225 lines
11 KiB
Plaintext
225 lines
11 KiB
Plaintext
Oh my GawD! ***** GwD -- The College Years ***** More from GwaD!
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The GREENY world Domination Task Force, Incorporated
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Brings YOU 5 Brand Spanking New Text Files for 1998!
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(Issues 53-57 of GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime)
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-=< NewGwDsnEWgWdSNewGwDsnEWgWdSNewGwDsnEWgWdSNewGwDsnEWgWdSNewGwDsnEWgWdS >=-
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"Restriction of free thought and free speech is the most dangerous of all
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subversions. It is the one un-American act that could most easily defeat us."
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-Justice William O. Douglas
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gwd53.txt - "CyberSex",
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gwd54.txt - "Stupid Girls" (by Rainne),
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gwd55.txt - "Oompa Loompa Doompa Dee Doo" (by Yancey Slide),
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(with "Press Release Regarding the GwD High Council" <by STM>),
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gwd56.txt - "Enter the Trailer Park Queen" (by TPQ),
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AND....
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gwd57.txt - "PUBLIC ENEMY #1: CIA."
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-*- "Hey, we went underground for a while." -*-
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They said we were dead. They should have been right. Sure, July 1996 was our
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last release. Sure, we didn't do anything we said we would do in "gwd&1996.txt"
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(that's why there's not a "gwd&1997.txt" and there won't be one for 1998,
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either.) Sure, there wasn't even a GwD Catalog until recently, even though it
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was first advertised in GwD50, back in September 1995. (The catalog IS available
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now, though. Send an SASE to the P.O. Box listed at the end of this file for
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your *FREE* copy of GwD Catalog+, as well as free stickers.) Sure, the GwD
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WebSite was the shame of the Web (until recently, when it was drastically
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revamped.) Sure, nobody reads our files anyway. Sure, we took quite a blow
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when over half of our most supportive dr00gs moved away to pursue a "higher
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education" (See below.) But, through the miracles of modern (and
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not-so-modern) technology, as well as the menace of El Nino (which we caused, by
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the way -- see below), we're back with a new look (or at least a bastardization
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of our old look) and a new set of beliefs.
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We're not going to take anybody's crap anymore. Yeah. FYM.
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-*- "It's like sitting down with eight of your grandmas!" -*-
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"GwD,"(our publication, not our group) is now officially titled, "GwD: The
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American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime." If you don't like it, poop on you.
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Our second publication, "GwD Adult", will have its first release soon. This
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adult publication is unique because every issue will be written by a person
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under the age of consent.
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That's right, ADULT TEXT by CHILDREN!
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We'll be the envy of the e-zine world! The first release is delayed, pending an
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investigation into the legality of publishing adult text by children. Any help
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on this would be much appreciated.
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-*- "Ecoterrorists are people, too!" -*-
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As we were wandering the underground, we discovered something interesting about
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ourselves. In a Grene-inspired vision, Seth The Man was told that we (as a
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group) exist to save the environment by ANY MEANS NECESSARY, including the use
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of biological and chemical weapons, and various and sundry other devices
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including weather phenomena such as El Nino. We knew there was a reason we
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picked "GREEN" as our color of choice, and it sure as hell had nothing to do
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with a lame-o local computer geek. Details are forthcoming (in _The Book of
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KeyLime_, the long-awaited guide to Droogism, our quasi-political <or is it
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pseudo-religious?> philosophy.) It won't be much longer now.....
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-*- "Me and my barpas like to kick it at the crib, One Two." -*-
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<from a post on Chaos>
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Okay, listen up. It's come to my attention that some of you lame bastards have
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forgotten the third major food group in your balanced diet. It is, of course,
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cauliflower. The other three are: 1) pizza, 2) taco bell, and 4) sugar and
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spice and everything nice. Don't forget your daily allowance of cauliflower, or
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El Nino will wreak havoc on your bitch ass. That's right, El Nino! GwD
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controls El Nino. Yes sir. And El Nino's gonna kick your ass, if you don't eat
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that cauliflower. Shit, it doesn't even taste that bad. And it can be mixed
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with any of the other three food groups to give them that tangy zip you've been
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looking for!
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Eat cauliflower or die!
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-----
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The previous message was brought to you by The National Association for the
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Advancement of Cauliflower and Similar Products (NAACSP) and its parent company,
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GwD, Inc.
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Thank you for your time.
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-*- "El Nino" -*-
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If you actually bothered to read this far, you may have noticed some talk about
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El Nino. El Nino is a highly destructive tropical storm (we like to call it a
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weather phenomenon) that occurs periodically and basically fucks shit up. Well,
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that's what we here at GwD are all about, so we decided, "Why not make El Nino
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ESPECIALLY DESTRUCTIVE this year?" The answer, of course, was that we have no
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way to control weather patterns. Until now.
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It has long been known (by us, at least) that GwD dr00g Sir Flea can control
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whether or not the sun is out depending on his mood. If you don't believe that,
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you can piss off. GwD dr00gscientists Rory and Jakyl recently discovered
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through independent research how to harness this ability by using samples of Sir
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Flea's saliva and sweat (as well as saliva and sweat samples from the
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populations of several small towns in the American Midwest who have long hidden
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their weather-changing abilities from the general public) to manipulate weather
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patterns. The exact science of this manipulation is classified, but this
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natural ability is harnessed and enhanced. The result is a very powerful and
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destructive weather force. But what does any of this have to do with El Nino?
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Well, earlier when it was stated that we "caused" El Nino, that's not entirely
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true. What did happen is that we ENHANCED El Nino. We made it WORSE. (This is
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why we prefer the term "phenomenon" to "storm.") How did we do this?
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Simple. Zeppelins.
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That's right, we have had 5 old-style (hydrogen-filled) zeppelins orbiting the
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Earth since mid-1995. Until June 1997, they were just spying on "random" people
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in various locations across the globe. But now, they serve a higher purpose.
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They disperse the necessary radiation that causes the winds to be so strong.
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The zeppelins leave nothing but destruction in their path. And that destruction
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is called El Nino.
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Didn't anyone wonder why it's so much stronger this year than normal? Didn't
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anyone notice that the howling winds seem to yell, "GREEEEEEEEEENYYYYYYY!"?
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Sure, the media will cover this up. But it's because of us and our trusty
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zeppelins. We caused the tremendous power of El Nino. And we aren't afraid to
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do something worse in the future, if out demands are not met. What are our
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demands? We'll keep you posted.
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GwD - It's not just a movement anymore. (It's a movement that controls a
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weather phenomenon.)
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-*- "College is overrated." -*-
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Thus spake Bruno, and thus it was.
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GwD has embarked on the college experience, officially. A multitude of dr00gs
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and other such GwD-types went away to college this fall. It was a sad day for
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those of us left behind here at GwD-HQ. Or was it?
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Of course. But only until we realized the purpose Grene had in sending our most
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devout members to the farthest reaches of the globe.
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Distributing us geographically is all part of Her plan to achieve world
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Domination through us. Agents of GwD are working around the clock to recruit
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and brainwash new members from the unsuspecting masses of college students
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across the country and around the world.
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College is a time to learn a skill or two that will help us in the "real world".
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It's also about learning "values" and "growing up." Several dr00gs have already
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learned the value of MODERATION in many things, none of which include alcohol,
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drugs, or sex. Others have gone all out and caused a big ol' ruckus and have
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been forced to clean up their respective messes. The members of GwD are growing
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up. Don't be left in our wake, because that makes us mad. And we wouldn't want
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that.
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We sat down and came up with a list of reasons we're in college. Here it is:
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1) We're going to "give it the old college try."
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2) We're going to find out once and for all the meaning of, "give it the old
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college try."
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3) We're going to branch out, network, and install ourselves in the
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infrastructure of the country's institutions of "higher education."
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4) We're going to have fun and raise hell. Green Hell. (not the Misfits'
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song, either.)
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5) We're going to embark on our "adult lives" and prepare for our "careers"
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happily, knowing deep down that when the time is right, the glorious
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reign of the Goddess Grene will be upon us and we will rule supreme on
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the Earth.
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That's what the College Years of GwD are all about. That and wild partying and
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long distance phone calls at 3:00am while we're drunk.
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Don't fret about it, and hey don't you cry. That really pisses us off. If you
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cry, we're gonna give you something to cry about.
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All in all, the College Years are looking pretty good for the boys and girls at
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your least favorite pseudo-religious/quasi-political/text file group/global
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media empire/right-wing militia/neo-communist group/hardcore porn star guild/
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drug cartel/amway distributor.
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NOTE: GwD (of course) denies allegations that its members have placed stickers
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bearing phrases like, "Porno." (or any other GwD-esque phrase) in bathroom
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stalls of colleges, universities, and gentleman's clubs across the country.
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(Definitely not in stalls at Texas Tech, the University of Texas, Rice, MIT, or
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Trinity, anyway.)
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Also, only the MAJORITY of GwD members have recently entered college. Some have
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been there for years; others have graduated. Some will never go. The group
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itself (as a collective being) IS enrolled in college right now; it began taking
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classes in the Fall of 1997 at Cisco Junior College. It is on Academic
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Probation for the Spring Semester and we expect it to be kicked out.
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If you think ANY of this is lame/silly/whatever, you're absolutely right. So
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don't bother telling us about it.
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GwD -- The College Years: This is gonna hurt you a lot more than it's gonna
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hurt us.
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-*- "GwD Ain't Nothin' Ta F' Wit'" -*-
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"From the slums o' Green-lin, Gwu-Dang Clan strikes again: Bill Hoopuh,
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Sir Flea-uh, Ol' Dirty Croat, Diamond-uh-back, TP the Queen, Yance Sliiide,
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Ghostface Redneck and the one and only Seth Da Man."
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So that was a horrible attempt to rewrite Wu-Tang lyrics. So what? Leave me
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alone.
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-*- "GwD's back. Hide the goats." -*-
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CONTACT:
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The GREENY world Domination Task Force, Inc.
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http://www.geocities.com/Athens/2334/
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ftp://ftp.etext.org/Zines/Greeny/
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gwd@geocities.com
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P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas - 79490
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- for moral, ethical, spiritual, or financial guidance -
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The GwD Task Force, Inc. - Bringing YOU All the Best in Absolute Crap Since 1993
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by Lobo Licious - copyright (c) MCMXCVII GwD, Inc. ***** release date 12-31-97
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-*- GwD - "God, we're Dorks." - GwD -*- GwDN8
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