153 lines
7.5 KiB
Plaintext
153 lines
7.5 KiB
Plaintext
______ ______ ______________
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\ / \ / ____ \ ______|
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| |________| | / \ | |____
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| ________ | ( {} ) | _____)
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/~~~~~~~~~~~ | | | | \____/ | |______ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~\
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| |~~~~~~~ / \ / \ / | ~~~~~~~~~| |
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| | |______| |______| /_____________| | |
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| | ...Hogs of Entropy Text Files Present... | |
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| | "The Magical Penis" | |
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| | ...a campy tale made to offend... | |
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| | By: Lucky | |
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\ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ /
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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-[ Chapter One ]-
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It was late, around 1:30am, and The Penis was fed up. He was tired of
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being beaten for no reason and smacked around at his master's will. He was a
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frustrated penis. He decided tonight was the night he was gonna run away.
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Penis got up and wiggled his way out of his master's underwear and went to
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the closet, packed his balls, and left. He had a hard time getting to the
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door quietly. The floor panels made a lot of noise.
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"Well this is it," he thought. "I'm on my own for now. Nobody to tell
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me what to do and when to do it. I'm my own penis now. I'd better grab a
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slice of pizza for the road." As he was walking to the fridge, he stumbled
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over something, it was dark and he didn't know what it was till he heard a
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loud "MEOW!" screech.
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"ACK! It's the cat! What am I gonna do now?!" he shrieked. Then it
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came to him. He shot the cat in the eye with a wad of magical cum. The kind
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that only magical penis's have. He got his pizza, called a cab, and off he
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went into the cold cruel world.
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The penis went into the first bar he saw. He sat down and ordered a
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drink and who wandered in, but those rowdy mexican tequila worms!
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"Oh man, there's gonna be trouble I'd better leave."
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The next morning he found himself under a napkin on a park bench. He
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got so drunk the night before he didn't remember what happened. Then someone
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by the name of Herpes tapped him on his shoulder.
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"Hi, remember me?" she asked. "You fucked me last night. My name is
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Herpes and this is my friend Two-Dollar-Whore."
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"Oh shit I can't believe I fucked a whore and I forgot to pack my
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condoms!" thought the Magical Penis, but he was scared and didn't know what
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to do until he found his VD packet _EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT
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STD'S_. "Ahh, this will clear up in a few days." he concluded.
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The Penis was very hungry by now and thought he'd take himself to get a
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piece of ass. It was cheap and available. He remembered a few friends he'd
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met over the years. Their names were Vagina, Snatch, A-Nasty-Run-in-with-
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-Someone-Named-Sphincter, and Booty. He took a nice leisurely stroll in the
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park when he ran across Snatch.
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"Hey what are you doing here? Nice to see you again," she squealed.
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"I ran away from my master," said The Penis. "Do you have any spare
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ass? I'm kinda hungry."
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"Sure," she said. "I always have a little ass for you." said Snatch.
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Penis feasted and when he was full went on his way in venture of fame and
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fortune.
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-[ Chapter Two ]-
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It was almost a year later and The Penis had done well for himself.
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He'd gotten himself a job working at a condom store. a new girlfriend, and an
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apartment. He was set. Not a care in the world, but yet he wanted more.
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Something of more importance than trying on condoms for horny people. He
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decided today was the day he would set off for new york the big apple and
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find himself a real job. Once again he found himself in the all too familiar
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position of packing his things. He folded his balls neatly in the suitcase.
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He also took his toothbrush, condoms, and a jar of vaseline. He had a car
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now, so didn't need to use a cab or public transportation. He had a long way
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to go - once again in a city he never knew. Dangerous yet intriguing.
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He arrived in New York about half past the cows ass. He was undecided on
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where to go, so he just sat there and fed the birds all day in central park.
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One bird mistook him for a giant worm and tried to eat him, but The Penis
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defended himself with a used condom.
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"Tomorrow is a long day," thought The Penis. "Better hit the sack." So
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he snuggled up in his trojan sleeping back and he drifted asleep.
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He awoke to the sunrise got dressed in his finest sheep skin suit and
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headed for Wall Street. The place where all the action is. This is where he
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belonged and he knew it. For he was going to be THE MOST POWERFUL PENIS IN
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AMERICA!
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Casually, he strolled up to the receptionists office and said "I would
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like to speak with Donald, please."
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"Do you have an appointment?" she asked. The Penis was confused. He
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didn't really know what an appointment was, so he just answered yes. He
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waited about an hour to see Mr. Trump.
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"Mr. Trump will see you now." finally the secretary said.
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"Yes! This is my chance to prove myself and make something of my
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miserable penis life."
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He entered the office and it was very large with leather sofas. Oh, how
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he remembered leather sofas. Waking up on them and having to be pulled off
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cause he was stuck from sweat.
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"Hello, what's your name?" Donald asked. "Why don't you sit down?"
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"Mr. Trump, my name is Penis. I'd rather stand. I'm looking for a job.
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I'm a real hard worker and will work cheap."
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"Hmmm," Donald said. "You're much bigger than the penis I have now.
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How would you like to work for me fucking rich bitches and their snobby
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friends?" Wow! This was just the change The Penis was looking for! Finally
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to be an _important_ penis. To live the good life and never have to worry
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about anything at all!
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"That would be great Mr. Trump, when do I start!?"
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"Well, if you could start now..."
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"Say no more Mr. Trump, I'll get to work right away!" proclaimed The
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Penis. And you know what The first thing Donald Trump did when The Penis
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climbed into his shorts? HE BEAT HIM SENSELESS!
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And so end the tragic tale of The Magical Penis. A life filled with
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sorrow and tragedy. Next time maybe you'll think twice before you beat your
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helpless penis, because if you don't he might just up and leave you dickless
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one night.
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Yeah.
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|=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=|
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| _____ Call Goat Blowers Anonymous for the LATEST HoE! _____ |
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| 6/ ^..^ (215) 750 - 0392 ^..^ \9 |
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| \_____(oo) This Issues Featured Support Board is: (oo)_____/ |
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| WW WW Terminal Frost WW WW |
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| (808) 487 - 6812 |
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| ...the kings of modern goofiness... |
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|=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=|
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Copyright (c) 1995 HoE Publications and Lucky. #88 -> 06/16/95
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All rights Reserved. Did it work?
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