79 lines
4.6 KiB
Plaintext
79 lines
4.6 KiB
Plaintext
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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #294 !!
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#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "The Basics of Brother Torture" !!
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##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Inner Logic !!
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..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 11/19/98 !!
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!!========================================================================!!
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In this series of articles you will learn the basics of brother
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torture and it's many methods. In this article you will learn the best
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physical torture methods.
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The first thing I would like to discuss is the coercement. This
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is one of the most important things in little brother torture. It goes
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like this.
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The trick is to get your younger brother _REALLY_ mad at you.
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This is easily done through acute mental scrutiny. The scrutiny method
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is like best is the "you smell like a horse" method. What I do is just
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repeat this over and over, eventually driving him insane. This method
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works great while he's talking on the phone. Eventually he will become
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so annoyed that he will strike out blindly at you with a blunt object of
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some sort. Now you can do whatever you want, because you have an alibi,
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the "he hit me first" alibi.
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Another great coercement method is the "push the little daisies"
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method. This is basically the same as the "you smell like a horse"
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method except instead of chanting "you smell like a horse" you pull your
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shirt over your head and run around his room yelling "Push the little
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daisies and make 'em come up" in the most annoying voice you can make.
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He'll find it funny at first, but after about 10 minutes he'll have had
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enough and want to chop your head off. At this point he will assault
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you and then do as you please. The best time to use this method is when
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he has one of his little friends over for a tea-party. The friends will
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think its hilarious and your little bro will eventually scream "IT IS
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NOT FUNNY" at them.
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Now its time for the torture. A great method is the "typewriter"
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this is one of the funniest gags around! First toss your brother on a
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bed. Now sit on his stomach. At this time he'll wonder what the hell
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is going on. The next step is important. Depending on the strength and
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size of your little bro, you must decide on the pressure to use. What
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you do is you pin each of his arms down with each of your knees. Having
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done this you begin to "type your letter". I like to act like I'm
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writing a letter home from camp...what I say usually goes like this,
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"Dear mom" (as I do this I pretend to type on an invisible typewriter on
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his chest) at that I say "oops...i messed up" and pull on his hair acting
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like I'm removing a piece of paper. Then I pull down on his earlobes
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pretending that I'm loading in a new piece. Then I start from the
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beginning. This goes on until I get bored or until he starts crying,
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from the latter a confrontation with my mom will usually ensue.
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The next method I'd like to discuss is the "fish-hook" method.
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This is a quick, efficient, fun method. It is a sneak attack that works
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great in the kitchen. what you do is while your little brother is
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distracted by the fridge, you sneak up behind him and hook one of your
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fingers into his cheek. Now you've got him. You can drag him around and
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make him give you money, candy, or whatever. When he resists, pull hard
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on his cheek, that'll get him really steamed and he'll probably slobber
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all over your hand, so I suggest wearing a rubber glove (this also leaves
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a VERY unpleasant taste in you victims mouth).
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The third and final method I will discuss is the "Milkshaker"
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method, this is the simplest of all methods. The first step is to toss
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your little bro to the ground. Having done this I would now suggest
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invoking the typewriter method as an intro. After the typewriter you
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scissor you legs around his mid-body, lock them, squeeze, and begin to
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shake violently. He will eventually puke, or his chest will cave in.
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Though I doubt the latter will happen, as it has never happened to me.
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Oh, Don't come crying to me when mommy and daddy ground you for
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a year.
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!!========================================================================!!
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!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #297 - WRITTEN BY: INNER LOGIC, 11/19/98 !!
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