60 lines
3.1 KiB
Plaintext
60 lines
3.1 KiB
Plaintext
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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #312 !!
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#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Beepers" !!
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##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Mutter !!
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..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 12/6/98 !!
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!!========================================================================!!
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It used to be only drug dealers and doctors carried beepers.
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What a glorious commentary on the evolution of telecommunication
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technology in our society when a plain old loser like me, who has no
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need for a beeper, can actually afford one!@#
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Yeah. Don't ask HOW. Ask HOW MUCH. So, taking this wise advice
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I marched my financially-deprived ass down to the store and bought
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myself the biggest, (cheapest) piece of shit beeper available. Am I
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happy? You betcha.
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"Hey, mutter. Check out my new motorola beeper. It fits on my
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keychain!"
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God damn it. What's the point of that? What's the point of
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having such an obscure little pager that fits nice and snug on your
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body and is UNNOTICEABLE? I want every punk on the street to know I'm
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constantly wired into the global village -- that I couldn't escape it
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if I wanted to. I WANT them to know my ball and chain is attached to
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my pocket and follows me wherever I go. I WANT them to know I have one
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more thing that I NEED to have on me so I don't feel naked. I NEED
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them to know when it goes off. Vibrating alarm?... fuck that. I want a
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goddamn siren on my beeper. I want bells and whistles to go off and
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balloons to fall from the ceiling. I want the voice of God to announce
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from the heavens in his booming, omnipotent voice "MUTTER IS IMPORTANT."
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[I have issues.]
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So now I got a beeper. I'm connected. I'm cool. I'm starting
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to talk in codes...
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"y0, 112. wuz the 411?! I was just chillin' and illin' in 212
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when this punk started fucking around so I opened up a can of 187 on
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his ass. He had to 911. Afterwards we pulled a 420. Hell yeah. There
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was this girl there and she was all like 69 but her boyfriend was there
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and tried to send my ass to 666. Shit!"
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Not only that, but now I have to learn to interpret people's
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weird codes. For instance, today I got beeped with "07734" -- it took
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me about ten minutes to figure out what this meant. Think about it...
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They're also the best for getting out of difficult situations.
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Just think of how many times you would have liked to glance at a beeper
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and said, "Oh. I'd really like to stay, but my beeper just went off
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and I have to go." Sure, you can do it with a box of Good & Plenty but
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the effect just isn't the same...
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!!========================================================================!!
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!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #312 - WRITTEN BY: MUTTER - 12/6/98 !!
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