226 lines
12 KiB
Plaintext
226 lines
12 KiB
Plaintext
______ ______ ______________
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\ / \ / ____ \ ______|
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| |________| | / \ | |____
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| ________ | ( {} ) | _____)
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/~~~~~~~~~~~ | | | | \____/ | |______ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~\
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| |~~~~~~~ / \ / \ / | ~~~~~~~~~| |
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| | |______| |______| /_____________| | |
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| | ...Hogs of Entropy Text Files Present... | |
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| | Cockroach Assault | |
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| | (a.k.a. Deep Purple) | |
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| | By: Alex Siegel | |
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\ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ /
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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The demonic cry of the giant cockroaches rattled the morning air,
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shattering utterly the morning stillness of Humbal Village.
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Moments later, Dul leapt from his stone hut, ready to battle the chitinous
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devils and send their greasy souls back to the blasted hell from which they
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issued. He reached towards the sky to stretch his massive frame. His joints
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creaked and popped, still stiff from deep sleep. The muscles moved under his
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skin like a family of enraged pythons. The early morning sun gleamed off of
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his bronze skin. He drew his sword, Black Abyss, and watched the intricate
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play of sunlight across the engraved, polished surface. Many an evil beast
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had met a sticky end under its honed edge. He spun the blade in the air,
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testing his awesome strength against the colossal mass of steel.
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Few could even lift such a ponderous weapon, but in the callused hands of
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Dul, it moved with the lightness of a tiny sewing needle.
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Insipia of the Blue Banshee Clan ran out of the hut that Dul had come from
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only moments before. A hasty morning toilet had left her short tunic askew.
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She leaned up against Dul's body, wrapping her legs and arms around him while
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tears gushed from her eyes. He stood as if rooted to the ground.
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"Oh please don't go," Insipia wailed. She beat her fists against his
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chest. "If you die, my life will be an empty shell. No other man can satisfy
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me, can fill me, as you do."
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His eyes remained locked in the direction of the roaches' cry. Insipia's
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lithe body, which could liquify the heart of any other man, would not
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distract Dul from the brutal chore ahead.
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"I must fight. Without me, those six legged terrors would thrust across
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the land and gorge themselves on the bones of our people. Think not of
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yourself, but of the uncounted others whose lives I will save today."
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"I can think only of you, my darling! The uncounted others count not for
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me."
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She slid down his leg and collapsed in a sobbing heap on the ground. Her
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golden hair flew in all directions as her chest heaved with sodden anguish.
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The only, brief break came when she wiped the mucus from her upper lip.
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"I must go now," Dul said. "Already my blood froths for the coming battle.
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Pray for me, if you must, but fear not. For should I fall today, my soul will
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surely find greater glory still among the gods."
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She collapsed forward onto her face, her grief sapping the last ounce of
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strength from her arms. He caressed her snarled hair one last time, and then
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he ran off.
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His great, thick legs worked like steel pistons as he dashed towards the
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enemy. Already, his sword wove a deadly, whistling pattern of death. He felt
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his heart pound in his chest, while his liver processed glycogen at a
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ferocious rate.
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That eagerness was almost his undoing, as he found himself deep in the
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thick mass of cockroaches before he could stop. They towered over him, his
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head only coming up to the bottom of their abdomens.
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Their heavy, black scales rubbed together and made a ear-splitting clamor.
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Without hesitation, Dul lashed out. Black Abyss moved like a steel wand of
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death, destroying all that it touched. The roaches were unprepared for the
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inhuman cruelty of Dul's attack. They screeched in fear and drew back from
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the whirlwind of doom in their midst. The high-pitched keening hurt Dul's
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sensitive ears, but he ignored the pain. Within moments, white, smelly
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innards had covered a great patch of land.
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Dul slashed and hacked through a score of beasts, but another hundred
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waited. Standing on his tippy toes, he looked out across the valley and saw
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an endless, shifting sea of hard, black bodies.
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For the first time in his life, the mere possibility of failure snatched
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at his soul. It wasn't fear, for he would never suffer that childish emotion,
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but rather a shadow of doubt. He shook off the troubling feeling and
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redoubled his efforts to slay the chitinous horde.
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There was a rhythm to the slaughter. In and out. Up and down. As the
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pattern settled into his muscles, he redoubled the pace again. In and out. Up
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and down.
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He felt a warm, dampness running down his thigh. Without slowing the
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terrifying speed of his sword, he twisted to look. Insipia has wrapped
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herself around his buttocks.
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"I couldn't stand to be apart from you!" she cried. "If you die, than I
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will die with you! Our souls will cleave together for all eternity, so that
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even the gods won't be able to pry them apart!"
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"Have no fear. Our Love could walk through the fires of hell and sneer at
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the foul demons who live there."
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Seizing on the distraction, the deadly roaches pressed forward.
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With strength born of desperation, Dul redoubled his efforts.
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"You must leave now," he said to Insipia. "For I can ill afford your
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hypnotic beauty at this time."
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Her thin body shaking with fear and grief, she stood up and walked towards
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the hut. She moved slowly, as if heading towards the gallows rather than her
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warm, safe home.
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Eager now to see the end of this titanic struggle, Dul redoubled his
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attack against the ocean of hard-shelled doom. The massive bodies fell like
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wheat before the magical threshing machine that was Black Abyss.
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With his free hand, he wiped the white slime from eyes, hands, chest, and
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groin. This was hard, thirsty work indeed.
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Suddenly, Dul heard a crashing noise. An enormous roach, fully twenty
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times more massive than any of the others, came over a hill. It's gleaming
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pincers sliced through everything before it, including the scrambling bodies
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of its fellows. The tiny eyes atop its head glared directly at Dul, the
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pupils glowing with red anger. He had never seen a creature so huge yet so
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full of low cunning. On second thought, the bog dragons of the great southern
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swamp were pretty bad too.
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He squared his hips and steadied himself. When the beast arrived, he and
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Black Abyss would receive it in fine style. The other roaches flowed back so
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that nothing stood between their king and Dul.
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A great hush fell across the land, silencing even the minuscule insects
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that fed on the succulent, green grass of the valley.
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Without warning, Dul felt the warm, moist form of Insipia as she threw
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herself against his back. She wrapped her arms his chest and pushed her
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fingers into the wiry hair between his rock hard pectorals.
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"No!" she breathed. "You'll be smashed like a snail beneath of a frying
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pan!"
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"I can not run. I stand at ground zero of the greatest battle of my life!"
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He inhaled deeply, swelling his huge breast. Her arms popped off like
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overstretched rubber bands. He grimaced in pain, for her fingers had taken a
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not inconsiderable amount of hair with them.
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"My sweet petunia," he said. "Take heart, for your love will carry me
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through this trial. Should I fall, I need merely think of your sweet face and
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I shall rise again. Or perhaps I will think of your feet, for they are
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shapely too. And we dare not forget your breasts. Or your thighs. I'm
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particularly fond of..."
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The cockroach king, roaring to the sky, charged forward. The ground heaved
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and bucked with each gigantic footfall. Dul spun his sword, forming a
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translucent, black zone of death.
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The king's pincers slashed at Dul, but they merely butchered empty air,
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for Dul had vaulted out of the way. He brought Black Abyss down towards the
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center of the demon's hideous skull. A terrible clang rang out as fire
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hardened steel met hell hardened chitin. To the amazement of even the gods
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themselves, the sword failed to pierce the black armor. Instead, it bounced
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off in a cascade of multi-colored sparks. Dul fell back to the ground,
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senseless with disbelief.
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Insipia screeched in anguish, and the shrill note shook him from his
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reverie. He charged forward, dodging between the tree-like legs of the
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monster. The gleaming point of Black Abyss thrust upward, powered by the
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immeasurable strength of Dul's muscles. He was rewarded with a waterfall of
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white, cockroach bowels.
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The torrent continued, gaining strength with each passing second. Overcome
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by raw force of the spew, Dul fell backwards onto the muddy ground. He
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splashed around in the white froth and struggled to regain his footing.
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"Come to me, my lovey-dovey!" Insipia yelled.
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He tried to answer, but his mouth filled with bitter slop instead. Panic
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gripped him by the throat and shook him as a terrier shakes a rat. It was
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fine to die in glorious battle, but it was another thing to drown in
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cockroach crud. People would snicker whenever they spoke his name. He
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redoubled his efforts to escape.
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The king collapsed onto Dul, shaking the trees from the impact of beast
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against dirt. A long moment passed in awful silence. Fearing the worst,
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Insipia screamed towards heaven while a veritable cascade of tears washed
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down her cheeks.
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"Take him not, fickle gods! He is yet too young and too virile to pass
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from this plane. And if he does go, then I'm coming after him!"
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Black Abyss poked out. A geyser of white liquid followed, shooting
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straight into the air from a narrow slit in the round back of the cockroach
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king. The terrible sword slashed and slashed again, redoubling in strength
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with each stroke. Then Dul himself crawled out. His chest heaved as he sucked
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in huge gulps of sweet, life-giving air. He thanked the gods for the
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breath-holding exercises that he practiced every night.
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Drooling with joy, Insipia ran across the back of the great roach. Their
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bodies slammed together, spraying white mush in all directions. Carried
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beyond words by a rip tide of passion, the two lovers locked lips until their
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lungs worked as one.
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The other roaches, grief stricken by the loss of their king, turned away
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from the village. With heavy antenna, they went back to their dark, damp
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crevices. But their twisted minds held only one thought: revenge.
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|=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=|
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| _____ Call Goat Blowers Anonymous for the LATEST HOE! _____ |
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| 6/ ^..^ (215) 750 - 0392 ^..^ \9 |
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| \_____(oo) This Issues Featured Support Board is: (oo)_____/ |
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| WW WW Halo WW WW |
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| (519) 332 - 1548 |
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| ...the kings of modern goofiness... |
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|=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=|
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Copyright (c) 1995 HoE Publications and Alex Siegel. #75 --> 5/1/95
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All rights Reserved. Contact Alex at scimitar@netcom.com.
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