121 lines
6.5 KiB
Plaintext
121 lines
6.5 KiB
Plaintext
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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #458 !!
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#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Drunken Nice Guy Misogyny" !!
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##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Rantaslin & Teerts !!
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..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 1/21/99 !!
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!!========================================================================!!
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So, we went through just about half a case of Yuengling Black and
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Tan before this was done. keep in mind, we're light-weights who cannot
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really hold our allkeyholl... also, your drunken demeanor will invariably
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change depending on those around you at the time.
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Blah, and so I sit nice and toasty here nice and semi-toasty and
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dehydrated, writing my second hoe article. And trying to think exactly
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what I, should be writing about, since I'm sitting here in Teerts'
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bedroom with a case of b&t at my feet, and Teerts sitting to my left
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watching Dune, which I might add, drunk or sober, kicks some mighty good
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ass. That aside, I'm going to try and explain why Teerts and I decided
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to get drunk off our asses, watch movies, and pretty much say 'Fuck you
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all, we're leaving.' It stems from the fact that both of us have been
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pretty much fed up with people in general of late, especially the female
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section of the species. Why? Well, suffice it to say, Teerts and I
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exemplify the 'nice guys...last...' theme.
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Now don't misunderstand, both of use are very modest. Everyday
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we are told 'Oh, you're such a great guy.' or 'I don't know what I'd do
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without you.' -- granted these are seemingly all seemingly very fucked
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up reasons. I'm also very sure that the majority of our female audience
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is somewhat pissed at me right now, but fuck that -- this has been my
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experience, so while I go get some water so I don't keel over, I'll turn
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this over to Teerts.
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hee hee, a co-authored t-file... yeah, i'm sobering up right now
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and that sucks, but mr. yuengling would be mad if I were to get too drunk
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as to not finish the whole case without passing out or falling asleep.
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anyway, yeah, this sucks, neh? the whole 'yeah, but...' or 'if it were
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not for... then we would...' blah, blah, yeah... so it seems to me, in
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this drunken stupor, that those of 'the fairer sex,' (as they're often
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referred to) don't seem to mean what they say they mean as much as they
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should, or rather, their state of meaning what they think they mean is in
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constant flux. (know what i mean? hope you got all that.)
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whereas in comparison, 'the brothas' (here being guys) seem to
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more often than not, when not just out for some action, actually mean
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what they say in a constant manner. might i add, the princess in dune,
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played by virginia madsen, i think, is a real hottie. yeah, anyway
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fuck me, i'm drunk so i'm gonna use it as an excuse for what I say.
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rant and i are pretty much just disgruntled because being a nice
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guy is such a pain in the ass. well, not really, just really trying on
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patience and belief. it must rain on arrakis!@#. okay, must get more
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beer, here is rantaslin again.
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As Teerts guzzles down more B&T, and tries not to think of
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anything and I sober up/rehydrate, we'll try and have some fun, so far
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we've determined that:
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1. Chicks are fucked up.
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2. There's no real reason for it.
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3. We're drunk, or getting there.
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Now on with the show. Movie's over now, and might I add they
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really butchered the book. So now that we know chicks are fucked up and
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there's no reason for it, the question comes up: 'why do we even bother?'
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the answer is simple. Cause we both figure that while now... why are we
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watching Barbarella????... that in the long run... apparently because
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she gets naked... it will pay off in some way. As such we see that we
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have two choices, being the ages that we are, that:
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1. We can become pricks and get chicks now.
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2. We can become queer, get chicks to like us, but never get
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chicks.
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3. We can wait it out and see what happens.
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Can't speak for Teerts, but #3 is for me. So, now that we
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determined that I will wait it out, remaining a nice guy, and getting
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fucked over (not literally) until I'm at least twenty-nine, my contacts
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are drying out. And it goes back to Teerts to wrap it up.
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maaan, i'm not drunk [enough?]. i say this because i have a doubt
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concerning rant's statement about there being no reason for girls'
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fuckedupedness (no, i don't think that's a real word). what possible
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reasons could there be for this? all that i can think of at this
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hazy time is either biological or social in foundation. btw, barbarella
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is one f'd up movie... perpetual motion, gratuitous nudity, angry deadly
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dolls, shag-carpeting, etc... god, i love 60s movies... hrrmph, i should
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have gotten logan's run.
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so, assuming 'the problem' is biologically based ('hormones' as we
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'guys' so often say), it must adversely affect a part of the brain
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where feelings and memory are connected. by the way, rant needs some
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tail. the hormone's effect upon the brain causing memory loss is what
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causes the problem in (sex therapy makes you fly, remember this)
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communication between the sexes.
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see, i'm not saying that the feelings conveyed by girls aren't
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meant, but that the stability of the feeling, in general, isnt that
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sound; the feeling will likely change and or just not be there
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eventually... 'a good many dramatic situations begin with screaming' or
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so the wisdom of barbarella teaches us. the social base of this may lie
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in the semi-traditional female role in society. there is the subtle
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aspect of this role which does involve influence over males. this is
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seen anywhere one looks in today's western society. 'essence of man?!'
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i'll say no more of that because, well, because i'm enough of a fool
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already. plus, i'm drunk, so i don't really know wtf i'm talking about.
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Thus ends our drunken tale, and begins our drunken stupor, both of
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us are nearing that time were looking at any form of light hurts, so we
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bid you adieu, till next time kiddies...
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!!========================================================================!!
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!! (c) !HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #458 WRITTEN BY RANTASLIN & TEERTS, 1/21/99 !!
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