75 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
75 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
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$$$$$$$$$$$
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$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #235
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$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
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$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
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$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
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$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
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$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
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$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
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$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
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$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
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>> "The Last Man On Earth" <<
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by -> Puck
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Once upon a time there was the last man on earth. He had hidden
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under a rock while armageddon happened and god didn't see him so he was the
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last man on earth. "Woah," he said when he realized this. "This is very
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crazy." Next he began thinking of ways to cope. At first, he just broke
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into everybody's houses to see who had left some porn behind on earth.
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After a while this got pretty boring, but not for a long while, about twenty
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years, because it was mostly pretty cool.
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Then he started going crazy and made a friend out of sticks and
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rubber bands. He named his friend "Lemont" after a character from Sanford
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and Son, but Lemont broke after a few minutes and once again our hero was
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friendless.
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"What am I going to do?" he asked. "I am so fucking bored! I'm
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going craaaaazy!" But nobody heard him, because they were either up in
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heaven playing harps and being all happy, or down in hell being burnt by
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fiery things. He decided to wander East for a while, (he still had his
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compass), and after a few more years he hit the ocean. "Damn. Ocean. And
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all the boats were destroyed during Armageddon. Agh." He decided to swim
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for Europe. "I've never seen Europe," he said to nobody in particular.
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He swam for a few hours, but he got very tired. He started sinking,
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and after a while he drowned.
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When his eyes opened again, he found himself standing in front of
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some rusty gates. There was an unmanned sentry station at the gates with a
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dusty book sitting on the table. He thumbed through the pages, and saw
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the title on the binder said "The Book of Life". "Ah," he exclaimed, "I'm
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in heaven! St. Peter must have left his post when Armageddon happened,
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since there would be no more people dying." He tried to open the rusty
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gates, but they were stuck shut. He tried and tried and tried, but he could
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not get them to budge one inch. "HEY!" he yelled. "Let me in, please!!"
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but nobody answered. He sat down and leaned against the gates, and fell
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asleep for a few years.
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He awoke to a strange sound. When he opened his eyes, an arab was
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standing over him saying "mala kaleeky looky bikka bizkalachtad
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mchhhchhchchchchc blisdgalan!"
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"Ah! Armageddon must have missed you too, eh? We can't get in
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Heaven, the doors are stuck." But the Arab didn't understand a word our
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hero said. He just poked at him with his finger and said "mala kaleeky
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looky bikka bizkalachtad mchhhchhchchchchc blisdgalan!"
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"Welp, looks like we're stuck here together for eternity," our hero
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lamented.
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And they were. But you better believe that the crazy Arab and our
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silly hero became fast friends after a few months, and even developed a new
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language that both of them could understand! While everyone else was having
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lots of fun eating and playing in Heaven, our hero and his Arab friend were
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getting into all kinds of silly antics just outside the gate.
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THE END.
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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* (c) HoE publications. HoE #235 -- written by Puck -- 4/18/98 *
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