89 lines
5.2 KiB
Plaintext
89 lines
5.2 KiB
Plaintext
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$$$$$$$$$$$
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$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #128
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$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
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$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
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$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
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$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
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$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
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$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
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$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
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$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
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>> "The Fun I Had with a Crazy, Old Vietnamese Lady" <<
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by -> Muze
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Listen to this wild story. I have a radio show here at college with
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two other guys. It's a morning talk show called "The Chattershack". Dumb
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name, yes I know, but I didn't make it up, so that makes me happy. Woz and
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Chicago are the guys I do the show with. My radio name......we won't discuss
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that now, that's a whole different story. Ok, so I have this radio show and
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we do crazy shit on it. This is the dumbest tho.
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One night I was out driving around with one of my friends. We drive
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around aimlessly all the time. What else is there to do in Rensselaer?
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drink. But I didn't feel like doing that this night. So my friend, Jason,
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starts talking about spooky stuff that happens around the area. He mentions
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something about a crazy Vietnamese lady that throws things at people as they
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drive by in their cars. Sure they're not minding their own business, you
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have to honk at her to get her to come out of her house, but anyways. After
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Jason mentioned this I got _really_ curious. So I started asking tons and
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tons of questions. I find out all I need to know from Jason and move on to
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other sources. After I get all the info I can, I tell Woz and Chicago about
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it. They thought it was the funniest thing, so Woz gets the brilliant idea
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that he'll send me out one morning to harrass the old lady. And I did, we
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braodcasted it and everything. I even have in on videotape.
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So Woz sends me, Schneider, Michelle and Sam out to this ladies
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house. Mind you, this house isn't easy to find. It took me two nights to
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find it. Let me describe the location. Corn, corn,corn, soybeans, jungle,
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soybeans, corn, corn, corn. The jungle would be Vietnam <the ladies house>.
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It's set back pretty far from the dirt road. It looks like a neat little
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house, what you can see of it. Except there's this little car sitting in the
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frontyard. All the windows and lights are smashed out of it. We're still
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not sure who's car it is, hers, or her victims. Anyway, the house is really
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hard to see from the road, but if you're at the right angle you can see parts
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of it.
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So the four of us truck on out to the middle of nowhere at 7am not
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really expecting much. We drive be the house and honk the horn and blow an
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airhorn and stuff at the house. Nothing. So we turn around and drive back.
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I'm sitting in the passenger seat, so I have a nice view of this ladies
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jungle. I see her. At first I thought it was a broken tree branch. You
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know how the inside of a tree can have that yellowish color......well, it
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wasn't a tree branch. She was out there plain as day. All I can remember
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is the yellow. As soon as I realized it was her I ducked. Sure I had the
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video camera, but I feared for my life. I couldn't just sit there and tape
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it. I screamed as loud as I could, we all did. the cell phone we had was on
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and we were live on the air on the radio. This lady chucked a fucking $8.00
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hammer at us. And hit us hard.......she's got good fucking aim. Schneider
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yells "She broke my fucking window!@#$^". On the air. ouch. fcc. So when
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I look up, there's a fucking _claw_ hammer stuck in the windshield. Had we
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been going any faster the hammer would've shattered the passenger side window
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and knocked me in the face. I have it all on video and audio. I'll have to
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make a .wav file out of it. Funny shit after the fact. I'm still
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traumatized.
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So no one believes us until we show them the video. They all laughed
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at my near death, but then so did I.
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The van we were driving got a flat tire about one mile from this
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ladies house. We thought she was going to come bounding out of a field
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wielding another $8.00 hammer and kill us all. I've got to get the license
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plate number and run it. Must find out who that car belongs to. Crazy bitch
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almost took my life. But then, two nights later, I went back. Not of my own
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choice of course. I wasn't driving. She wasn't out tho, we only drove by
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once. I freaked out. Joel, who was sitting in the backseat with me had my
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head in his lap for about 5 minutes. I think he liked it. but that's it.
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that's my story.
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Except, before we went there the first time, I knew that she throws
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things at people. Hammers, axes, shovels.....she shoots shotguns. Rumor has
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it that she killed someone and got off. Crazy people in Rensselaer. Never
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drink the water.
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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* (c) HoE publications. HoE #128 -- written by Muze -- 11/5/97 *
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