130 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
130 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
|
|
$$$$$$$$$$$
|
|
$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #163
|
|
$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
|
|
$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
|
|
$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
|
|
$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
|
|
$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
|
|
$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
|
|
$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
|
|
$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
|
|
|
|
>> "The Dead Hippo" <<
|
|
|
|
by -> Kraftwerk
|
|
|
|
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
[ Traveling through the mystical woods, we come across to young men
|
|
arguing over the carcass of a hippopotamus. ]
|
|
|
|
Phil: I was here first!
|
|
|
|
Mike: Hell no!
|
|
|
|
Phil: Then why was I standing here before you even arrived??? Huh????
|
|
|
|
Mike: Because.
|
|
|
|
Phil: Oh, thats a great excuse. Because. Hmph.
|
|
|
|
Mike: It's a big hippo, why don't we just share it?
|
|
|
|
Phil: NO! IT'S MY HIPPO MOTHER FUCKER!
|
|
|
|
Mike: You can at least be civil about it.
|
|
|
|
Phil: Hippo thief!
|
|
|
|
Mike: Why would I try and steal your mother?
|
|
|
|
Phil: I'll kill you mother fucker!
|
|
|
|
Mike: Go ahead and try, you ignorant pus bag.
|
|
|
|
Phil: GRRRR!!!! (pulls a knife out of his pocket)
|
|
|
|
[ At this point Mike quickly pulls a Tri-lithium Alloy Laser out of
|
|
his pocket and vaporizes Phils knife. ]
|
|
|
|
Mike: The tides of turned haven't they, Phil?
|
|
|
|
Phil: (on the ground whimpering) Please don't kill Please don't kill me!
|
|
|
|
Mike: Do you concede the hippo carcass to me?
|
|
|
|
Phil: Yes, yes! I'll do anything, just please don't kill me!
|
|
|
|
Mike: All right then.
|
|
|
|
[ While Mike turns his back to start lifting the hippo so he can take
|
|
it home, Phil pulls yet *another* dagger out of his pocket and throws it at
|
|
Mike, hitting him in the shoulder. ]
|
|
|
|
Mike: You threw a knife at me!
|
|
|
|
Phil: Obviously.
|
|
|
|
Mike: (doubled over from the pain) You're a dead man.
|
|
|
|
Phil: Really?
|
|
|
|
[ Mike then proceeds to whistle, and we hear a commotion from the
|
|
nearby bushes. Suddenly, out springs a gnome! ]
|
|
|
|
Gnome: M-O-O-N, that spells poop.
|
|
|
|
Mike: (smacking his forehead) Oh god, of all the things they could have sent me, I get a retarded Gnome. Get the hell out of here, you retard.
|
|
|
|
[ The Gnome, with a desolate scream, crawls back to the bushes. ]
|
|
|
|
Mike: All right, let's try this again. (Whistle)
|
|
|
|
[ We hear yet another commotion in the bushes, and out pops Jesus. ]
|
|
|
|
Mike: Oh boy, another defect. Back you go, crucifuck.
|
|
|
|
[ Jesus scurries back into the bushes. ]
|
|
|
|
Phil: You sure have some neat friends.
|
|
|
|
Mike: Fuck you, you sarcastic mo-fo.
|
|
|
|
Phil: Oh go to hell, bitch.
|
|
|
|
Mike: What were we fighting over in the first place?
|
|
|
|
Phil: The hippo carcass, dumb ass. (gesturing to the now bare ground)
|
|
|
|
Mike: Gasp! It's gone!
|
|
|
|
Phil: Where'd you put it, thief?
|
|
|
|
Mike: I didn't take it.
|
|
|
|
Suddenly, the retarded Gnome jumps back out of the bushes.
|
|
|
|
Gnome: Never insult a gnome! I have taken your hippo carcass and eaten it!
|
|
|
|
Phil: You fuckhead!@!!#%@!$#@!
|
|
|
|
Gnome: Now you will all die.
|
|
|
|
[ The two young men, sensing their fates, try to run away. All of a
|
|
sudden, the gnome is 200 feet tall! ]
|
|
|
|
GNOME!: YOUU AREEEE DEADDDDDD!@!!!!!
|
|
|
|
[ With a quick movement, GNOME!, lifts his feet and squashes them
|
|
both. ]
|
|
|
|
---
|
|
|
|
The moral of the story: Never argue over a hippo carcass in a
|
|
Mystical Forest when there are any gnomes around, for they are all powerful
|
|
and will take away the hippo carcass and kill you.
|
|
|
|
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #163 -- written by Kraftwerk -- 12/18/97 *
|