159 lines
5.7 KiB
Plaintext
159 lines
5.7 KiB
Plaintext
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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTACY PRESS RELEASE #273 !!
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#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "6 Things That Are Always Funny" !!
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##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Mogel !!
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..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 11/6/98 !!
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!!========================================================================!!
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We here at HOE known what it takes to make people laugh. Often
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I've heard the question asked, "Mogel, other e'zines seem to accept
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virtually *anything* submitted to them, but it appears as though HOE has
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some real standards for quality." Truer words have not been spoken.
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With such a challege that HOE writers must undergo when preparing
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an article, I usually recommend that they make their articles consist of
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one of the following topics, because these 6 writing styles are always
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funny at all times. I hope this helps out you "wannabe" HOE writers out
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there!
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Funny Thing #1: Chat Logs
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=========================
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We here at HOE absolutely LOVE your "wacky antics" from AOL chat
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or IRC or ICQ or whatever! It's always worth the read!
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Here's an example!:
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Watch me pretend to be a girl! Heehee!
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*** Fred is now known as Iamagirl!
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<Iamagirl> how r u?
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<Perkybutt> I'm fine.
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<Iamagirl> would you like sum cyber luvin'???
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<Perkybutt> Well, since I'm sitting here in the cybersex channel and I
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really have nothing better to do, sure, but you better not be a
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guy imitating a girl!
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Heehee! I WAS!! Aren't netsex people dumb!? Heehee!
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Funny Thing #2: Top 10 Lists
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============================
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Yes, of all those insightfully witty things that your "friends"
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forward you!! A prime, very witty example would be those David
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Letterman ripoff top ten lists! God, those just crack me up!
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Here's an example!:
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"Top Ten Ways To Annoy People In The Computer Lab"
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10. Finish your paper for class.
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9. Imagine that your mouse once belonged to Kenneth Starr.
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8. Decide what you want to eat for lunch.
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7. Leave when it's time to go to class. When class is over, come back and
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work silently.
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6. Ask the person next to you what time it is. If they tell you what time
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it is, say "Thanks."
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5. Load up Netscape.
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4. If something breaks on your computer, ask the supervisor to fix it.
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Remember to be polite.
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3. Check your e-mail. If you've received any forwarded "joke" mail,
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delete them.
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2. Don't cough.
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1. Play either solitare or minesweeper (whichever is less stressful
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for you).
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Funny Thing #3: TOTALLY SILLY POETRY
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====================================
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Come on, all of us have that witty, jokester poet just waiting
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inside. You could be the next Voltaire!
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Here's an example!:
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"There is Anarchy in the Summerfields"
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by Wolf E. Preston
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The soybeans
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are Socialist Democract
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with each
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growing to a uniform height
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never wanting
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greater height than neighbor plants
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The corn
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a Monarchy,
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tall, proud but thin, fragile;
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standing on dirt
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Wheat is Communist
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using the manifesto wind
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as an excuse
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to wave in unison,
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but only managing an occasional ripple
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Green Beans
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are Democracy
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thinking they can grow
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as long as they want, but
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just getting tangled
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in each other's vines
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Funny Thing #4: South Park References
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=====================================
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You know, I have to say it, no matter how many times I hear
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expressions like "I WANT CHEESY POOFS!", "MR. SHIT THE CHRISTMAS SHIT!",
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and "THEY KILLED KENNY!", I can no longer control myself. My sides begin
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to split and I lose oxygen in my brain.
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Funny Thing #5: Computer jokes
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==============================
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Jokes about Microsoft! Re-written songs with computer buzzwords!
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PUNS! Come on, everyone, let's embrace our computer culture TOGETHER
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with lots of unbridled laughter.
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Here's an example!:
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- "Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?"
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- "Why Bill Gates Sucks A Lot More Than Even AOL!!!"
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- "New Terrible Virus Released: Microsoft!!!"
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- "Apple Smells, written to the tune of Jingle Bells!"
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- % cat: cannot open food
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Funny Thing #6: Overtly Childish Humor
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======================================
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Quite honestly, nothing gets more funny than the excessive use of
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such giggle-magnets as having sex, going to the bathrom, racism, child
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molestation, homosexuality, and farting.
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Here's an example!:
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"Mr. Turd meets Poop-Bowl"
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by DethKiller
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MT: No! Don't eat me Poop-Bowl!
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PB: I can't help it! You're falling right into my mouth! Mmm, do you taste
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good!
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MT: But I don't want to be eaten!
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[Strawberry Shortcake pops out of Poop-Bowl's mouth.]
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SS: I am tasty-sweet! Love me!
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PB: Get back down there, whore!
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MT: Can I love you, Strawberry Shortcake? Join me in mischeivous romantic
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exploration.
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SS: Mmm! Poop-cock!
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PB: NIGGER! FART!
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[Everyone lives happily ever after.]
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!!========================================================================!!
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!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #273 -- WRITTEN BY: MOGEL -- 11/6/98 !!
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