60 lines
3.6 KiB
Plaintext
60 lines
3.6 KiB
Plaintext
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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #405 !!
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#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "My Microwaveable Pillow" !!
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##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Girl from Mars !!
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..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 1/7/99 !!
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!!========================================================================!!
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An ex-boyfriend of mine gave me a gift before I left for college.
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I was none too pleased about this but I accepted anyway, being the good
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sport that I am. The gift was a pillow that you can put in the
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microwave, and it retains heat. It has a brownish beige-ish cotton
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cover, and the inside is this large beanbag-like structure filled with
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rice. One is supposed to put it in one's bed, and it is supposed to
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keep the bed, and the person, warm. As a heat addict, I loved this
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gift. It was a great joy to me every night to put the pillow in the
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microwave for three to four minutes in order to have some heat on me.
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I know i'm a sick sick bastard, but deal with it.
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This pillow has seen me through some rough times, granted. When
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I'm particularly ill-humored and dour, it provides me with the comfort
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that could only otherwise be provided by a hug. The steamingly hot
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pillow has provided relief from minor aches and pains, and has provided
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comfort when I needed it most. That is more than I can say for some
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people I know! My pillow had often served as a substitute for having
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someone lie next to me, and I often enjoyed the fact that my pillow
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never made asinine remarks or was pretentious.
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I have had many adventures and misadventures with my warm
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pillowy companion. My freshman year roommate "hid" a plastic easter egg
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in my pillow. This little secret unknown to me, I put the pillow in
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the microwave as per usual, and ended up burning the crap out of my
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hand with melted plastic. I was none too pleased. I had no choice but
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to bludgeon her with my pillow, it hurts when you're hit with it! After
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she stopped crying and just lay there unconscious, I spat on her and
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said "Don't mess with the microwaveable pillow."
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My actions shocked me, I had never behaved in such a manner
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before. I am usually a peaceful woman, my anger usually manifesting
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itself in words rather than violence. I began to notice changes in my
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temper, and my headaches became more and more frequent. I never thought
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to connect that with the fact that I slept with something that had been
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in the microwave every night. My mood swings continued, and one day I
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noticed a strange growth on myself. It seemed I was growing another
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arm! The radioactivity that emanated from the pillow on a nightly
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basis had spurred the growth of a superfluous arm!
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I'm dealing with this affliction quite admirably, I've not been
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less clumsy though. A third arm is incredibly useful, you would be
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surprised. Imagine being able to hold the door open while you've got
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two arms full of groceries or something like that! My guitar-playing
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skills have greatly improved, I'm doing things that no one else can.
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I also continually enjoy the comforts of my warm microwaveable pillow.
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!!========================================================================!!
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!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #405, WRITTEN BY: GIRL FROM MARS, 1/7/99 !!
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