198 lines
12 KiB
Plaintext
198 lines
12 KiB
Plaintext
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\ / \ / ____ \ ______|
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| ________ | ( {} ) | _____)
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/~~~~~~~~~~~ | | | | \____/ | |______ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~\
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| |~~~~~~~ / \ / \ / | ~~~~~~~~~| |
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| | |______| |______| /_____________| | |
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| | Hogs of Entropy Text Files Present... | |
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| | "How be ]<001 Anarkustz" | |
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| | By: Mogel | |
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\ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ /
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Hello, d00dz. This is my first in the line of many parody articles
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that I will be doing for H03. You see, my entire life has been centered
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toward this very moment, where I will write a text file that will fully
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explain the technique of creating and running a T0T41 FUCKIN' 4N4RKEY
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GR0UP (Note: The 'FUCKIN' was added purly for dramatic affect!)
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At this very moment there are ka-zillions of text file groups that
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are floating around... some will prevail, but most will be miserably
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forgotten in the deathlands of the lame....next to Madonna's youth.
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Actually, to have a kewl An-ar-cust group you don't have to worry about the
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hustle-and-bustle about producing texts. Let me explain...
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First let me get one thing totally clear! The point of having a kewl
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aNaRkUsT group is to get famous. There's no other reason behind it...
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although there's the illusion of getting RAD fileZ, the point of it all is
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to get Distro sites all around the country. And the more important thing is
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to get repect in your area c0d3 f0r being Nati0nal. Everyone will think you
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4r3 r3411y ElYT3 and kiss your ass. But the first thing to do is to get
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writers. If you run a BBS, this is an easy task, you just do a massmail
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to every user on the board explaining that they must write for your AnAkuzt
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group or they will be deleted. If you don't run a BBS, you can still use
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this method, just find a really RaD board with /<0deZ. Then send the SysOp
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money only if he will e-mail all the users, and tell them that to write for
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your aNaRkuTZ group or he will delete them. Another method to get writers
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is my favorite. You pick out 3 or 4 userZ that are really RaD and you
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private e-mail them on every board they call every single time you call up.
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Now you have writers.
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The next thing you need is a name. The name is the most important
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part. Don't pick any LAMER names that have words like "Vaginal" or "Cow" or
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"Entropy". You need to have your group say what oyu are about!!!1! If you
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want your group to be RaD, you *MUST* have the wordZ "AnArKuzt", "Phreak",
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"Hacker", "Fuck", and/or "Anarkutz." I have some suggested kewl nameZ:
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UnhG = Underground Narc Hating GuyZ
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PooP = Phreakerz Operating on PhoneZ
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TfA = Total FUCKING AnArK3Y
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TpM = Total phucking moronZ
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KUP = Killer Underground PhreakerZ
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PHART = Phreakerz, HackerZ, and AnarkustZ Really Ticked-off.
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Making "ArtuKulz" is a little tricky. Remember, if you want to be
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kewl them you gotta look rad. I suggest you get professional help. First
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you should contact an ascii artist. Tell them you want really kewl GRAPHIX
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for a header. Since anyone that would actually bare the title "ascii
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artist" obviously has no life, they will be happy to get it done right away.
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The next part is the tricky part. You need to make articles that will
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interest people. Here's the part that many groups run into a snag with:
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everything you learned about AnARKkie iZ from other people and you don't have
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anything original to say! Most LAmeRZ give up thier group there... but,
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never fear, as I love my Entropy childern, I have the most ELITE solution to
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the problem. You know those miscellanious fileZ that are in peopleZ file
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bases about H/P/J....(oh, shit sorry.. I meant H/P/A.. my mistake!)? Well,
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we all know that NOBODY readz those fileZ!! I mean, why the frig would
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someone write something that is not affiled wiff a GROUP!?! All you need to
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do is download something that sounds really rad.... like "C4RDiNG iN TH3 PUSH
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0F TW0 K3Y STR0KZ!" and then just add your RAD new H34D3R and add your name
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to the bottom with a copyright and a warning. Actually the file might
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already have a warning on it for you while will make your 0UTPUt RaD!
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The next part to making your board ELYT3 is to name a Home Base
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board. Then you need DiSTR0 SiT3Z!! You get these by calling LD BBSs that
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you get the numbers of. Make sure that the board you are calling has LOTS
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AND LOTS of WaReZ on it. The reason for this is that WaReZ SysOps will
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not give you a hard time by looking at your text fileZ and will take
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virtually anything to get another affiliation to attach on thier boardZ
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StatZ so he can be just as ELITE aZ y0u. Plus, those sysops for H/P/A boards
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are all snobs anyway.
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Now you got the writerZ, you got the Distr0Z, is there anything else
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that I forgot? Wait, let's do a test to see how ELITE you think you are.
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Go on and guess what you think our RaD group needZ STI11*:
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[ Fill in your guess here: ________________________________
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__________________________________________________________ ]
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No, not "tips on Masterbation" you LAMER!!! It needZ it'Z own NET!!
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All the ELITE groupZ have thier own NETZ. That way you have control over
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all the boardZ by BL4CK-L1STiN' 411 L4M3RZ!!!! TH4T'Z R4D!!
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Well, that concludeZ my guide to making your own ANERKUZT Group!
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Coming soon iZ my most ELITE file EVER.. "How to Hack ALL Bank Computerz!"
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* = Note: i stole the "fill in the ELITE Blank" joke from Tequila
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Willie in CDC #71. Great 'ZiN3! R3411Y 31Y+3!!!1!!
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Now it's time for the GRE33TZZZzzZZZZzZzZZzzzZZzz section. This is
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the part where I grEEEeTTzz lots of people, and maybe 1/100th of
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them you have heard of. I wanted to do GREeeEEYiieEETTttZZzZz for
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everyone that I knew, so they are a little long. I hope you don't
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mind.
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-*=*- GReeeEEeeeEAAAeEEeiiEEeTTZZZzzZZiieEieEZzZzZZZzzZZZZz -=*=-
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Defiant: Still waiting for the "How to rape your mother" t-file!
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The Wizard: Um. Er. Uh. Well. Uh. Ah. Er. Eh. Um. Uh. Er. Well. Um. Uh.
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Flagg: This T-File is dedicated to you.
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Wolverine X: You do ansi. It's time to move on now with your life. Accept it.
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King Blotto: Thank you for teaching me everything you know, dad!!!
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Guff: My penis is BiGGER. So THERE!
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Slater: You taught me all this and I *STOLE* it all and put it in a T-file!!
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Slater's Mom: Give this message to Slater: "HAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHA!!!"
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Shotgun Willie: SHHHH!!!!!
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James Bond: No message to you. I Just wanted to laugh at Slater: "HAHAHAHA!!"
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Phiber Optik: Is that Geraldo's real hair?
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Abigwar: Hey, man... you need /<0deZ s0Z you can call my b04rD!!!
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R4Z0R: YOUARESOELYTEICAN"TSTANDITIMUSTCOVERMYEYESBECAUSEYOURELYTENESSSHINES
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Dark Magic !: Hey, Do you like my "Slater/HAHA!" and "Hair" themes?
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James Dean: You're dead. Sucks to be you. Cool hair, though...
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Emmanuel: You're like, the like, inspiration, for like t-files and stuff.
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jUNGLE jIMMY: You are the "R" in your group. But a genious "R"!!
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Everlast: Go for the humor. Trust me.
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Ascii Express: your like trippy and that is like cool and like yeah.
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Wire Fashion: Parody is like, cool and shit. uhhh huhu huhu huhuh huh.
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Nate: I'm trying not to sound like Butthead.
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Swamp Ratte: I will kill you and take over cDc.
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The President: I will not kill you. (I'm legally bound to say that)
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Denture Boy: Want some? It'll make you feel good! "No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o"
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iNtR0: 3v3RyThiNg y0u d0 iZ r3411Y E1Yt3!1!!!!!1!
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Cyberelf: Sppeeelinz esss coll.
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Zen: You are the slowest, dumbest moron. But you're still k001.
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The entire Internet: The end of something great is near.
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Haywood: Hey, wood - how did you get your name?
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cDc: DAMMiT! I tried to not use your "00" D00d stuff... it just slipped out!
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Mom: You raised a fine son. Gotta light?
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ACiD/iCE: YOUR ANSi LiKE RULEZ & i WANT TO BE A DiSTRO SiTE SO SO BAD!!!!!!!!
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CiA: That really wasn't a sarcastic comment to ACiD and iCE!! i SWEAR!!
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TRiBE: Oh, I forgot to mention that my "i" key sticks every now and then.
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PHRACK: What do you feel about the fall of communism?
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2600: There's nothing I could say that wouldn't sound "lame," so I bow.
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Obscure Images: You're really a good writer. Just wanted to mention it.
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All Bobs: You have the coolest name.
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All Mikes: You have the most common name! ASSHOLE!
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CAFBL: Did you ever notice that your name is like "calf-bell"?..that's neat.
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Casper: The King of Dooms....er, I mean Shrooms. AHH!! *MUST* get it right.
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Mr. Self Destruct: Just say "no."
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Masher: De ja vu.
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The Professor: Life's an eskimo pie....let's take a bite.
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Tequila Willie: You're fucking halarious man...
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Tina Turner: I'm glad I added that 'fucking' to my comment. Makes me kewler.
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Dad: Hi Dad! (variation on "hi mom")
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The Terrorist: Did you ever like Vanilla Ice?!?! Just curious...
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Jeager: Suck my ham.
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Bobert: When you have a chance mention this to Slater: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
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J.F.K.: I know who killed you. It was King Blotto... SHHH!!!!
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Corrosion: Like the way I mixed up all the nobodys with somebodys?
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Bio-HaZard: And I GrEEEttZZzzed people I don't even know! I'm SO RAD!!
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The Guest: COME BACK!!!! COME BACK!!!!! I NEED YOU!!!!!! COME BACK!!!!! ah.
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Socrates: Did you want a yellow or a pink carnation?
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The 'where's the beef' woman: What happened to you?! I *LOVED* you DAMMiT!
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Franken Gibe: You're like a good writer and stuff. Cool.
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Zorro: You have immortailzed the art of Spam Tossing. Good work, chap!
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AWA: You guys write some halarious stuff.
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Jhaixus: Nice to imagine being in an ELITE group like HoE, but you aren't.
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Wynoda Rider: I have had 3 sex dreams about you and I can't even spell you.
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Half-Baked: This greetZzzzZzzzZ is getting really long.
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BGR: Please ignore all this. Remember it's called "PAR-0-DiE"
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Swamp Ratte: DAMMiT! I already greetZzzzZZed you.
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VaS: Honky, Crankers, and other such hobwash.
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Violent Femmes: You guys kick butt. YEAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!@!@
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cRAnK: I'm running out of people to greetZZzzZZ. Oh, I almost forgot: "sex."
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Rann: I'm glad I can publically annouce that you LOVE Nirvana.....<g>
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Bill Gates: You're the anti-christ.
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The guy who made MajorBBS: uhhh huh huhu huhu huhu huhuh uhu uhuhuh uuhhu.
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Charlie: I wonder if he'll read this. I'd have more luck getting Bill Gates.
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Nikkie: I love you. I want you. Phreaker chicks are cool.
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Slater: HAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAH ha.
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FuzZy: I hope you get something done soon<coughcoughurslowasshitcoughcough>.
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Cott Lang: I have nothing to say to you. HAHA!!!
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Jay and Spiff: You guys can program your buttock muscle's off!!
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PeeWee Herman: You changed my life, man...
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Stan Lee: How many people am I capable of being sarcastic too?
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The Kitchen Sink: Did I get everybody?
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|=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=|=-=-=-=|=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=|
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| Mogel-Land.[Home].2157323413 / \ Paranoia Subnormal.2153395831 |
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| Hacker Crackdown..2159451907 | )\._./( | Stellar Nights.....6108969140 |
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| T.E.K.A.T.........9088132738 | ( (o) ) | |
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| Mary Jane's.......2164616162 | <_U_> | the NEXT generation |
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| /<RaD-/<-/< House.8103480421 | BuUuRP! | of stoopid... |
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| Twisted Reality...6104590598 \ / |
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|=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=|=-=-=-=|=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=|
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Copyright (c) 1994 HoE Publications and Mogel #16 --> 10/28/94
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All Rights are ELITE.
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