89 lines
4.6 KiB
Plaintext
89 lines
4.6 KiB
Plaintext
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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #285 !!
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#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ===========================================
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##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: "Sellin' Smack On Da Street Ain't No !!
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: Treat, Unless Yo' Leet Like Mah !!
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##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: Parakeet!" !!
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..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 11/12/98 by Snaf00 !!
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!!========================================================================!!
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I used to be sad because I have no job and my whole family was
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killed in a drive-by. No more, my friend, no more. Ever since I got my
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parakeet I have been living the high life. You may not understand how
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that is possible; you may be asking yourself "don't parakeets cost
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money?" "HA!", I say, "you only show your ignorance by you last statement
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that you made to me regarding the cost of birds in the United States!"
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My birdie lets me live in luxury. His name is little-b Fl0w and
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he is badest bird ever been up in this bitch! BOyEEEEEE!!! Little-b
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sells crack and he does it well, too. So well, in fact, that I won't
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ever have to work again. Of course, I do have to do some work so that it
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doesn't appear as though I am just staying with him for his money. In
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order to earn my keep he pimps me out on the streets for money.
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To this day I have been nothing but a hoe to little-b so I have
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made my mind up I will be a crack dealer, too!! As I sneak into
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little-b's room I tiptoe across the newspaper trying in vain to avoid
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little-b's doodies and squeak toys that are strewn across the room.
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After finding his secret crack stash hidden in his snuggle-bone, I run
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out of the house and make headway towards little-b's favorite stakes.
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First stop is Murray's Pet Store, I throw on a trench coat to
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cover up the fact that I am still wearing my hot pants and ripped halter
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top (little-b like his boys to wear their work clothes around the house)
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and I head into the store. All the little children here, looking at
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little doggies and kitties is a sure gold mine! I start to stake out the
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joint for a good mark until...
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"YO! BITCH WHERE LITTLE-B AT!?!?!" said a small negro positioned
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behind me.
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"YEAH! WERE HE AT, YOU TWO-BIT HOE!?" all the children shout in
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unison.
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"Tell him to get his punk ass out here, cause I'z gotz his money
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now, I sold my beanie babies for this dough so I'Z BETTER get my crack,
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BITCH!" He slaps my ass. "Now run along and don't come back without my
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rock, babycakes."
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Feeling a little bit annoyed by the wee child I whip out the vile
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of rock and shove it in his eye as he screams and moans in agony. I take
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that as my cue to leave. I run out of the store at top speed with a mob
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of 20 9-year-old crack fiends nipping at my heels, screaming "BITCH! Why
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did you give HIM all the crack!? Some of that was for me, ya know!!!"
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"Ya dumb hoe!" they added.
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As I near the park, I figure that I can rest a little and escape
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those little monsters (everyone knows that crack heads don't have much
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energy, even 9-year-old ones!) As I take a seat on a nearby park-bench
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I accidentally sit on a little boy who promptly removes his covering of
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newspapers, looks me dead in the eyes, and says "bitch, ain't you that
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bitch, who bitches around with that bitch bird little bitch?"
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I nod and he grabs my neck and says, "Ya got my blow, HOE!?"
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To the best of my ability I shake my head an lift my arm, pointing at
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the riled up mob of pet store junkies who are chasing after me. As he
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sees them he drops me and exclaims, "Oh, well, well, if it isn't
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crackhead Johnny and 47 drogues right, right. Why not come over her
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Johnny, SOZ I CAN BUST Y0 SHIT UP!!!"
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A gigantic gang war erupts all around me. Stuffed animals and
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backpacks are scattered across the park grounds garnished by the
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occasional Def Comedy Jam lunchbox. The horror is too great so I begin
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to leave only to see in my way... LITTLE-B FL0W!
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"How many times have I got to tell you baby 'pimping ain't easy'!"
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"HA HA HA HA!" we both laugh. Little-b sits in my hair and we
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stroll into the ghetto sunset.
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---
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The moral of that story is this: only smoke crack in moderation.
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And never NEVER buy it from a bird and his strung out h0e!
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!!========================================================================!!
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!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #285 - WRITTEN BY: SNAF00 - 11/12/98 !!
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