102 lines
3.4 KiB
Plaintext
102 lines
3.4 KiB
Plaintext
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$$$$$$$$$$$
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$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #209
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$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
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$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
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$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
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$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
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$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
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$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
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$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
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$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
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>> "Boobie the Pig" <<
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by -> Kraftwerk
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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ED: "boobie! you gert down hare! i need joo to pull my plow!!!"
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"BOOBIEEEEE!!!! BOOBIE!!!!! HERE BOOBIE BOOBIE BOOBIE!"
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MA: "Ed, what's all that racket! how am i supposed to knit this sweater for
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the chicken if you're screaming at the top of your lungs like that???"
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ED: "Sorry, ma! I jurst need ol' Boobie to come and pull this here plow!"
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[ Edgar, setting out in search of the elusive Boobie, heads for the
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barn. ]
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ED: "Now Boobie, you come out here right this instant!"
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[ We hear an angry grunt from underneath the trough. ]
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ED: "Boobie, if you don't come out right this instant, you will never get
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your slop again!"
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BOOBIE, THE PIG: grunt grunt, snort snort, grunt!
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ED: "you don't give me no lip, young lady! i don't care if you _do_ think
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you have herpes, you're-a pulling this here plow!
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BOOBIE, THE PIG: gruntttt!! grunt grunt, squealllll!!!
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[ Hearing this vile epitaph, brave ed attempts to pull boobie from
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the barn! ]
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ED: "what in the 9 hells have you been eatin', woman!"
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BOOBIE, THE PIG: squealllllllll#!$#@!$#@!
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ED: "i'm sorry, boobie! you're not fat, honestly!"
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BOOBIE, THE PIG: grunt. squeal grunt grunt.
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ED: "Ok, now Boobie, would you _please_ pull the plow?"
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BOOBIE, THE PIG: grunt.
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ED: "you're the best, boobie!"
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[ tra-la-la, ed proceeds to hitch Boobie to the plow, and sets out
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into the field. ]
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STRANGER: "Hey there, neighbor. that's a nice lookin' pig."
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ED: "awww shucks, sir, it's just ma' pig."
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STRANGER: "Care to sell her?"
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ED: "You want to buy my Boobie?"
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STRANGER: "uh, no. i don't want your boobie."
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ED: "well, then! why'd you ask to buy my pig??"
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STRANGER: "Because I want to buy your pig, not your boobie."
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ED: "What?"
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STRANGER: "do you or do you _not_ want to sell your pig?"
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ED: "no! you can't buy my Boobie!"
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STRANGER: "oh, fuck you! you gay, boy???? huh? I don't want your boobies."
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BOOBIE, THE PIG: SQUEALLLLL$!$#@! GRUNT SQUEALL!$#!@
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[ At this point, our heroine pig becomes enraged, and attacks the
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STRANGER. ]
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[ In a flash, Boobie jumps 5 feet from the ground in line with the
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STRANGER'S face, and proceeds to fart in it! ]
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STRANGER: "EWWWWWWW, A PIG FART! STINKY!!"
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[ BOOBIE, mortally offended, jumps high into the air again, and put's
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her curly cute tail... RIGHT THROUGH HIS EYE! ]
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ED: "Good job, Boobie! now finish that plowin'!"
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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* (c) HoE publications. HoE #209 -- written by Kraftwerk -- 3/13/98 *
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