49 lines
2.4 KiB
Plaintext
49 lines
2.4 KiB
Plaintext
___ ___ ___
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/\ \ /\ \ /\__\ the glorious hogs of entropy
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\:\ \ /::\ \ /:/ _/_ present unto you
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\:\ \ /:/\:\ \ /:/ /\__\ issue #171
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___ /::\ \ /:/ \:\ \ /:/ /:/ _/_
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/\ /:/\:\__\ /:/__/ \:\__\ /:/_/:/ /\__\ >> "The Hanson Scourge" <<
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\:\/:/ \/__/ \:\ \ /:/ / \:\/:/ /:/ / by -> DeusVitae
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\::/__/ \:\ /:/ / \::/_/:/ / n
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\:\ \ o \:\/:/ / \:\/:/ / t oink you, sucker.
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\:\__\ g \::/ / f \::/ / r
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\/__/ s \/__/ \/__/ o p y
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A theory has come to light concerning the growth of Hanson and the
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secret plan to undermine the nation using their music.
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First, Hanson is a modern alternative band comprising of three
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"old-boy" brothers that have extremely high voices and look like women.
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This fits well with the government's latest plan.
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The Government has decided that there are too few people in insane
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asylums and that those institutions are no longer profitable. So, they have
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bought out Hanson to serve their evil purposes.
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Their plan is to add high frequency waves to the Hanson songs in
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order to drive Americans mad. This is not difficult to do, ans Hanson
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already sings at a gender-questioning pitch. The only problem was that
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their songs needed air time...
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The Government, cruel as it is, devised a successful scheme to get
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their songs air time. Reliable sources have proven that the food consumed
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by middle school students all over the nation has been tainted with
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radioactive estrogen, therefore driving all the middle schools who fall prey
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to it into Hanson-loving fits, and so they ask to hear it on the radio.
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And, since the only songs people easily memorize are those they hate,
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everyone knows and sings Hanson.
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Their plan has been successful. The number of people being
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institutionalized has risen 200% over the past few months. Don't let this
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happen to you: I advise you all to immediately submit yourselves to
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anti-Hanson brainwashing and quarantines, so that the wicked Government does
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not defeat us.
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- Sources to remain confidential. Have a good day.
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* (c) HoE publications. HoE #171 -- written by DeusVitae -- 12/30/97 *
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