94 lines
5.1 KiB
Plaintext
94 lines
5.1 KiB
Plaintext
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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #350 !!
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#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "The Origin of Euphoria" !!
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##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> AnonGirl !!
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..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 12/16/98 !!
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!!========================================================================!!
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"Mom!! I saw the Easter Bunny come and leave our baskets for us
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last night!"
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"Sure you did, honey, sure you did."
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"No I swear! He was there!"
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"I know, dear."
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Fact is, the kid really DID see the Easter Bunny last night.
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Many people have called me insane for the theory I'm about to
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present, but fuck 'em, cause I believe it. Don't worry, it's very okay
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not to believe what I'm going to say, because in "reality", it does sound
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entirely ridiculous. This is really just one of my not-so-intelligent
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conspiracy theories I made up when I was 16, probably stoned out of my
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mind.
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Children are baked.
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You see, when a child is conceived, there's a certain chemical
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mixture that occurs inside the womb. Depending on what food and drink
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the mother consumes, and if she drinks alcohol, does drugs, or smokes
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cigarettes during her pregnancy, the child can be anywhere from slightly
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buzzed to baked off of their asses. If Mom eats strange foods and
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ingests a lot of caffeine, the kid'll be 'kinda feelin it' until age 9
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or 10. However, if Mom is a former wild child and takes in all sorts of
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booze and cigarettes, the kid will be tripping hard until they're about
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11 or 12. That's why some kids tend to be more creative and imaginative
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than others. The kids who lose their buzz by 9 or 10 also lose a good
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percentage of their imagination. If Mom was a druggie while pregnant,
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it's a high chance she'll have a Ritalin kid, which are the kids who are
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so completely wrecked that they can't even control themselves; they
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can't grip reality. They're pretty much screwed until 13 or 14.
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"Daddy! There's a monster under my bed! It's going to eat me!"
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"Har, har, son! What a wild imagination you've got!"
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"NO DAD SERIOUSLY!#!@! IT'S GONNA GET ME! HE'S REAL!!"
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The dialogue above is a prime example of the oh-so-common
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"Bad Trip". Everyone has them, you can't avoid them, not now, and not
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then. The terrifying feelings of paranoia sink in very well, especially
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when you're high and alone in a dark place. I've bad tripped several
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times during classroom video or slide show presentations. But as soon
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as I made it to the hallway, I'd be fine, just as the kid who's afraid
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of the monster coming to get him from under his bed is okay once the
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light is turned on.
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Most people wish they could return to their childhoods. Really,
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if we weren't all baked back then, would we really have bought the idea
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of a jolly fat man in a red suit sliding down our chimneys (even if
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some of us lived in apartments) and leaving us all these awesome toys
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under a pine tree covered in *cOoL sPaRkLy ThInGs* and shiney balls??
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Or some old lady coming in who collects TEETH from under our pillows?
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Or a gigantic bunny (which, to me, is terrifying) hiding baskets of
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chocolate eggs and other candies in our homes? And what about that
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whole thing about this God guy up in the sky who created everything and
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lives in the clouds?? What's up with THAT?!
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I respect religion though, don't get me wrong.
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Naturally, one's first thought when their buzz is slowly coming
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down, is 'I need to get more!!'. So, when the buzz starts coming down,
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we bring it up again by manually filling the emptying holes in our souls
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with "illegal narcotics" so we can try and go back to our childhoods
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once again. Unfortunately, with the invention of science, came madmen
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(they've always been around, but for some odd reason a hell of a lot of
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them tend to steer towards science.. trust me..). These madmen kept on
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asking 'What if?' and would increase the dosages and types of drugs
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around, leaving them addictive, extremely hallucogenic, and even harmful.
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But that's not the reason why all of these Partnerships and cops are
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pushing for a Drug-Free America, no, no. Considering the governments
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don't want the free world to be HAPPY, they must rid the world of these
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"harmful drugs", to ensure public misery.
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Canadian cigarette packs (which provide AWESOME filter
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cardboard), Pixie Sticks and Alice in Wonderland were made for a reason!
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Okay, so I'm crazy. Shoot me.
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The next time you're wondering why your childhood memories have
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become "hazy", think about it. :)
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!!========================================================================!!
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!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #350 - WRITTEN BY: ANONGIRL - 12/16/98 !!
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