textfiles/magazines/HELTERSKELTER/hs3.txt

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|_| |_|elter |___/ kelter 3# (digital)  
(An oasis of filth and danger in a desert of decency)
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Editor's Note:
	Ok. So this is issue 3.  I doubted it would go this far.  
Anyway, as you saw on the cover, we've got a letter from a guy 
in Italy who saw the review of #1 in MRR about fascism, a 
continuation of the 100+ ways to screw your school (we forgot to 
put them in #2, so there's an extra long section), some stuff on 
WMET, a cool AM station, and much, much more.  Anyway, 
notice I always say "we."  This is wrong, as there's only "I," but 
whatever.  Being as it is only "I," I could use some submissions, 
art, etc. from you all.  I don't have too much else to say, so I'll 
just list all the many ways you can get in touch with me if you're 
so inclined:

Mail:
	Helter Skelter c/o Derek Teslik
	3519 Woodbine St.
	Chevy Chase, MD 20815

BBS:
	Omniverse (301)718-0225

Internet:
	derek.teslik@sbaonline.gov
(Yes, .gov!  Running a zine counts as a small business, and you 
get a free mail account through the Small Business Admin.)
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Screw your school!
The Yippies wrote this a while ago, and it has been somewhat 
updated.  This is not for every school, just those you know are 
hellholes.  1-14 were in issue #1.

(15)  Perform citizen's arrests of administrators for destroying 
the minds of youth then telephone the police to come and take the 
criminals into custody.
(This would be an excellent guerrilla theater action.)
(16)  Try political games.  School is 12 years brainwashing 
without trial. Slowdowns, work to rules, strikes, and occupations 
are fun, but don't let leaders or ego trippers speak for you.
(17)  Rip off dishes and silverware from the cafeteria, towels 
from the gym, stencils and paper from the duplicating room, 
layout equipment from the art and drafting departments, tools 
from the wood shop, and light bulbs from the sockets, movie 
projectors, and incubators.  Give them to yourselves or a needy 
movement group.
(18)  During lunch turn on and light all the gas jets in the science 
labs.  Be very careful with this one; try a good mask.
(19)  Demand to see your school records on file because 
everyone else (police, social workers, teachers, etc.) is allowed to 
see them.
(20)  You can make a very effective fuse by inserting a non-filter 
cigarette in a book of matches so that it touches the head of some 
matches and will ignite them when it burns down that far.  Then 
loosely crumple paper around the matches and cigarettes so that 
they are hidden.  Toss it in a wastebasket or any other area with a 
lot of papers, preferably in the office.  It takes about 5 minutes to 
ignite -- by then you can be on the other side of the building.
Practice this at home before trying it.
(21)  Have giant coughing or sneezing epidemics in class or study 
hall. 
(22)  Rub lipstick, glue, Vaseline, or shit onto the doorknobs of 
the school's administrative offices.
(23)  Swallow some snake bite antidote then walk into the 
principal's office. The antidote (most types are harmless -- make 
sure you get that kind) will make you vomit.  Do so all over his 
carpet, desk, clothing, etc. then apologize profusely.
(24)  Pick up some dog training liquid at any pet store -- it smells 
like concentrated piss.  And if you can't figure out what to do 
with that then you shouldn't be reading this.
(25)  Remove contents of teacher's mailboxes.  Print up 
everything that's confidential or interesting.  'Borrow' any special 
notices that may be found sitting on their desks like lists of 
excused people, etc. (as long as you're not on them).
(26)  Leave notes and hints that 'Tuesday's the day.'
(27)  Impersonate parental voices and make irate phone calls to 
the office. 
(28)  Make a super stink bomb out of Hydrogen Sulfide and put 
somewhere in the ventilating system.  This has cleared school 
buildings for days.
(29)  If your school has a suspended ceiling (a ceiling composed 
of rectangles or squares resting on a frame so that the rectangles 
can be pushed up) you can put a dead fish -- or anything else -- 
above them.  Or put it into empty lockers and glue them shut.
(30)  Put signs on your locker saying 'this locker will self-
destruct if opened for inspection.'  You may even decide to make 
a locker bomb for it as described by King Tut.
(31)  Give your school library a subscription to a good 
underground newspaper from your area and insist that they make 
it available to students.
(32)  Print up false notices frequently using the same format as 
the school uses and distribute them to the teachers' mailboxes.  
Eventually they'll never know what to believe.
(33)  If you can get to the school's sprinkler system, change the 
start time so that it will come on about 3 minutes before school 
starts and get everyone wet. Then a bus will have to take them 
home for dry clothes
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The WMET Story

	Imagine, if you will, a radio station.  Nothing big, just a 
little AM joint.  It gives jobs to local kids, cleaning up the 
station, doing shitwork, and Saturday nights the kids get their 
own shows.  They can play what they want -- no commercials 
or anything -- absolute freedom.  Through word of mouth the 
shows enjoy underground success.  Almost makes you want to 
shed a tear, huh?  Equal parts UHF, Waynes World, and 
Pump Up the Volume, this is the WMET Story.  And it's 
100% fact.  The station is WMET 1150 AM, the shows are 
called "Interzone" and "Influx," and they air on Saturday 
nights from 9:30 or 10:00 'till 12:00.  It's a small station, 
and in dc the reception is shoddy (WMET is based in 
Gaithursburg), but it's worth the static.  Never heard Fugazi 
on the radio?  Listen to "Interzone."  Like Ambient techno and 
death threats from crazy girls?  "Influx" is for you.  These 
shows are the shit.  They play stuff that's worth recording 
off the radio, like the Cowboy Junkies' cover of "Sweet 
Jane" by Velvet Underground.  They make obligatory Big 
Mac references.  They gave me a Pink Floyd CD for 
knowing who sang "I Will Survive" (Gloria Gainor).  They 
give shout outs to their pals (as those are usually the only 
people who know about the show).  Anyway, you can call the 
station at (301)921-0093, contact "Interzone" at 13300 
Beall Creek Ct/Potomac, MD 20854, "Influx" through this 
magazine.  Remember, 1150 AM.
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A Report from Italy

Ok, first off I would like to thank the editor of this zine 
very much for giving me the opportunity to write my 
opinions in his publication.  I'm always glad to express 
my thoughts in foreigner zines, especially if they are 
American mags/publications.  Well, as a few of you 
know, the Italian Government changed some months 
ago.  The Right won the government elections.  This is 
not business of mine, 'cuz I've never voted in my entire 
life.  Many American newspapers (New York Times, 
Chicago Tribune, Washington Post...) wrote about this 
event, namely the rebirth of the Facist Party.  Our past 
Facist regime ended 50 years ago (When Benito 
Mussolini was killed) and this is not a facism revival, 
but a sort of new European Right.  Anyway, the right is 
always the Right, the story is always the same.  Right 
now, the most important problem here in Italy is an 
economic problem.  Italy isn't so wonderful as many 
tourists think.  I see a lot of tourists who, when they 
come to visit my hometown of Rome, are extremely 
delighted on everything (Monuments, cuisine, 
climate...) Probably they look at Italy with a tourist's 
eye.  That is absolutely wrong.  New fascists apart, here 
the cost of living is the highest.  On everything there are 
strong taxes (about 50%!).  A few examples:  the 
gasoline costs $4 a gallon, the cigarettes $2.90, the CD's 
$19-$20, a decent flat in a condo $315,000 (not to 
mention the country houses).  Our average yearly wage 
is a little bit more than $10,000 (it's nothing in 
America).  A young graduated guy starts to work for 
$470 a month and after a few years (working 8 hours 
every single day) he gets $820 a month.  Here the 
unemployment is at 13% (In America it is at 6%) and, 
another disgusting thing, here army service is 
compulsory and you serve it for free, in practice.  So, 
this is Italy.  On the contrary in America seems to be 
about 150,000,000 guns handled by private individuals 
[ed:  I don't know where he gets this number, or exactly 
what he is saying], a 50% divorce rate, and the non-
existence of public assistance.  Anyway, the American 
government is Facist too (politics of shit in Central 
America, Capitol Punishment, Watergate, KKK,....).  
OK bros, think on it and lemme know.  You can reach 
me at: LEONARDO DI MAIO, Macedonia 72 - 00179 
ROMA (ITALY).
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Harmless Terror

To all those who do not wish to inflict bodily damage on their victems
but only terror.

These are weapons that should be used from high places.

1) The flour bomb.
   Take a wet paper towel and pour a given amount of baking flour in 
the center. Then wrap it up and put on a rubber band to keep it 
together. When thrown it will fly well but when it hits, it covers the 
victim with the flower or causes a big puff of flour which will put the 
victim in terror since as far as they are concerned, some strange white 
powder is all over them. This is a cheap method of terror and for only 
the cost of a roll of paper towels and a bag of flour you and your 
friends can have loads of fun watching people flee in panic.

2) Smoke bomb projectile.
   All you need is a bunch of those little round smoke bombs and a wrist 
rocket or any sling-shot. Shoot the smoke bombs and watch the terror 
since they think it will blow up!

3) Rotten eggs (good ones)
	take some eggs and get a sharp needle and poke a small hole in 
the top of each one. Then let them sit in a warm place for about a 
week. Then you've got a bunch of rotten eggs that will only smell when 
they hit.

4) Glow in the dark terror.
	Take one of those tubes of glow in the dark stuff and pour the 
stuff on whatever you want to throw and when it gets on the victim, 
they think it's some deadly chemical or a radioactive substance so they 
run in total panic. This works especially well with flower bombs since a 
gummy, glowing substance gets all over the victim.

5) Fizzling panic.
	Take a baggie of a water-baking soda solution and seal it. Make 
sure there is no air in it since the solution will form a gas and you don't 
want it to pop on you.) Then put it in a bigger plastic bag and fill it 
with vinegar and seal it. When thrown, the two substances will mix and 
cause a violently bubbling substance to go all over the victim.
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<ring>
<ring>
<click>

  Hello, you've reached the new world disorder. A broken chaos mixed with
interracial tensions at a congressional hearing. More at eleven robbed at
gunpoint should be banned. Protesting a march held by some radical 
extremist group for some purpose or another and was ridiculed by another 
radical extremist group who doesn't like some policy or another says the 
public relations advisor to the president passed a bill rates will be 
increasing next month. If you do not pay wages have been decreased again 
because of fighting in some foriegn country and we have to intervene in 
these heinous act four in a controversial play that was interrupted for this 
special news bulletin as we take you live to the scene of the crime in action. 
Police report that the suspected of rape, murder, drugs, loitering, and jay-
walking. All rise, the honorable judge, jury, and executioner next on Geraldo 
homosexual, learning disabled, autistically impaired, politically, socially, and 
grammatically incorrect who else knows the answer to global warming and the 
Amazon forests home to the Spotted Owl and endangered to society out on 
parole. Soon to be a made for television movie star scandal such-and-such 
found in bed with such-and-such who broke up with such-and-such posing for 
Playboy held an article dealing with the roles women play in education falling 
behind test scores the winning goal for another over-glorified sports 
superstar scandal still sleeping with such-and-such decay in the innercity 
blocks backed up when a gass main attraction event at your local governors 
race to your nearest convenience store held up again by a masked man with 
a gun control still needed for the safety of this country should not be 
compomised position on national health is dwindling with insufficient 
evidence to convicts escaped from a road jammed by another accident with 
a tractor trailer and sports car beat another sports car in ratings even 
though they came from the same factory layoffs as a result of the recession is 
improving benefits to unemployment rates declining value of the dollars 
stolen from the home security system to deter burglary is up by twenty 
percent risk of heart disease control center in Atlanta issued a report that 
there is no illegal activity needs to be stopped in the innercity pollution 
ordinance to put an end of the line for criminals gaining a college education 
needs more funding supported by taxes raised on gasoline shortage in the 
mid-east tensions building a new bridge across the desert wars waged
against helpless newborn infants killed in a new study released from prison
overcrowding on busses renovated to cleaner air traffic controllers at fault
activity resulting in the earthquake relief funding needed for public health
commision reports presented by another anchorperson charged with sexual
intercourse risks detection by U.S. Custom agents indicted in a 1984 
Orwellian drama department production assistance by-products of additives 
to preserve freshness. Sell by June temperatures reached an all tome high 
in calcium and other nutrients found in contaminated waste recycling program 
to curb spending time with the kids at higher risk of kidney transplants 
performed regular check-ups to maintain the life of your car accident on the 
interstate trade secrets withheld important documents liking the suspect 
asked for special report brought to you by your local man arrested on drug 
abuse in teenagers fall short-circuit caused the malfunction of the heart a 
leading factor in medical research grants loaned at interest rates rising as a 
results of the tournament later in the program. And now another word from 
our sponsor. So if you'll leave your name, home number, work number, fax 
number, data number, internet address, social security number, date of birth, 
maiden name and the number of years you have been unemployed we'll get 
back to you as soon as reports arrive from an agency dedicated to making 
your life hell.
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On Hate/Thought Crimes

	The ideals of Freedom and Liberty are often heralded as 
the foundation of the American system of Government and law.  
Now in an effort to be politically correct, the powers that be are 
chipping away at our most basic right:  the right to free thought.  
Over the summer of 1993, the Supreme Court upheld local 
statutes that allowed stiffer sentences for crimes when there was 
some motivation of prejudice.  This is not only unconstitutional 
but is also an embarrassment to the people of this country and a 
risk to their personal liberty.
	This type of sentencing is like catching flies in a butterfly 
net.  Thoughts can not be caged, and there is no jail in the world 
big enough to contain a man's mind.  Although one can hold a 
body captive, his mind can and will go free.  Just as empty space 
can not catch flies, thoughts and motivations can not hurt a 
person;  it is only physical actions that can do harm.  By 
establishing a set jail time for thinking and/or saying one's 
motive, it is not that big of a jump to punishing thought without 
crime.
	By setting the precedent that thoughts and intent can be 
punished (even if only when linked to another crime), the country 
is walking down a dangerous road.  If one commits a crime 
without having a socially approved motive they are punished 
further.  This kind of sentencing sends the message that if a killer 
calls someone a "jerk" or "bozo" instead of "nigger" or "spic" 
while putting a bullet through their head, the crime is somehow 
less heinous and reprehensible.  If we are going to send any 
message, it should be that all violence is equally painful no 
matter why it is committed.  
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Mo' political stuff:
There is no such thing as a perfect political system, as some men 
will always pervert the ideals of the established government, 
thereby ruining those ideals forever.  Many states have been 
ruined in part by these actions, and the United States is headed 
down this slippery slope.  The Constitution of our country, along 
with the Bill of Rights, was supposed to ensure the rights of the 
people under a constrained state.  Today, it seems, these goals 
have been lost by politicians who, not out of greed or corruption 
but necessity, pander to lobbyists, special interests, and public 
opinion.  They enact laws that can and do financially drain the 
state and place unnecessary constraints on the liberty of the 
people that they were sent to represent, as long as those actions 
could earn him some sort of political support (money, backing, 
pork).  At this point it may be impossible to return to the state of 
politics two hundred years ago, when the value of the Bill of 
Rights was still fresh in the minds of the statesmen, but we can 
head in the right direction.
	I am a Libertarian.  I believe this country was founded on 
noble ideals and goals, but the follow-through of the law-makers 
has been less than superb.  The perfect state would exist merely 
for the purposes of printing money, defending the populace from 
attacks on their person or property from within, i.e., from 
common criminals, and from without, i.e., from foreign invaders, 
and judging disputes between citizens.
	It is interesting that every day more and more laws are 
introduced, with little attention paid by lawmakers to those 
already on the books that are outdated, unconstitutional, or 
impractical.  Many of these laws outlaw what could be termed 
"victimless crimes," crimes which do not attack another citizen's 
person or property.  Loitering, certain sexual acts, explicit arts, 
language, and music (in some situations), and drug use are 
examples of such crimes.  The only frequently enforced laws in 
that group are those concerning drug use.  While drugs are a 
serious problem that always has and always will face society, it 
seems obvious that the laws are wrecking the lives of more 
citizens than the drugs themselves are.  Just as alcohol 
prohibition actually created crime in the form of moonshiners and 
mobsters, drug prohibition has created today's gangs.  The 
number of people killed by these gangs, by bad drugs, and in fact 
by the DEA, far exceeds the number that would have died 
otherwise.  Before prohibition you could still "just say no."  You 
can't say "no" to a random bullet or to gang violence.
	We live in an era of politicians who see their job as a 
public profession and not public service.  As these statesmen 
have to worry about re-election from the day they are sworn in, 
there is little room to vote for their hearts and constituency, but 
only for money and public support.  If each elected office had a 
term of five to ten years, with no option of re-election, these 
people could ignore if not forget special interests and the like.  
This may seem somewhat limited, but statesmen could hold 
different offices, just not the same one more than once.
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Little reviws:

Plebian Times #2 -- Very nicely done zine.  I can't 
really classify it, as it doesn't really have a strict 
focus.  It just prints what it wants to print.  
there's a long interview with some BBS sysop 
who runs NirvanaNet, which was cool, also 
stuff on shoplifting (pro), the air force 
experience, and Bruce Lee. $2ppd. 118 Garden 
St./Sulphur LA, 70663

The Loop! - "A young look at literature, life, and 
music" -- I've got the first two.  This is a nice lit-
zine out of my school.  I won't promise an 
unbiased review, but whatever.  Other than the 
fact that a certain editor was a little too 
absessive about Kurt Cobain, there's nothing I 
don't like.  Good writing, and some funky style 
stuff and computer graphics.  $1 ppd. 
Borderlands-Still Ill Ent./5006 Tliden St NW/ 
Washington, DC 20016

G-Love & Special Sauce @ 9:30 -- Cool as shit 
show.  You gotta love these guys.  The opening 
band, Baked beans, was not that hot.  Still 
worth the $7
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