64 lines
3.1 KiB
Plaintext
64 lines
3.1 KiB
Plaintext
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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #370 !!
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#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: BRINGING YOU THE MOST ORIGINAL MATERIAL! !!
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##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Gerbil Feed Bomb" !!
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##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Swamp Ratte' !!
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..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 12/22/98 !!
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!!========================================================================!!
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Grudge against society? Seeking mass destruction & bloodshed?
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Look no further... Follow these simple directions for nihilism
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absolute...
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1. Get some Gerbil Feed, or some other type of small rodent food,
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available at most any pet store.
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2. Mash up the food pellets into a fine powder (about the consistancy of
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beach sand). The best way to do this is to put the pellets in a bag,
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and then beat the hell out of those bitches (pretend like they're
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Nancy Reagan for more fun!) with a hammer. If you live near a major
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highway, you can just scatter them around, and then come by later
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with a shovel.
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3. Put this powder into a jar (Jiff Peanut Butter jars work best, but
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Peter Pan will do just fine). Get some model glue, the kind in
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tubes, and squirt out a bunch of it into your hand. Spread it out
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evenly over all your fingers, and then stick your hands into the jar.
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Move your hands around a lot in the jar so that the glue is well
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mixed with the powder. Go into a spasm, this should shake all the
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glue off your hands.
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4. Fill the rest of the jar up with gasoline(available at most any gas
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station.)
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5. Put a long fuse into it. If you're brave (and a bit stupid), you can
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just drop a match into it.
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6. Light the fuse if you put one in. If you dropped a match into it,
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then go to the nearest phone, dial "911" and tell the nice people
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that you have a large number of glass shards embedded in your lower
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body. An ambulance should be there soon.
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7. If you do not have glass shards in your body yet, just run VERY,
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VERY fast, scream "incoming!" at the top of your lungs, and then
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"hit the dirt!" This should attract all the neighbor's attention,
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so they too will get to witness this spectacular event.
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8. There! You've done it! When the police car comes to your house,
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tell the nice police officers that a K.G.B. agent leaped out of a
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tree, and threw a hand grenade at you. Of course they will be kind
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and understanding being their job to "protect and serve." The
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police are your friends!
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9. Repeat for everything you want to slice, dice, chop, or mutilate.
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Or just plain destroy, it doesn't really matter.
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Be sure to have a spare change of clothes handy...
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!!========================================================================!!
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!! (c) !ALL RIGHTS WORTH SHIT! #370 - WRITTEN BY: SWAMP RATTE' - 12/22/98 !!
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