooohhh. Ooooooh...
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but, but, she's not in love with me!
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Agonize, pine, hate, destroy, deny, what can I do?
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the only reason I listen to so much god damned Led Zeppelin
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is because I relate to the lyrics!
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you know why I relate to the lyrics?
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BECAUSE YOU MADE IT THAT WAY
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(Also, they recorded D'yer Ma'ker. Ja! Ja!)
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Johnny: And my fear is great that my death is upon me, and I can see the
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outlined shimmering shapes through the lies and mists of my own
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time, an eternal thousand flounderings of mystification and
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magic, and though I have grown tired of my station I will
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forever abide by it, because it is my station and I so
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desperately want something to be mine. (To Elysium) We've got
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to kill these fucking things. We've got to fucking kill them!
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It's the survival of the fittest, and though I hate what I've
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become and who you've made me, I can't bear to be without it!
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(screaming) MURDER KILL MURDER DESTROY SLAUGHTER
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[ As Johnny's rushing the Chorus, Elysium turns on her flashlight
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and shines them on the cows. ]
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Elysium: Your pharmacopia is betraying you, Johnny-boy, those are just
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cows. They aren't out to do anything except chew cud and shit
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all over the place. (points to the ground) See all that? That's
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shit. Don't fall it in, because I'm just going to have to wash
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your clothes in you do, and I think it's the least you could do
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to avoid making a further mess for me.
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[ Johnny and Elysium walk through the Chorus, Elysium first. As
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Elysium passes on of the last members, it moves behind her,
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blocking Johnny's path. ]
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Johnny: (yelling in an almost falsetto) FUCKING COWS!!!!
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[ Johnny walks around the cows and follows Elysium. ]
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Johnny: When, you know, back there, I was just a little buggin' on the
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drugs, you know? I wasn't really serious about any of that, you
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know? Just a little fucked, just a little fucked. Hah ha ha.
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And I haven't even peaked. heh heh heh.
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Elysium: Sure, John, sure.
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[ They walk off stage. ]
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Interim One - Rape
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==================
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[ The interim - a field somewhere. The Tor is a little larger in
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the background. Johnny and Elysium enter stage right. ]
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Johnny: (with some real scorn) Do you remember how we met?
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Elysium: (sitting down on the middle of the stage, and answering with
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reserve) Yeah. I do.
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Johnny: Do you ever think about it?
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Elysium: I try not to.
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Johnny: I think about it a lot. It changed both of us irrevocably, I
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mean, I became this major figure in your life with an act of
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kindness for which I desired no reward.
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Elysium: (with total exhaustion, as if she's said this a million times
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before) Yeah, well, thanks for saving me John.
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Johnny: (misinterpreting her apathy for sarcasm) What? (yelling) You want
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I should have left you there for the ghouls to violate? Yeah,
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you bitch, you fucking twat, don't think I don't know what you're
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doing. You fucking little twat! (Really flabbergasted! His
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yells become almost like the squeal of a stuck pig) I really
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should have left you there. Ha haha! You fucking whore!
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Elysium: Sometimes, John, my love, I think, I think just maybe it would
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have been better if you did leave me there. I mean, at least
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then all the inept fumbling would have been unconscious and
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involuntary, and would have taken, what, two hours of my life?
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But instead, you rescued me, and I've spent the past four years
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in your filth incrusted arms suffering beneath your gentle
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caress which fill me with such a loathing that the bile stains
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my teeth.
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Johnny: You little fucking little fucking little fucking little bitch ass
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twat! For you, my love! All for you! Filth incrusted embraces
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and a miserable little hot-house that I saved at a party! A
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little god damned piece of shit, a worthless hunk of flesh and a
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waste of an ovarian ejection and seminary particle! I should
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have left you, you know that?
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Elysium: Yes, idiot, I think you've gotten to that already. Maybe it
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needs a little more reiteration before I really get it through
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my skull?
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Johnny: I bet. I bet you would have liked it! I heard it's every
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woman's fantasy! Fucking whore. Fifteen years old, at a party
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full of her elders, guys all like twenty-one, fucking little whore
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gets real drunk and passes out. I happen to stumble in on the
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scene, I'm looking down at your little virgin cunt, supposedly
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virgin, anyway, and this fucking piece of shit, this dumb mother
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fucker who invited me to his stupid party for no good reason, he
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looks up at me, points down to your passed out twat, and gives me
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that look, that sex-look that guys get, and says, "You want first
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dibs?"
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Elysium: (screaming) Stop!
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Johnny: And I'm looking here at your cunt, you've got no pants on, I'm
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looking at your virginal mound, flesh little thing it was, a
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little fat around the outer lips, and I realize you're about to
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get gang-banged like no tomorrow! They're looking at you, and
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they're saying, "Shit, this bitch is a good place to deposit my
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lovely little sperm!"
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Elysium: (yelling) Stop it! Stop it!
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Johnny: And here's your fucking pussy with its sparse hairs gently
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covering it, and all I can think about is how beautiful and
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delicate the hairs look, how they drape over your cunt like mist
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over the ocean. What a fucking parallel in my mind. These god
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damned ghouls, absolutely FUCKING ghouls, I can see the grim
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vizard of death over their faces, I know they're about to
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destroy you, and they look like the most horrible things in the
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world to me. And here's this scene, this fucking majestic scene,
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something out of a painting by Monet! I could see infinity in
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each one of those hairs reaching out from your virginal mound,
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like they were trying to tenderly caress the sky above it,
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tendrils of the earth towards the sun.
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Elysium: (really shrieking now) STOP! STOP IT! STOP IT NOW! STOP!
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STOP! STOP!
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[ As the following is spoken, Elyisum continues to scream out her
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impotent protestations while Johnny screams his words over her.
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The longer it goes on, the closer to the earthen floor she
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becomes, until she is finally wilted and weeping. When he stops
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screaming, only her weeping should be audible for about twenty
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seconds. Absolute drug-induced bawling. ]
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Johnny: (hollering) These electrical connections springing forth from
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your loins! And then I look up and see they haven't fucking
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taken your shirt off, the god damned sick fucking animals haven't
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even bothered to take off your shirt, they're so interested in
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pumping and humping! There is no pain like that of desire! And I
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see you're wearing a shirt with a picture of Boba Fett on it, and
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I decided I had to rescue you, you dumb fucking cunt, so I did it.
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I simply went over, and picked up your form, and took you back to
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my fucking house. And I didn't rape you, and I told you what
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happened, and we got together, and I've been with your sorry ass
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ever since. I wish to fucking GOD I had left you there! I wish
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to fucking GOD your sorry ass had gotten raped and I wouldn't
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have to deal with this shit. (he stops for a second and hears
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her weeping) Stop fucking crying! Fight back, you bitch! Fight
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with me! Do something! I'll kill you tonight! I'll kill you
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tonight! (shrieking) Oh, you're dead now!
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[ He moves over her body and stands silently above her, just
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watching her weeping. ]
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[ Suddenly, her weeping is drowned out by the sounds of
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ritualistic drums. They're beating far in the distance, and
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both characters look up towards the Tor, indicating that the
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sound is definitely coming from there. ]
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Elysium: (still tearful, but mainly scared) My god! What the hell is
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that?
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Johnny: It's coming from the Tor. It's coming from the Tor. What the
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hell is it?
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Elysium: Oh, god, oh..
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Johnny: Is it demons? Maybe it's Gwynn ap Nudd!
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Elysium: Oh.. Oh. (she makes a movement indicating she's probably going
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to be sick.)
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Johnny: We've got to go on. We've got to see what the noise is, c'mon,
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come ON!
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[ He pulls her up and pulls her off the stage. They exit stage
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left. ]
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Scene Three - A Good Mind is Not a Good Fuck Mate
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=================================================
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|
|
[ Enter Johnny and Elysium, they're at the base of the Tor.
|
|
Enter simultaneously, from the other side of the stage, the
|
|
Chorus. The Chorus is the women of the city again. The drums
|
|
are beating louder and continue through the entire following
|
|
scene. ]
|
|
|
|
Chorus Leader: (to Johnny and Elysium) Don't you think the problem is
|
|
that you aren't really compatible?
|
|
|
|
Johnny: What the fuck do you want lady?
|
|
|
|
Leader: I just see something in the two of you. I know it's absurd,
|
|
silly really, but I've got to express my opinion on it. I see in
|
|
the two of you a total and complete incompatibility.
|
|
|
|
Elysium: (seemingly interested) Why?
|
|
|
|
Leader: One, it's a relationship whose foundation is one of clay. You
|
|
got together, I heard, you got it on after he saved you from a
|
|
supposed fate worse than death, correct?
|
|
|
|
Elysium: (hesitant) yes.
|
|
|
|
Leader: Emotions were running high. People are liable to do anything,
|
|
en-Y-thing if it's motivated out a release of fear. Look at
|
|
wars. People do anything to try and escape the horror around
|
|
them. That's what started the relationship.
|
|
|
|
Johnny: So? People ended up together during the War for the rest of
|
|
their lives. We're all probably the result of wartime
|
|
relationships. All of us. My parents got together in 1984. The
|
|
war was in full bloom then, they were dissenters, they needed
|
|
an outlet. They're still together. Is their relationship based
|
|
on clay?
|
|
|
|
Leader: (ignoring Johnny, speaking to Elysium) The other fatality, and
|
|
perhaps the more important one, is the real lack of physical
|
|
connectivity between the two of you.
|
|
|
|
Johnny: (angered) What the fuck do you mean? What? What the fuck do you
|
|
mean?
|
|
|
|
Elysium: (pleading to Johnny) Please! I want to hear what she's saying.
|
|
this old woman of the city, she knows, I think, she knows what's
|
|
happening with us. I don't know how, but I think she does.
|
|
Really.
|
|
|
|
Leader: (to Elysium) You thought it would be great! You thought it would
|
|
be great! But a good mind is not a good fuck mate! Mark E.
|
|
Smith. There's got to be a connection, child, there has got to
|
|
be a physical chemistry, call it pheromones or some sort of
|
|
preference for the symmetry of one another's faces, but there
|
|
has got to be a physical connection for any relationship to
|
|
survive and flourish. You can't base it simply on an intellectual
|
|
connection. At the heart there's got to be a real chemistry.
|
|
|
|
Johnny: Great. Great. What the fuck (stressed) ever, you old fucking
|
|
bag. Why don't you get the fuck out of my face, why don't you eat
|
|
my shit? Why don't you just leave us alone? How do you know any
|
|
of this shit? How do you know any of this bullshit that you're
|
|
spewing, you haven't been there in bed, have you? You haven't
|
|
been there. No. You haven't.
|
|
|
|
Elysium: But I have. I have. and she's right.
|
|
|
|
Johnny: (almost inaudible) fuck you
|
|
|
|
Elysium: We'd be such great friends. If we weren't so tied to one
|
|
another in this sexual girl - boy relationship, if we could
|
|
exist just as friends who didn't care if the other was about
|
|
to freak out over some dumb shit nobody really cares about. I
|
|
mean, you know, if we were just friends and didn't have to
|
|
interact in this fucked emotional plane. We've got such a great
|
|
mental connection.
|
|
|
|
Johnny: (brisk) Yeah, whatever. Well, fuck that. Whatever. What-ever.
|
|
Yeah, well, whatever. (to the leader of the Chorus) WHAT THE
|
|
FUCK ARE THOSE GOD DAMNED DRUMS?
|
|
|
|
Leader: Are you so unaware of the date? Are you so unwary of time? It's
|
|
May Eve. May Eve.
|
|
|
|
Johnny: And?
|
|
|
|
Chorus: (sung, of course, to the tune of Teddy Bear's picnic)
|
|
If you go up to the Tor today
|
|
You're sure of a big surprise.
|
|
If you go up to the Tor today
|
|
You'd better go in disguise
|
|
For every pagan that ever there was
|
|
Will gather there for certain because
|
|
Today's the day the Cult Members have their picnic.
|
|
|
|
Picnic time for Cult Members
|
|
The little Cult Members are having a lovely time today
|
|
Watch them, catch them unawares
|
|
And see them picnic on their holidays
|
|
See them gaily dash about
|
|
They love to sing and shout
|
|
They never have any cares
|
|
At 2 o'clock great Cthulhu and Yog-Sothoth
|
|
Will take them home to Yuggoth
|
|
Because they're tired little Cult Members
|
|
|
|
Johnny: I'm leaving. No more. Absolutely not. (To Elysium) We're
|
|
leaving.
|
|
|
|
Elysium: Oh, but, Johnny, I'd like to sit and hear more of what they
|
|
have to say. It's making sense, you know? It makes
|
|
sseeensssseee to me.
|
|
|
|
Johnny: I am absolutely-fucking-not staying for any more of this shit!
|
|
No way! Are you going to stay or are you coming with me?
|
|
|
|
Elysium: I don't know. (trails off)
|
|
|
|
Johnny: (furious) What the hell? How long have we known each other?
|
|
Four years? And how long have you known these people? Two
|
|
minutes? And you're actually contemplating staying with them
|
|
to listen to them bad mouth? Where's your sense of loyalty?
|
|
Where's your sense of friendship? What the hell?
|
|
|
|
Elysium: That's just it. it's been so long. I'm bored. I. don't. know.
|
|
It's different with them, it's something fresh and interesting
|
|
and all you ever are anymore is pain and misery. Can you
|
|
understand that when you walk by my side, it's like a walking
|
|
cancer? A death itself that consumes my heart. My like a flame
|
|
turned upside down.
|
|
|
|
Johnny: The sun a severed neck! We're leaving! NOW!
|
|
|
|
[ He grabs Elysium and half-drags her off the stage. The other
|
|
half of her is willing to go with him. It's not so much an
|
|
external struggle so much as an internal one. ]
|
|
|
|
Chorus: And while I can not say I have
|
|
Gone to Hell for your love,
|
|
I have oft found myself there
|
|
In your pursuit.
|
|
|
|
[ Lights dim. ]
|
|
|
|
Interim Two - Heavy Metal or No Metal at All
|
|
============================================
|
|
|
|
[ Elysium and Johnny enter on stage, and we realize they're
|
|
halfway up the Tor now. The ruins of the old church are
|
|
visible from above and the sound of the drumming is almost
|
|
deafening. They enter and Johnny sits down on a bench, scared
|
|
to go any further. ]
|
|
|
|
Johnny: What do you think's up there?
|
|
|
|
Elysium: (wryly) If I had to guess, I'd say the Cult Members picnic.
|
|
|
|
Johnny: Shut the hell up, sub-human scum.
|
|
|
|
Elysium: (to no one at all) This love. for you my love.
|
|
|
|
Johnny: Heavy Metal.
|
|
|
|
Elysium: Hm?
|
|
|
|
Johnny: Lyrics. You're saying lyrics to a Pantera song. Heavy Metal.
|
|
|
|
Elysium: Oh, well, I had no idea. Is this going to turn into your old
|
|
time-honored speech about how as human beings we should try
|
|
and elevate our emotions so they don't end up being direct
|
|
mirrors of heavy metal lyrics? Can you please tell me, once
|
|
again, about how my current mental and emotional time frame
|
|
are summed up by four guys destroying their instruments in the
|
|
name of music? And can you please, then add in that they
|
|
aren't even human? But are rather some sort of sub-human
|
|
primate.
|
|
|
|
Johnny: For use on sub-human primates and animals only.
|
|
|
|
Elyisum: What?
|
|
|
|
Johnny: FOR USE ON SUB-HUMAN PRIMATES AND ANIMALS ONLY. It's the label
|
|
on the bottles of ketamine, special K, the wonder drug.
|
|
|
|
Elysium: Answer me.
|
|
|
|
Johnny: Well. to be honest, sure, that's the speech you were going to
|
|
get, but you kinda pre-empted it.
|
|
|
|
Elysium: And how all of my joy can be summed up in a song by Extreme?
|
|
And all of your angst towards me is just Type O Negative,
|
|
pre-goth? And how Bloody Cum clearly expresses all the hatred
|
|
I can ever feel?
|
|
|
|
Johnny: All of that, yes.
|
|
|
|
Elysium: Metallica, Megadeth, GWAR, Napalm Death, Morbid Angel, Deicide,
|
|
Cannibal Corpse, Man-o-War, Sepultura, Cradle of Filth,
|
|
Entombed, Corrosion of Conformity, Iron Maiden, Danzig,
|
|
G'N'F'N'R, Emperor, Nihilist, and Bolt Thrower?
|
|
|
|
Johnny: (much ashamed) Yes.
|
|
|
|
Elysium: Well, great.
|
|
|
|
(They pause for a long, long time.)
|
|
|
|
Johnny: Well, what do we do now?
|
|
|
|
Elysium: Go up the Tor?
|
|
|
|
Johnny: What's up there?
|
|
|
|
Elysium: Probably just some kids with drums.
|
|
|
|
Johnny: What if it's something awful?
|
|
|
|
Elysium: Like what?
|
|
|
|
Johnny: There are some things man is not meant to know. What if it's
|
|
something so horrible and hideous that we never recover? The
|
|
final snap of our minds.
|
|
|
|
Elysium: Only one way to find out.
|
|
|
|
Johnny: I'm not kidding.
|
|
|
|
Elysium: Me either.
|
|
|
|
Johnny: I'm seriously scared.
|
|
|
|
Elysium: Don't be such a little girl. Come up the Tor with me, my love.
|
|
|
|
Johnny: (resolved to his fate) Fine. I'm ready now. Let's go.
|
|
|
|
[ As they get up to go, enter on stage the Chorus in the guise of
|
|
Heavy Metal people. Guys and gals, who cares, right? A healthy
|
|
mix of both sexes, only slightly predominated by the men. It
|
|
should be made clear to us that they are coming down the Tor.
|
|
From whatever was there. ]
|
|
|
|
Elysium: (to Johnny) Look, do they look destroyed? They came down from
|
|
the Tor. They're fine. (to the Chorus) Hello, metal people.
|
|
How are you?
|
|
|
|
Leader: We're just fine, and yourself?
|
|
|
|
Elysium: Oh, you know, just out for a stroll up the Tor.
|
|
|
|
Leader: I see.
|
|
|
|
Elysium: You would be able to tell us what that infernal racket coming
|
|
down from the ruins is? The drumming, what's it for?
|
|
|
|
Leader: You don't want to know. You also probably don't want to go up
|
|
there. I would not recommend it.
|
|
|
|
Johnny: (nervous) Why?
|
|
|
|
Leader: It can only lead to your downfall.
|
|
|
|
Johnny: I knew it. Just as I know that our fate is there. We're going
|
|
to have to go up that Tor.
|
|
|
|
Elysium: He's right. I can feel it, too. We've got to climb the Tor.
|
|
We've got no other choice.
|
|
|
|
Leader: Don't.
|
|
|
|
Johnny: We've got to.
|
|
|
|
Chorus: (sung, of course, to the tune of Teddy Bear's picnic)
|
|
If you go up to the Tor today
|
|
You're sure of a big surprise.
|
|
If you go up to the Tor today
|
|
You'd better go in disguise
|
|
For every pagan that ever there was
|
|
Will gather there for certain because
|
|
Today's the day the Cult Members have their picnic.
|
|
|
|
Picnic time for Cult Members
|
|
The little Cult Members are having a lovely time today
|
|
Watch them, catch them unawares
|
|
And see them picnic on their holidays
|
|
See them gaily dash about
|
|
They love to sing and shout
|
|
They never have any cares
|
|
At 2 o'clock great Cthulhu and Yog-Sothoth
|
|
Will take them home to Yuggoth
|
|
Because they're tired little Cult Members
|
|
|
|
Leader: And you will surely find your own decay and dismay. And yea,
|
|
though you walk.
|
|
|
|
Johnny: Why sing the song of the others?
|
|
|
|
Leader: We are the others.
|
|
|
|
Elysium: What?
|
|
|
|
Leader: Though we may appear as the grim visage of Heavy Metal, we are
|
|
those who have followed you, guiding you through your life.
|
|
|
|
Johnny: Oh, Jesus Christ, will just get the hell out of my way so I can
|
|
scale the Tor?
|
|
|
|
Leader: The cows! The Women of the City! The Heavy Metal! We are all of
|
|
them as they were us. Heavy Metal or No Metal at All! Wimps and
|
|
Poseurs, Go on, Get out, Leave the Hall! On this night, this
|
|
night of all nights, there have been groups you have encountered,
|
|
and we have been them all. We have been following you, trying to
|
|
guide you away from this ascent up the Tor, where you can find
|
|
nothing but your own demise.
|
|
|
|
Elysium: Only tonight?
|
|
|
|
Leader: In the past, too. You understand us fully now due to your
|
|
altered psychic state.
|
|
|
|
Elysium: (to Johnny) Maybe we shouldn't scale the Tor.
|
|
|
|
Johnny: What? What the fuck? LOOK AT THEM, YOU STUPID BITCH! They're
|
|
just heavy metal people trying to fuck with us. They probably
|
|
read about pranks in the last issue of Guitar World and decided
|
|
they should try one. Fuck this. (to the Chorus) Get the fuck out
|
|
of my way. I'm going up the Tor.
|
|
|
|
[ Johnny begins to push his way through the Chorus, tossing
|
|
members left and right until he gets to the other side. Elysium
|
|
has not followed, and a wall of metal now blocks them from each
|
|
other. Johnny looks back and just sighs, as if he had expected
|
|
this result. ]
|
|
|
|
Johnny: Push your way through. Come on. We've got to go up the Tor.
|
|
|
|
Elysium: I can't.
|
|
|
|
Johnny: They're fucking lying to you! This is all some stupid metal
|
|
head prank!
|
|
|
|
Elysium: I'm. I'm not sure.
|
|
|
|
Johnny: Ok. Fine! (To the chorus) Name a time in my past, not tonight,
|
|
when you were present.
|
|
|
|
Leader: Remember the Coca-Cola deal? Does she know about the Coca-Cola
|
|
deal? Listen to my last words, any world. Listen to my last
|
|
words, any where.
|
|
|
|
[ Johnny is visibly stricken, for he knows the truth now. There's
|
|
a long pause. ]
|
|
|
|
Johnny: and what about in her life? You didn't happen to be there, say,
|
|
oh, four years ago, did you? You know, the night she almost took
|
|
on three guys? You didn't happen to be the drunken louts that
|
|
were on a mission of penetration, did you?
|
|
|
|
Elysium: (shocked) What?
|
|
|
|
Leader: (fumbling) Well, you see, that was necessary. (pleading) We
|
|
weren't going to rape you, we just needed to bring the two of
|
|
you together. so we could later split you apart. We've been
|
|
guiding and pruning the two of you for years. Slow sculpture.
|
|
You both needed each other.
|
|
|
|
Elysium: (shocked) What?
|
|
|
|
Leader: Well, you see.
|
|
|
|
[ The leader is interrupted as Elysium leaps on the Chorus and
|
|
begins to murder them all. Johnny is hesitant for a moment,
|
|
but then joins in the blood feast. The lights dim. When the
|
|
lights come back up, Elysium and Johnny are covered in blood
|
|
and barely able to walk on two legs, preferring all fours.
|
|
They stare at each other for a while and then walk off stage.
|
|
Various body parts are strewn about the stage floor. Legs,
|
|
arms, that sort of thing. ]
|
|
|
|
Scene Four - Ia! Ia! Cthulhu Ftagn!
|
|
===================================
|
|
|
|
[ The scene - The Tor! In the middle of the stage is a solitary
|
|
stone tower, the sole remains of an ancient church. The tower
|
|
can be entered from two different sides. From within, the
|
|
drumming. Around the Tower fires burn bright Around the fires,
|
|
pagans dance in the night. The pagans are attired in the
|
|
general dress of hippies. ]
|
|
|
|
Pagan #1: is the Lord of the wood, even to.and the gifts of the men of
|
|
Leng. so from the wells of night to the gulfs of space, and
|
|
from the gulfs of space to the wells of night, ever praises
|
|
of Great Cthulhu, of Tsathoggua, and of Him Who is not to be
|
|
Named. Ever Their praises, and abundance to the Black Goat of
|
|
the Woods. Ia! Shub-Niggurath! The Goat with a Thousand
|
|
Young!
|
|
|
|
Group of Pagans: (in response) Ia! Shub-Niggurath! The Black Goat of
|
|
the Woods with a Thousand Young!
|
|
|
|
Pagan #1: And it has come to pass that the Lord of the Woods, being
|
|
seven and nine, down the onyx steps. tributes to Him in the
|
|
Gulf, Azathoth, He of Whom Thou has taught us marvels.on the
|
|
wings of night out beyond space, out beyond the.to that
|
|
whereof Yuggoth is the youngest child, rolling alone in black
|
|
aether at the rim.
|
|
|
|
Pagan #2: go out among men and find the ways thereof, that He in the
|
|
Gulf may know. To Nyarlathotep, Mighty Messenger, must all
|
|
things be told. And He shall put on the semblance of men, the
|
|
waxen mask and the robe that hides, and come down from the
|
|
world of Seven Suns to mock.
|
|
|
|
[ Enter Johnny and Elysium. They remain hidden, aside, where
|
|
the pagans can not see them. They watch the spectacle aghast
|
|
with fright and terror. ]
|
|
|
|
Pagan #1: Nyarlathotep, Great Messenger, bringer of strange joy to
|
|
Yuggoth through the void, Father of the Million Favored Ones,
|
|
Stalker among.
|
|
|
|
Group of Pagans: (chanting) Ph-nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl
|
|
ftagn!
|
|
|
|
Pagan #1: In his house at R'lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming!
|
|
|
|
Pagan #2: That is not dead which can eternal lie, and with strange eons
|
|
even death may die!
|
|
|
|
Group of Pagans: Ia! Ia! Cthulhu ftagn!
|
|
|
|
Johnny: (aside and whispering to Elysium) Something must be done! They
|
|
mean to call up the black mercurial depths of chaos and release
|
|
it on the world. I've read certain. dread books, I know of what
|
|
they mean to do!
|
|
|
|
Pagan #1: (speaking to one of the subordinate pagans) Bring me the Psalms
|
|
of the Silent, for I need now to use it more than ever.
|
|
|
|
Pagan #2: In a world on a fishhook, you're the wave.
|
|
|
|
Random Pagan: Speak not of Innsmouth this night! Call not them to our
|
|
gatherings!
|
|
|
|
Elysium: (whispering to Johnny) What are they doing now? What's that
|
|
he's getting him?
|
|
|
|
[ The subordinate Pagan goes to a remote area of the stage and
|
|
fumbles with something, and returns carrying a book to the
|
|
first Pagan. He treats it as an object to be feared, and it
|
|
seems almost as if he's carrying something highly explosive. ]
|
|
|
|
Pagan #1: Psalms of the Silent! That manuscript of unholy terror, a
|
|
parchment made from the skins of unbaptized babies, and inked
|
|
with blood drained directly from their still pulsing hearts.
|
|
Speak now, speak now, ye dread gods, sing me your songs of
|
|
sorrow.
|
|
|
|
Johnny: (whispering to Elysium) It's the Psalms of the Silent. Only
|
|
scraps of information about it have filtered down. It's an awful
|
|
book. I didn't realize any copies were extant. At least they
|
|
haven't brought out the Mad Arab's work, Abdul Alhazred.
|
|
|
|
Pagan #2: (screaming out orders) Bring me the Necronicom! Tonight Great
|
|
Cthulhu from his house of R'lyeh is released, tonight Azathoth,
|
|
the blind idiot god, tonight his pipers play a little louder,
|
|
for the chaos expands, and Nyarlathotep brings a message of
|
|
doom! Ia! Ia! CTHLHU FTAGN! Ph-nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu
|
|
R'lyeh wgah'nagl ftagn!
|
|
|
|
Group of pagans: (chanting) Ph-nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl
|
|
ftagn!
|
|
|
|
Johnny: (whispering to Elysium) If they do what they mean to, our entire
|
|
way of life, everything we have ever known, will cease. We will
|
|
become unwilling slaves to the Great Ones, and our only salvation
|
|
from this new way of life will be in the natural release death
|
|
brings. For death will become an unguent, a soothing balm to
|
|
dress the wounds inflicted on our souls, bodies, and minds. And
|
|
even then, death may not come, for we are dealing with such
|
|
elements that master death itself. They may not take kindly to
|
|
their servants tapering into those black realms.
|
|
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Elysium: (whispering to Johnny) What can we do?
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Johnny: (whispering to Elysium) We've got to stop it. Our only hope lies
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in murder. Already we have murdered this night, the blood is
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still on our clothes. We must revive it anew and use it to
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destroy them.
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[ One of the lesser Pagans brings forth the Necronomicon. He holds
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it in his hands and stands next to Pagan #2. ]
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Pagan #1: Stop not with these books! Bring the Pnakotic Manuscripts and
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fetch for me the Unaussprechlichen Kulten! All of these and
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more will be needed on this night.
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Elysium: I don't know what these books are, but their very name inspires
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dread within my heart. If simply a name can create such a
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resonance that it's passed down through racial memory, then what
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must be within these books? We have to act.
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Johnny: Yes! Yes! (screaming) YES!
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Elysium: STOP THIS NOW!
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[ Johnny and Elysium storm into the middle of the ritual. The
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Pagans stare, stunned, and the drums stop. There's an awkward
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pause as no one knows what to do. Everyone remains motionless.
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It's as if a spell has been cast and everyone has been petrified
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by its effects. ]
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Johnny: (screaming) I will not and can not allow this to happen!
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[ He grabs a stick from the ground, and runs towards Pagan #1.
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He smashes in the face of Pagan #1, howling like a sick animal.
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As we hear the sound of the stick smashing against Pagan #1's
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face, it's as if the spell has been broken, and animation has
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been breathed back into their limbs. Elysium leaps upon Pagan #2
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and begins rending him to shreds. The drums beat again, now
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louder than ever. Deafeningly loud. The other Pagans being
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running around, trying to help their allies, but failing. ]
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[ Johnny and Elysium kill their victims and attack other Pagans,
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eventually slaughtering all the unholy worshipers. The drums
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sound and intensity increases, over, and over, and over again
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with each new death. When finally, nothing is left but the
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slaughtered corpses and the sounds of drums. ]
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Johnny: (screaming) WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE DRUMS?
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[ Johnny runs into the Tower and repeats: ]
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Johnny: (screaming) WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK ARE THOSE DRUMS?
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[ From within the tower a scream of pain. The drums cease.
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While this happens, Elysium runs around gathering all the
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dread manuscripts and throws them all into the fire. ]
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Elysium: No more.
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Johnny: (yelling, echoing throughout the Tower and Tor) Finally, peace.
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[ Johnny comes out of the Tower, and goes over to Elysium, who has
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since fallen to the ground, and is rolling around in the
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coagulate gore and tears of her own making. ]
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Johnny: It's over.
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Elysium: I guess.
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Johnny: Let's go home.
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Elysium: Home? How far home?
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Johnny: All the way to America.
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Elysium: I'm starting to come down. Christ, I have a headache,
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Johnny-boy.
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[ They exit stage right. ]
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!!========================================================================!!
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!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #475, WRITTEN BY: AIDS - 2/3/99 !!
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