94 lines
5.0 KiB
Plaintext
94 lines
5.0 KiB
Plaintext
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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTACY PRESS RELEASE #277 !!
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#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Drunk at 3AM" !!
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##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Phairgirl !!
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..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 11/9/98 !!
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!!========================================================================!!
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i am sitting here, drunk off my ass, at 3am.
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no particular reason, of course.
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it's been such a fascinating day. i went to work, i came home,
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i went back to work, i came home (again, twice in one day even!) and
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decided... i worked twice in one day. time to get drunk.
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but don't get me wrong here. i'm not going to sit here and say,
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"hey look, i went to work twice today, therefore it's OK for me to get
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drunk!" because... that's not true. and i'm not going to say "hey, it's
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OK for me to drink alone. not everyone who drinks alone is an alcoholic!"
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because... well, most people just don't drink alone unless their primary
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focus of the day is on the sauce. but that's also not the reason why i'm
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not going to say the aforementioned statement.
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for i am not drinking alone; i am drinking... ONLINE.
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i am enjoying my wine coolers with others via ICQ. i am filling
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out senselessy ridiculous surveys over e-mail and sharing my drunken
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state with my friends. and that's what getting drunk is all about, isn't
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it? getting drunk is about having fun with your friends, being able to
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unwind after a long day, and saying really stupid things. and although
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there really is nobody physically here in my livingroom, next to me on my
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computer, listening to Def Leppard's "Hysteria" with me as it runs
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through its fourth time in Repeat mode, i really do feel like i am
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enjoying the company of others and having a rousing good time. drunk off
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my rocker.
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it's happy times like these in which i feel obligated to share all
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my deepest feelings. i suddenly have no problem telling that annoying
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prick Pat to leave me alone and stop hounding me for cybersex, or
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whatever he wants. Pat's just so annoying, it's nice to just tell him to
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go away and not feel guilty whatsoever. ahhh, no see the beauty here: if
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i were sober, i wouldn't have the heart. i'm too nice when i'm sober.
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of course, when i'm drunk, i can't remember EVERYTHING that pisses
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me off, or who does what when. it's all mixed up right now. so i guess
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you'll have to do it for me:
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Why I Hate You
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==============
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dammit, it's (insert your name here) again. didn't you get enough
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(insert unspeakable act here) the last time we talked? dammit. you know,
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i've had it with your (insert shenanigans here); how in the FUCK do you
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think i feel? i don't like being treated like (insert any rotten
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inanimate object here) and i don't have to take it anymore. you know
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what? you are so (insert annoying attribute here) and you piss me right
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off. that's right, you heard me. go ahead and (insert emotional
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expression here). see if i care. you can fuck right off if you are so
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inclined! (insert a few colorful expletives here just for the proper
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drunken effect.) and finally, in summation, to close, i hope you go
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(insert horrid death here). YEAH!!!
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of course, tomorrow morning, i'll wake up slightly hazed and
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feeling rather sad upon remembering the previous night and how i so
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gloriously told all my nearest dearest (annoying) friends to piss off.
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and this, of course, breeds the Morning After letter.
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I'm So Very Sorry
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=================
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(insert name here), oh DUUUUDE i was so drunk last night. i'm
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sorry i called you a/an (insert the name of a desert mammal caked in some
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form of excrement here)... you know, it was a long day at work and i just
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unwound a little too much. i didn't mean to insult your (insert
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everything near and dear to your heart here) and i hope you will forgive
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me. wasn't i just gloriously bombed off my ass though? you have to admit.
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when i said that your (insert parental figure here) liked to (insert vile
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zoophiliac act here), wasn't that just SWEET?? i mean, you have to
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appreciate the beauty in that. oh! remember when i said your (insert
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sensitive body part here) was as big/ugly/bizarre as (insert appropriate
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member of the cast of Full House here), i mean, that was
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fantastic. classic.
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what? they didn't like that? who cares! cuz it's NOT THE NEXT
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MORNING. it's still 3am and i'm still drunk. i'm happy, i'm online, and
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Pat's not going to bother me anymore.
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!!========================================================================!!
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!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #277 - WRITTEN BY: PHAIRGIRL - 11/9/98 !!
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