78 lines
4.3 KiB
Plaintext
78 lines
4.3 KiB
Plaintext
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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #308 !!
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#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Killing People" !!
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##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Nybar !!
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..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 12/6/98 !!
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!!========================================================================!!
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Hmm... since I am too lazy to think up a plot for a story right
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now, and even though the New Yorker said it would accept one of my
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essay's about how children aren't taught to think critically these days
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(often with the only arguement being 'That's just... your OPINION!'
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man... get off the grass son.) Actually, the New Yorker just sent over
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one of their editor's, but he said he would accept it... Um... I just
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made it up, if the New Yorker would accept me, why would I be writing
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*here*?
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Let's see, first of all, let me just say that Mogel and Trilobyte
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are both no talent hacks that get off by insulting my brilliant work.
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It's like... how the antichrist at the beginning of time, when God was
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weak -- he fucking kicked God's ass. And he's the antichrist just for
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that. I mean, it's probably just some soldier that was going Christian
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bashing. Which reminds me, did you ever hear the one about the little
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Christian that could? Too bad, we ate him. Heehehehehhehee. Ahh those
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old jokes. Where was I? Oh yeah, Trilobyte and Mogel are jerks is what
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I'm saying. Now, for the story, this buildup has obviously introduced
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all the plot characters.
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On a Friday afternoon in late May, a 13-year-old boy in one of my
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district's middle schools produced a list of people he wanted to
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"seriously fuck up, aka kill." Several hours later, I stood in my
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basement, holding the list in my left hand and a whip in the right. He
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was too timid, I speculated, to put the fear of anal rape into his
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enemies. He had instead decided to timidly sit back and make a list of
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people he feared. Well, I would soon be one of them. But it's called
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tough love, damnit! He even assured me he would never hurt anyone in
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self defence. He was probably threatening me at the time, because I was
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smacking him with a birch stick, so I just whacked him harder. Then, to
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test if he deserved to live, I asked him about "tulup mania". When he
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answered with a glassy stare, I simply gave the standard punishment of
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whacking him around with a rolled up "Economist". A whacking that would
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surely make sure nothing like Jonestown ever happened again. Then I
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drank some bitter's, and gave a long, hard thought about his hit list.
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And I decided, if someday he could make a living off of it, he was all
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right with me. For then: he would be a capitalist.
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...the screen turns off, and Ross Perot walks in from the wings.
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Ross Perot: "Indeed, this isn't what is happening now. That's why you
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must elect, ME! (president). It's like I always say, umm..."
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<he looks at some cue cards.>
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"A child... is like a cake that you......are baking. Like
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cakes they should be allowed to bake slowly in the warm
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oven, our children too often get the heat turned up and the
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time cut back. On the outside they look finished. Let me
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tell you something..."
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<he squints at the cue cards.>
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"...man to person. He's not. On the inside, he's not. Let
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that child bake! Which kinda reminds me, I left a cake in
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the oven..."
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The Epilogue
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============
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Yeah! And then a fucking anvil fell on his head!#% By the way,
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please note that I wrote this a couple of years ago... oh yeah, I think
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some pothead put a baby in the oven after watching this.
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!!========================================================================!!
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!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #308 - WRITTEN BY: NYBAR - 12/6/98 !!
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