63 lines
3.9 KiB
Plaintext
63 lines
3.9 KiB
Plaintext
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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #469 !!
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#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Dwelling On It" !!
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##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Tasha !!
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..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 1/27/99 !!
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!!========================================================================!!
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And maybe someday I'll stop grasping shreds of myself from month
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to month, because we all know in that changing day, which is the 30th or
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31st, or 28th, or 29th, depending on the year, all I have left to grasp
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are shreds. Because I change from month to month, and dwell on different
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things, but then again, maybe my surroundings change and I have to dwell
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on something different to avoid people telling me I live in the past.
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But the past seems like such a better thing to live in, because the past
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can't hurt you anymore. And the present hurts you, and the future has
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you anticipating being hurt, but all the past has is the ability to
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force-feed you memories of being hurt, and those are just dull, aching
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throbs when remembered. And last month I was hated, this month I'm
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lonely, and next month I could be fulfilled, but I have no clue. Because
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next month is December, and it comes with Christmas and the end of the
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year, and it's more of a new beginning than every month is. But shouldn't
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January be the new beginning? Or maybe the new beginning should be near
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the middle of November, my birthday. But my birthday is really more
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toward the end of November, depending on how you look at it. I guess
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you could be considered a pessimist or an optimist in that sense, but it's
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just days. November holds no glasses which can be half full or half empty.
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November just holds me, and sometimes I feel completely empty, or
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so full that not everything will fit anymore. And both are like the same
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inadequate feeling that you're either not good enough to hold anything or
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not good enough to hold everything, and I don't know which I'd rather be.
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All I know is that I would rather just be without having to decide what I
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am going to be. To just be, and float through life without having this
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need to analyze all and dissect everything until it holds no more meaning
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than a piece of grass. A piece of grass after I've already analyzed it
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blowing in the wind and dying, of course.
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I don't know why I am writing this, other than it seemed to be more
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logical than just thinking it. And I know that when I'm done I won't be
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happy with it, and I wouldn't be happy with just a thought. Because I'm
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not happy with anything, and I'm not sure if that classifies me as a
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perfectionist. I always thought perfectionists were neat, and I'm not,
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but there I go again not allowing myself to just be. And no one else
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seems to be allowing me to just be, so a normal person would figure that
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was up to me, and even I can't do it.
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And I'm not quite sure what brought all this on except that I fell
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in love for a night. Last night. And I don't know if it was just for
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last night, or if I am going to be dwelling in that love for the next
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month. And it felt so good, I'm hoping I could, but I know things always
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have that bad side, so maybe I don't want to dwell in it. Either way, I'm
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going to dwell in something...and I guess that's better knowing that I
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have the ability to dwell, even though dwelling isn't such a great thing
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to do on a regular basis. But I guess I'm taking this whole thing for
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granted.
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!!========================================================================!!
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!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #469, WRITTEN BY: TASHA - 1/27/99 !!
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