417 lines
21 KiB
Plaintext
417 lines
21 KiB
Plaintext
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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #385 !!
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#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Macking" !!
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##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Mogel !!
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..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 12/25/98 !!
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!!========================================================================!!
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This file is about getting girls. It's strong enough for a man,
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but intended for a woman. If you are a male, please stop reading this
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file right now. I mean it. Go to the next file.
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Okay, now that there's only women here, I can continue.
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Originally I was going to make this yet another "Mogel-sarcastic-how-to"
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article. That would've been an easy cop-out, but I thought I'd interject
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my own personal feelings on the subject instead. Writing a silly t-file
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is one thing, but the massive number of people that seriously use the
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techniques that I will describe in this file is remarkably high, and
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it's pissing me off to no end.
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I'll get my opinion on the table right now, so that I can
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describe these techniques without constant reiteration. "Macking" -- the
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art of getting girls interested in you (often, but not neccesarily, with
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sex as the only motivation) -- is incredibly lame. Often it requires
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manipulation, cliche, and general stupidity.
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I realize the intention of macking is to get a girl interested
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in you... and certainly there's nothing inherently wrong with starting a
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conversation with someone that you're attracted to. I'm certainly not
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supporting a Christian-like "deny-thyself-pleasure" ethic.
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I hate to sound like Oprah, but honesty is always the best
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policy. In an over-simplified sense, there are 3 basic types of
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relationships that people have:
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1. The One-time Fuck
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2. Short-term Relationship
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3. Long-term Relationship
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Most people fall into #2 or #3, of which "macking" serves an even
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more absurd purpose -- if a girl is getting to know him for more than
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one night, she should appreciate him for who he is, without any tricks
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or sneaky lines. Obviously for #1, it is not necessary to have a great
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deal of insight into the other person's life. Typical conversation for
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this type of interaction will probably be rather superficial and
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pointless... however, I will always hold to my philosophy that being
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honest is most important. If both people involved in relationship #1
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are truly comfortable with the notion of a "one-shot fuck," then fine.
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Nobody gets hurt. However, if a guy is using macking techniques to
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LIE -- for the sole purpose of getting someone into bed and then screw
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them over, they completely suck.
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Of course, guys like this know that they suck. And they don't
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care about the morality involved... if they cared about that, they
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wouldn't do it. This is the very reason I chose to direct this file
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towards embarrassing and exposing these macks. I'll admit that,
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hypothetically, a guy COULD read this text file and use the techniques
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to manipulate even MORE girls, but, uh... THIS IS FOR INFORMATIONAL
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PURPOSES ONLY!
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A great man once said, "it's not what you know, it's who you
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know." That doesn't apply to this text file at all; however, it makes
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it's point: people are superficial. Girls, being people, are no
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exception.
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You know, I really hate to sound so jaded, but the majority of
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girls I've interacted with are basically looking for an "archetype man,"
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whether they consciously realize it or not. The clever macking male
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need only talk to a girl for a few minutes to discover which archetype
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she's looking for and then completely exploit it by acting the
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archetype. Simple, huh? Yes sir, and boy, and does it ever work! The
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following is a list of the most common "macks" I've found.
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My recommendation for guys who are *not* interested in
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manipulation is to never seriously use any of these techniques as
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"macks." They may work, and I realize my point here might not be as
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WaCkY as someone might like, but simply put: when it comes to meeting
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girls, nothing is better or more rewarding than getting to know someone
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simply by being who you are.
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And as for the girls... I *know* that most of you have been a
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sucker for at least a few of these things in your life.
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Anyway, here's the listing:
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The Eye Contact Technique
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=========================
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This is a basic, key ingredient to macking any girl. Actually,
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this technique can be used in many more situations than just macking.
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Whenever someone is speaking, or you are speaking to someone -- maintain
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eye contact with them.
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This might seem very simple and superficial to some guys, but
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for some reason, when someone says something while maintaining eye
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contact, there is a much higher chance that whatever they say will be
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believed, regardless of how sincere it really is.
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The Soul Mate Mack
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==================
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The key to this mack is the guy's quest of finding things he has
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in common with a particular girl. This will be easier for some girls
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than others. The majority of girls are looking for a guy they can
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easily relate to... which is natural. There's two levels to this mack:
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the basic, superficial level, and the Advanced Soul Mate Mack.
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The easiest target for this mack are girls that readily label
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themselves as being obsessive about anything -- or even better, they
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define themselves thoroughly with any one particular subculture or group.
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This can extend into music ("I'm a ska girl! I love ska!"), interests ("I
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love to snow board!"), personalities ("I love being a bitch!"), or even
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all-out social groups ("I am *such* a stoner, dude!"). All that's
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required on the basic level is for him to simply connect himself with
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all the things that the girl loves. This doesn't always work.
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The advanced level of this mack challenges him to remember all
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the things the girl likes (ideally it's more than, like, two) and
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sorting out which are the most important. Obviously, that's not *too*
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hard. One needs only to compile and organize all the information a
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girl gives him about herself, and effectively associate himself with
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the majority of those things. Sometimes this works in the most idiotic
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ways ("YOU LIKE CATS -- I LIKE CATS! WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON!!"),
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but ideally, it will appear as if you two were MEANT TO MEET AND FALL
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IN LOVE!
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Oh, and when in doubt, the guy can simply say "I completely
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agree!" to whatever the girl says, but obviously this technique suffers
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with repeated use.
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The Pick-Up Line Mack
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=====================
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Surprisingly enough, The Pick-Up Line Mack is one of the least
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manipulative macks on this list. It is, however, the most stupid.
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It's also used by thousands of idiots in clubs throughout America and
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the world. Believe it or not, there's actually a "good" way to use a
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pick-up line and a "bad" way to use a pick-up line. The difference
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comes in attitude. Someone giving a bad pick-up line will speak as if
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to say, "I'm very pathetic and I will not be surprised if you shit in
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my mouth." The good way to give a pick-up line, if such a thing were
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ever to exist, would be to act "cute".
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The trick here is for him to pretend that he's smart, and that
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he's using the pick-up in an intentionally sarcastic manner. Thus, by
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going up to someone and saying, "Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?" he is
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actually *making fun* of people who would really say that! Of course,
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at the same time as doing this, he's getting his chance to talk to the
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girl in question and testing the waters for a reaction. He might even
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get a relatively sarcastic "Sure!" out of it. Isn't making fun of
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others for the things you do clever? You bet!
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Of course, if he's using the "cute" style of pick-up lines,
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he is often armed with *several* absurd lines so he doesn't end up
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sounding like a broken record. Here's a list of some of the more
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terrible pick-up lines I've actually heard. Oh, and all of these
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obviously start with the words "Hey baby."
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Line #1: Are those space pants you're wearing? 'Cause your butt is
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outta this world!
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Line #2: That outfit is very becoming on you, and if you wore me, I'd
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be coming on you, too.
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Line #3: You're so hot, you melted the elastic in my underwear.
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Line #4: I've got the F, the C, and the K, now all I need is U!
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(Ironically, this can also be used as an insult.)
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Line #5: The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and
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spread the word.
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Line #6: Is that a mirror in your pocket? 'Cause I can really see
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myself in your pants.
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Line #7: Hi, my name is _________. Remember it, 'cause you'll be
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screaming it later.
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I think this would be a perfect time to remind you that girls
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who *do* talk to guys using one of these lines, regardless of how cute
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they appear to be, are complete idiots. Thanks a lot.
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The Timid Cuteboy Mack
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======================
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Basically, this is playing the role of the innocent, romantic
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guy with limited hope for love. It revolves around the use of the line,
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"But why would a girl like you would fall for a boy like me?" It's
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cheesy, cliche, and transparent as hell (unless the guy has a pretty low
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self-esteem, in which case he probably wouldn't be the best person for
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you to date, quite honestly) -- but for some weird reason, girls who
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hear these sacred words can't help but think, "Wow! This guy must
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really think fondly of me! There is no possibility he is just saying
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that to sleep with me!"
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The Very Stable Mack
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====================
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"I'm happy being single!" is the refrain of this guy. The point
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here is to not scare away the girl by having her think that he's
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looking for a long-term relationship and to show that he's perfectly
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functional, not needy, and happy being alone. Of course, the majority
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of the guys that use this mack are probably the most needy human beings
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on the planet. They probably see the girl's role in his world to be
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one as picking up his dirty socks and giving him a nightly blow job in
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as well as reassuring him *yet again* that she does, in fact, love him
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more than anyone else in the known (and unknown) universe for all time.
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The Fed Up Mack
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===============
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This mack lets the girl think that he's ready to make a new,
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fresh start in the world of dating! He's ready to invest a lot of
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romance into it THIS time! Basically, it focuses on the line, "I'm fed
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up with all the terrible relationships! I'm going all out for the
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perfect romance this time! I can't wait to prove it to someone!"
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The "Boy Am I Wonderful" Mack
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=============================
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A man bragging at length about himself certainly can and does
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work on some girls, but that can also be a big turn off. The safest
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method for him to use, ironically enough, is to talk about how well he
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treated his ex's. By going into detail about the various wonderful
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things he did for her (often financial, if possible), some girls can't
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help but think, "That could be me! My last boyfriend only took me to
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McDonalds! He must have not cared about me!" -- which could certainly
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be true. It would be interesting to note that The Boy Am I Wonderful
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Mack inherently breeds exaggeration and lies, since the guy is interested
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in impressing you (he's trying to mack, remember!). Incidentally, the
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clever user of this technique will *never* refer to his actual *feelings*
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for the girls he's been involved with. This would imply that there
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might be "others" out there in the world he has felt strongly about...
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but even worse, it might imply that he's really not over it yet.
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The Huge Cock Mack
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==================
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This guy brags about his sexual prowess. Of course, it matters
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very little if he's *actually* a good lover or not, because once
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he's managed to convince a horny girl that he is one... and she's having
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sex with him, he's gotten what he wanted anyway. And, incidentally,
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she's gotten what she deserves.
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The "Let's Talk About Sex" Mack
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===============================
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An alternate and more common version of the previous mack, this
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is especially acceptable in the "I'm discovering myself!" college crowd.
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Simply get into an intimate situation with a girl (i.e. alone with her
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in her room), and begin talking about sex. This can be done in an
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innocent way at first, as to not make his plan so obvious. He will
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continue to talk about sex. If both of you end up talking about being
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kinky enough, there's actually a chance that you'll both be so horny
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that you can't resist doing *something*. This is what he's counting on.
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The Sexual Revolution Mack
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==========================
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Ever-ready to exploit, the user of this mack knows how to
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channel his erect penis directly into a girl's confused vagina.
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"Yeah, baby, sex is no big deal, yeah. Free love is for
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intellectuals." They will often expound on the virtue of free love,
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and why society would be better if people *really* could understand
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what it was about.
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The "Do I Know You?" Mack
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=========================
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This is a relatively innocent lie that is used to start talking
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to a girl. If he sees someone that he finds very cute, he simply asks
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them, "Do I know you?" or "You look very familiar for some reason." If
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the girl is at all interested in solving the mystery, they will both
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end up revealing information about themselves and start talking.
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The Tickle Mack
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===============
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Probably over half of the male population in the world has used
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this mostly innocent (but lame) macking technique at some point in
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their lives. It's very simple: tickle them. He gets the opportunity
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to "touch" girls, hiding behind the false pretense that tickling is
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something acceptable for people over the age of 10 to be doing. You'd
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be amazed at how many people really do use this mack consistently.
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But even worse is the slightly less used "Play Fighting Mack",
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in which he either pretends to wrestle with a girl, or the more common
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use of pillow fighting. Yuck.
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The Fatalistic Poetboy Mack
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===========================
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This is similar to The Soul Mate Mack, except the guy will place
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more emphasis on the mysterious "synchronisity" of your lives. The words
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"it was meant to be!" ever-ready to trickle off his tongue, he'll often
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make absurd poetic metaphors about you and him.
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An example: "That purple flair is obviously a representation of
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the turbulent passionate undercurrents swirling amidst the straight
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lines, beacons of austerity in nineteenth-century marriage."
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WHAT?!@ Most girls giggle these guys off, saying, "Hee-hee!
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He makes no sense... he must be a genius!"
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The Pretentious Art Fag Mack
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============================
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I think we all know some of these. The goal of this mack is to
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pretend as if he has some sort of "mysterious special insight" into
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not only many famous men of any given field of art, but the very notion
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of art itself. Here's the gospel on this mack, according to Squinky:
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"What you want to do is find out what poetry the girl likes,
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what artists... and then you start babbling endless shit about them,
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But the key is to actually know what you're talking about. THEN, you
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say something like, 'You know, it's a real shame how a real artist like
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Johnny Rimbaud got adopted by the art fags and made useless.'
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And then you draw a parallel between yourself and the artist --
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as a TRUE REVOLUTIONARY -- someone who combines ART with ACTION. The
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real key to this is reading all the poets. because you can't fucking
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babble shit about poets you don't know."
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The "Pity Me Please" Mack
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=========================
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This mack is pretty simple, and only works occasionally.
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Basically, it consists of a guy rattling on about what a terrible life
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he's had... but *especially* in regards to relationships. As if to
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silently scream "PITY ME, PLEASE," the user of this mack intends to make
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a girl feel as if she has the very special chance to be the very first
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"quality girlfriend" he's ever had! He'll be so lucky!
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This mack only works if he is lying about it, though. Guys
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who genuinely deserve pity never have the macking skills to get any.
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The Murmur Mystery Mack
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=======================
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Named after the beloved creator of this mack, we're not even
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completely sure why or how it works -- however, it is ABSURDLY easy to
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emulate. He simply needs to act incredibly detached in the majority
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of social situations, only interjecting "random and wacky" comments.
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Sometimes these comments will extend into actions, and he'll find
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himself required to leap into a mound of bird shit and feathers... just
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so people will say "Isn't he weird and wacky?!"
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I know it sounds like this wouldn't work, but for some mysterious
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reason, it does. Some speculate that the detached nature and randomness
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serve as a "enigma." Girls are forced to ask, "is he really this
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retarded ALL THE TIME? There must be more to him than just this!" and
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proceed to discover that, in fact, there is not. But he gets some
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action in the meantime.
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The Antisocial Computerboy Mack
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===============================
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I'll admit that even I've used this mack, much to my shame.
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Since e-mail can be easier at times than dealing with someone
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face-to-face (especially in regards to macking, expressing feelings,
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etc.), the Antisocial Computerboy can often write long, emotional
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letters to the girl in question -- often ones which force some sort of
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reaction out of her.
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E-mailing people can certainly also be used as a means to get to
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know someone better who we don't normally see in real life, but in the
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case of macking, it's unfortunately used more often as a security
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blanket because the guy is actually too much of a wimp to deal with
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real life.
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Macking Girls with Boyfriends
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=============================
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Macking a girl with a boyfriend is pretty simple. They talk shit
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about him. I know that sounds mean and cruel, but there's really no
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other effective way to do it. This granted, the more clever guy who
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macks girls with boyfriends often does this in more "subtle" ways.
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Often after talking with a girl, he will ask "innocent" questions
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regarding their relationship... including what they do, how they act,
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and so on.
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It's inevidable that the girl will leak information regarding
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things she doesn't like about her significant other. This information,
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of course, is solid gold for the macker. He will begin making constant
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(subtle or obvious) reference to these little "defects" in the
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relationship, talking about how, if he were in that situation, he would
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never do that.
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Macking Crazy Girls
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===================
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Macking the infamous "crazy girl" is quite similar to all the
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macks above, but can be more accurately described as The "Find Out The
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Girl's Particular Psychological Disorder and Fill The Role She Thinks
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Will Actually Help Her" Mack. This is going to take some practice, and
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generally the guys that use it are either incredibly hard up for dates
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or incredibly fucked up themselves. The most dangerous part of this
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mack, however, is that if he does a good job with it, the girl will
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REALLY BELIEVE HE IS THAT PERSON. Because they're CRAZY.
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However, the most effective mack I have seen for Crazy Girls is
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the ever-ironic Misogyny Mack. A guy need only insult the girl a lot.
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This inherently would sound like great fun to some guys; but wait,
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there's more! As long as he continues to blatantly insult this girl for
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no clear, personal reason... nine out of ten girls will continue to talk
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to him! And quite often, it's not because they're trying to ignore him;
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it's because they want to win him over!
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I know, I know. It sounds impossible, right? It's true. Once a
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Crazy Girl finds out that a guy is "an asshole", she will try to get
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into a relationship with him. The Crazy Girl always wants to be
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'the one' to save him -- and if she does get into a relationship with
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him, she will feel special because she is the one girl out of all girls
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in the world that he hates... who he likes!
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Ahh, irony. You mock us so.
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!!========================================================================!!
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!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #385 - WRITTEN BY: Mogel - 12/25/98 !!
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