66 lines
2.7 KiB
Plaintext
66 lines
2.7 KiB
Plaintext
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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #318 !!
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#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Twenty Ways to Deal With Being Dumped" !!
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##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Cyn !!
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..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 12/9/98 !!
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!!========================================================================!!
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1. Say "FUCK" a lot.
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2. Throw your keys on the floor. Accidentally break your key
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chain. Reflect on the fact that your key chain said "LOVE"
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and how this makes the whole thing just like a cheesy movie.
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3. Start smoking again, even though you quit a month ago.
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Feel bad because you're smoking.
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4. Wallow in self pity. Declare your room a Self Pity Safe
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Space. Spend fifteen minutes making an elaborate sign that
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says "Self Pity Safe Space" for your door in crayon. Tell
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everyone about how you're wallowing.
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5. Garner sympathy from your friends.
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6. Talk about how this always happens to you.
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7. Decide that no one will ever love you.
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8. Talk a lot about how no one will ever rilly love you.
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9. Decide you didn't rilly like the person that much, anyway.
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10. Say bitter, rude things about them at every opportunity.
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11. Tell all your friends about how idyllic their lives are
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compared to yours. Harp on this a lot. Act surprized that
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they don't appreciate it.
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12. Talk about how the next person you date is going to be
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better than them. Say things like, "The next person I date
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will live on North Campus! And they'll be much cuter! And
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they will never ever ever say the word issues!"
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13. Talk about how there's no one to date on this campus.
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14. Take the Self Pity Safe Space sign off your door.
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15. Announce loudly that you are over it.
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16. Frequently relapse into bitterness.
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17. Talk about just how over it you are.
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18. Explain how happy you are that they dumped you, because now
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you won't have to deal with them anymore.
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19. Tell everyone it was for the best.
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20. Wallow in self pity some more.
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!!========================================================================!!
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!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #318 - WRITTEN BY: CYN - 12/9/98 !!
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