59 lines
3.6 KiB
Plaintext
59 lines
3.6 KiB
Plaintext
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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #302 !!
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#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Christian 'Science'" !!
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##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Ramsey String !!
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..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 12/3/98 !!
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!!========================================================================!!
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At first I was going to turn this into an opportunity to mock a
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lesser writer by directly pilfering an idea from him (HOE #288) -- only
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instead of prodding politicians with sticks and testing chemicals on
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them I was going to do it with prominent Christians. And then I
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realized that it wouldn't really be any funnier than what he tried to
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write. Well, it would be *somewhat* funnier for a number of reasons.
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First of all I am a much better writer, and not so cripplingly ugly.
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Secondly, the topic is just funnier. I mean, let's face it, the mental
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image of Gingrich being poked with a sharp stick isn't *funny* so much
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as it is *scary*. Gingrich is a ferocious animal. Whereas the Reverend
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Pat Robertson is a Christian more than a politician (he "runs" for
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office every now and then but is not a politician in the sense there is
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little danger of him winning) and it is funny to think of prodding him
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with a stick or squirting chemicals in his eyes. Why, if not for his
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dangerously anti-semitic views he would be rather cute and cuddly, and
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it's funny to watch cute, cuddly animals squirm and writhe around.
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But I had this perfectly good title that was a parody of a piece
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I meant to mock, so I thought maybe I would write about actual Christian
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Scientists. Except I have no idea what they believe, except that I
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think they seem to be opposed to giving medecine to sick people
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especially children. Who can make fun of that? Hell, I think it's one
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of the only sensible doctrines I have heard in years. Of course you
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don't give medecine to children--that way you weed out the weak ones who
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will end up cluttering the internet with still more useless homepages
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dedicated to teen angst and porn.
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So then, I was going to write about Christian scientists--you
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know, scientists who happen to be Christian. I know there are some--
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they are the guys and gals who run around saying they have scientific
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evidence that the world is only like 500 years old and that the
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dinosaur fossils were planted by satan to confuse us. Then again,
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honestly, how can I mock Christians for being dogmatic even as
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scientists, when everybody is so fucking dogmatic? Face it--the best
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known Nobel prize winning Harvard lecturing scientist is a dogmatist.
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Hell, we can't even see subatomic particles, but we believe in them
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because they make the universe make sense. Sound like any definitions
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of "religion" you might have read on one of those days you hauled your
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body to school to have it satiated with that dreaded "knowledge"?
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All in all, this was a big waste of my time then, trying to
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find something to write, and I think I'm just going to go prod some
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Christians with sharp sticks in the tradition of zen masters of the
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past--forsaking the written word for the performed action.
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!!========================================================================!!
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!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #302, WRITTEN BY: RAMSEY STRING 12/3/98 !!
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