textfiles/magazines/HOE/hoe-0335.txt

 '##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
  ##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
  ##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #335 !!
  #########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS!  !!
  ##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
  ##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "IRC Must Die"                           !!
  ##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Ashtray Heart                      !!
 ..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 12/11/98                                 !!
 !!========================================================================!!

        If Thomas Pynchon was judged by his IRC behavior, and that
 behavior alone, he would appear to be a complete moron.  Why is this?
 Because IRC is a moron-making machine.  No matter who you are or how
 intelligent and insightful you are, going on IRC will turn you into a
 complete fucking idiot.  In fact, IRC seems to me to be not only useless
 as a medium of communication, but, in fact, deletorious, as it has the
 tendency to interfere with TRUE communication and erect interpersonal
 barriers where none existed previously.  If you want to start a war
 between any two countries, put all the leaders of both countries on an
 IRC channel together.  I am at a loss to explain how IRC can be at the
 same time so trivial and so utterly harmful at the same time, but I am
 convinced that it is one of the worst innovations of the human race.  I
 only hope to God that IRC never starts being mistaken for or starts
 taking the place of actual human discourse, or the human race is
 inevitably doomed.  I honestly think that for the continued safety of
 the human race all copies of IRC worldwide ought to be deleted, the
 source code destroyed, and just for safety's sake we ought to bomb the
 living shit out of Finland to send them the message that this kind of
 dangerous and antisocial behavior will not be tolerated.

        IRC, folks, is just plain WRONG.

        Admittedly this is a biased generalization, but it seems to me
 that people come to Usenet to find new ways to interact with reality,
 and to IRC to avoid reality.

        Usenet permits sustained development of individual thought as
 well as social bonding, whereas IRC is heavily dependent on typing speed
 and immediacy and thus does not allow for conversation on a level beyond
 the near-non-sequitur level.  The difference between IRC and Usenet is
 like the difference between the comic strip and the comic book.  While
 this does not seem to be complimentary to either on first glance, I
 would remind you that the comic book medium has produced works of genius
 like "Watchmen", "Cerebus", and "Flaming Carrot".  While it is
 permissible for even fairly good comic strips like "Fox Trot" to be
 disposable, and thus it is probably permissible for IRC to be disposable
 too, I do not see that any overall benefit, catharsis, or in-depth
 social interaction is possible within the confines of IRC.  In this
 arena, even the telephone is preferable, for in a medium that hinges on
 immediate impact, the telephone provides greater immediacy, less
 distraction, and the additional benefit of the subtle nuances of the
 human voice.  Let's face it, people: IRC just plain sucks.

        Some of you might object to my vocal objection to IRC.  This does
 not make sense to me.  So I am now supposed to let all sorts of offenses
 against human nature go by uncommented on so as not to offend the
 practitioners?  Should Christians idly stand by and let millions of
 women massacre their unborn children?  In the case of crimes against
 humanity such as IRC and abortion, widespread denunciation is CERTAINLY
 called for.  IRC is a clear and present danger to our society, our
 children, and our future.  Just look at the lamentable excess of idiocy
 among frequent IRC users -- even when given the chance to participate
 in relatively civilized forums such as Usenet, they retain their
 mongoloid illiterate dialect, displaying egregious lapses in grammar,
 capitalization, and spelling, even referring to one person as a
 "trolling lamah".  What kind of a society do we live in where Buddhism
 is given such short shrift that people do not even know that a Buddhist
 holy person is correctly referred to as a "trolling lama"?  A society
 dominated by anti-intellectual and Communist so-called "forums of
 communication" like IRC.

        The radical left-wing nature of the Finns is well known.  Is it
 so far-fetched a conjecture to posit that IRC is directly designed to
 advocate a Communist social system?  No, it is not.  And should this
 Communist society come into being, it will be one along the lines of the
 society so chillingly described in Harlan Ellison's "Harrison Bergeron".
 In short, the ascendancy of IRC is clearly designed to bring about a
 society whose constituents are unilaterally bereft of logic, insight,
 literacy, and all but the crudest wit, a wasteland of indolent
 pornography and recreational Christianity.  It certainly is no
 coincidence that the most active forum for Christianity on the net of
 IRC, as both IRC and Christianity serve to stifle creative thought and
 silence anyone who asks too many uncomfortable questions or who is too
 publicly intelligent for their tastes.  In fact, I would say that the
 "unholy trinity" of modern times- the three greatest threats to the
 human race, each working in its own mold and each complementing each
 other- are fundamentalist Christianity (moral), laissez-faire
 capitalism (economic), and IRC (social).

        Fundamentalist Christianity provides for a dumbed-down dualistic
 moral system in which absolute obedience to self-appointed "authority"
 and their ludicrous so-called "literal" interpretation of an
 idiosyncratic and rambling ancient tome (the same book, ironically
 enough, that PREDICTED THE SUM TOTAL OF ALL THIS CORRUPTION right
 within its pages) is the greatest virtue and deviation from the norm
 leads to eternal torment courtesy of an all-loving "father".  If you
 pay attention to that last bit, you'll notice that the very premise of
 Christianity is absurd and logically impossible on a scale that would
 make Lewis Carroll proud (if not Proudhon).  Quite obviously the "Big
 Lie" theory is employed by these fakers and charlatans, and with a truly
 astonishing degree of success.

        Laissez-Faire capitalism, which you will note takes its name from
 a FRENCH word, a sure sign of sinister intent if ever there was one, for
 after all, when the doomy Lovecraftian European bands such as "Univers
 Zero" and "Art Zoyd" spelled out their unrelentingly bleak visions of
 apocalypse and serenades for the burning cities, what language did
 they use?  That's right, French.  We cannot equivocate on this point:
 French is just plain evil.  And French certainly lives up to its
 reputation in the case of laissez-faire capitalism.  This so-called
 "free-market" system is frankly a recipe for corporate totalitarianism
 as practiced by avowed Christians such as Wayne Huizenga, mastermind
 behind the wildly successful video store chain "Blockbuster".  You will
 notice that his so-called "Christian" ethics most certainly do not
 preclude his crushing of all competitors underneath his monolithic iron
 heel.  By teaching people all over the world to "turn the other cheek",
 and with the associated Christian doctrine of "Social Darwinism", which
 (ironically enough, arising from a stark misinterpretation of a doctrine
 pioneered by a man loathed by Christians at the time of his first
 appearance) states that might makes right, as it is "God's" intent,
 Christianity makes the world safe for corporate hegemony worldwide.

        The missing piece to all this?  IRC, of course.  While the merest
 spark of innovation and wit exists in the human soul, the
 Christian-Capitalist conspiracy lives in constant danger.  IRC makes
 these formerly human qualities no longer a going concern.  By providing
 a Conspiracy-approved (and of course Dobbs-approved as well, but that's
 the mercurial and untrustworthy nature of that Dobbs fellow, as well as
 proving to the world that "Dobbs-approved" truly is a meaningless
 label) mind-numbing substitute for all social interaction of a scope
 even more far-reaching than television (which was, admittedly, damn near
 perfect in that regard, but firstly, did not give the simians in
 question an illusion of free will nearly as broad-ranging as that
 afforded by IRC, and second, did not take into account that nothing is
 more fascinating to a human being than himself.  IRC, by allowing a
 person's every utterance to be broadcast worldwide and praised as
 shining wit by like-minded monkeys, is a great improvement over
 television, which did an excellent job of preparing humans for a
 lifetime of utter passivity, but did not permit the inflated sense of
 self-importance so important in today's modern world nor provide an
 adequate release valve for socially deviant urges naturally occuring in
 every human, in this regard).  IRC allows all independent thought to be
 crushed in a tide of mediocrity, and thus represents the ultimate guided
 triumph of the Herd Instinct.  Who do you think the ultimate IRC ops are?
 Mormons, dammit, that's who!

        So while you callow fools may think you may be at the forefront
 of the electronic vanguard, I would urge you to remember that you are
 actually at the forefront of an unprecedented Satanic conspiracy to
 institute a 1000 year period of utter stasis in human development to
 harvest your GUILT as fodder for an unspeakable race of alien
 predators.  I say to thee, resist this insidious development with all
 your heart, all your mind, all your strength, and all your soul!  The
 cultivation of Inner Belly-Button Self-Discipline and the boycott or
 subversion via Culture Jamming of all totalitarian forms of
 communication is our duty now for the future, and the key not only to
 true enlightenment but real actual sex, not that fake "cyber-sex" stuff
 you guys are stuck with!  Repent and join me now in my clarion call:

        IRC, I SAY THEE NAY!

        I am surprised at the vast opposition such a simple and
 self-evident statement such as the above has raised.  To those who would
 accuse me of "trolling"- Have you ever considered the possibility that
 my intent was to open a dialogue on the subject?  If my argument was
 purely subjective and a matter of taste, then your reaction might stand,
 but my intent is not to inflame, but inform and possibly convince.  I
 don't want to make anybody mad, I'd just like them to rethink their
 positions on an issue that could affect THEIR lives!

        To those who oppose my invocation of Christian values as reliance
 on oppressive values- I could say the same thing about IRC.  In fact,
 religion has served to give hope and meaning to the lives of millions,
 while IRC has just wasted a big old shitload of people's time.  Which is
 the true "opiate of the masses", I ask you?  Your reliance on hackneyed
 Atheistic Communistic dogma is utterly incompatible with Postmodernism
 and the Modern Spirit.  Time to clean the semen stains off your Ayn
 Rand collection.

        To those who accuse me of being a luddite from the Dark Ages-
 You do know that Luddism was a product of the 18th century and thus is
 completely chronologically incompatible with the so-called "dark ages",
 do you not?  Furthermore, are you aware that condemnation of the worst
 nightmares produced by the rampant march of technology does not equate
 to wholesale condemnation of technology in and of itself?  I mean, what
 the hell kind of a luddite would have an EMAIL ADDRESS?

        To those who object to my characterization of the Finnish as
 communists as "racist"- You say that only because Americans as a whole
 are ignorant of the concept of "Volk", the gestalt which drives European
 communities as a whole.  "Finnish Pride" is a very real threat, a threat
 more dangerous even than Flemish separatism!

        To those who believe that IRC is simply a harmless "medium"-
 while it would be foolish to believe IRC to be an autonomous entity,
 your reactionary post-post-modernist implicit rubbishing of McLuhan and
 all he stood for is anathema to common sense.  The means by which we
 interact affect the substance of our interactions, in much the same way
 as the direction of a vector can affect its speed.

        Do you then deny that the demographics to be found on a particular
 communications medium have nothing at all to do with the inherent appeal
 of the medium?  Do sleazy downtown hotels that rent by the hour have no
 role whatsoever in adultery and homosexual trysts?  The facts as they
 stand is that IRC as a medium is fit only for sex preverts, computer
 criminals ("warez doods", in the parlance), and Christians.  Is this
 really the sort of behaviour we wish to encourage?  I think not.  As for
 your telephone analogy, it is direly flawed as the telephone has
 achieved a ubiquitous presence in the modern world, a presence I sorely
 hope IRC never achieves.

        IRC, quite simply, is anathema to successful socialization.
 Whatever successful socialization is, I can assure you that it requires
 far more than creative misspellings of the word "fuck".  Successful
 socialization as I am choosing to define it here is an overtly or
 covertly transcendent experience that allows synchronization of
 individual psyches to the underlying shared components of the
 collective unconsciousness.  IRC, unfortunately, is utterly and
 completely lacking in this subtext unless such a synchronization has
 previously been accomplished via communication through other media.  The
 pidgin dialect of IRC is an insidious variety of "newspeak" that
 systematically strips covert meaning from intended communication leaving
 only a bland and vomitous pablum.  The end result is about as much use
 as a GIF file downloaded in ASCII mode.

        To state my argument in the simplest words possible:

        I will restate my argument in simpler terms.  There is no
 exchange of ideas on IRC.  The medium consists solely of an exchange
 of meaningless shibboleths.

        I'm sorry, I keep using big words there.  Let me try to get to
 the heart of my argument, right here:

        You dumb fucks aren't saying anything.  You're just talking a
 bunch of shit.

 !!========================================================================!!
 !! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS #335, WRITTEN BY: ASHTRAY HEART, 12/11/98 !!