121 lines
4.2 KiB
Plaintext
121 lines
4.2 KiB
Plaintext
|
|
'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
|
|
##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
|
|
##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #322 !!
|
|
#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
|
|
##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
|
|
##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "How to Make Top Ten Lists" !!
|
|
##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Avenger !!
|
|
..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 12/9/98 !!
|
|
!!========================================================================!!
|
|
|
|
woo! how many times has it been in the last month, day, year
|
|
(depending on your level of e'zine addiction) that you have read a
|
|
'leet top ten list, and wanted to make one yourself? well, you're in
|
|
luck, buddy!
|
|
|
|
step 1: 'totally stupid fucking topic choice'
|
|
=============================================
|
|
|
|
find a completely stupid fucking topic. it helps if it
|
|
involves sex, drugs, or small mammals.
|
|
|
|
remember: top ten lists are not supposed to make sense. pick
|
|
a topic that's totally off the wall for guaranteed sucess.
|
|
|
|
examples:
|
|
=========
|
|
|
|
'top ten ways to fuck a hamster'
|
|
|
|
'top ten outregously stupid things to mix with turpentine and eat'
|
|
|
|
'top ten things to do with a clay pot and a lava lamp'
|
|
|
|
'top ten things to not do with alex trebec'
|
|
|
|
step 2: 'another big choice'
|
|
============================
|
|
|
|
forward or backward?
|
|
|
|
advantages:
|
|
===========
|
|
|
|
forwards -> simple. straight-forward. conservative.
|
|
|
|
backward -> suspenseful. elite.
|
|
|
|
woo. backward is the obvious choice.
|
|
|
|
step 3: 'attempt to make it logical'
|
|
====================================
|
|
|
|
guh. we're not little immature sugar-packet-eating little
|
|
fucks, so we need to make this relatively witty. add things to your
|
|
list that are enough to balance out step 1's silliness.
|
|
|
|
these can include thing that actually touch with real life..
|
|
|
|
!!========================================================================!!
|
|
|
|
Are you actually fucking reading this? Are you stoned off
|
|
your small, fascist, stupid, 'zine brain?
|
|
|
|
!!========================================================================!!
|
|
|
|
see: "incredibly stupid metaphors."
|
|
|
|
examples:
|
|
=========
|
|
|
|
'act so stupid you look like a..
|
|
|
|
oh, fuckit. i'll just put in an irc log.
|
|
|
|
<finewine> hmm
|
|
<finewine> someone is a bit shy when it comes to sexuality
|
|
<finewine> :)
|
|
<Enforcer> heh
|
|
<finewine> lemme tell you it's not fun
|
|
<finewine> :)
|
|
<finewine> when you see a doctor for an exam of your genitals
|
|
<finewine> :)
|
|
<Enforcer> :)
|
|
<finewine> it hurts like a bugger
|
|
<finewine> it hurts real bad
|
|
<finewine> very painful
|
|
<finewine> tres painful
|
|
<finewine> don't get me started abotu what the beak did
|
|
<finewine> a plastic beak
|
|
<finewine> and that exam hurt like a bitch
|
|
<finewine> it's comparable to someone shoving a cord up your
|
|
ejaculate opening
|
|
<finewine> the pap exam
|
|
<finewine> or even better
|
|
<finewine> shoving a finger up your butt to exam your gland
|
|
<finewine> it's where they stick a beak like apparatus up your vagina
|
|
<finewine> and open it up a ways and take cells from the cervix
|
|
<finewine> and then the doctor takes it out and sticks her finger up
|
|
there to examine your uterus fallopian tubes and ovaries
|
|
<finewine> good enough description?
|
|
<finewine> it's done to see if you are at risk for cancer
|
|
<finewine> well once the beak stretches you out
|
|
<finewine> it doesn't matter bout the hand size
|
|
<finewine> just be lucky you don't have the beak
|
|
<finewine> it's like terrible
|
|
<finewine> i nearly cried
|
|
<finewine> but i treated myself to a day of shopping after
|
|
<finewine> so it's all good:)
|
|
<Enforcer> why do you bother with a plastic beak, come over here and ill
|
|
use a real ducks beak
|
|
<finewine> i'll pretend i didn't hear that
|
|
<finewine> or see that
|
|
|
|
yay! if that turned you on, well, you're pretty fucking nasty.
|
|
|
|
asshole.
|
|
|
|
!!========================================================================!!
|
|
!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #322 - WRITTEN BY: AVENGER - 12/9/98 !!
|