132 lines
7.8 KiB
Plaintext
132 lines
7.8 KiB
Plaintext
GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD
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T h e G R E E N Y w o r l d D o m i n a t i o n T a s k F o r c e ,
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I n c o r p o r a t e d
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Presents:
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__ __ 666 77777777777
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_____ ____ _| |__| |_ 666 777
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// | \ |_ __ _| 666 777
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|| ____ | || | | | | | 6666666666 777
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|| || \ / | || | _| |__| |_ 6666 6666 777
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\\___// \/\/ |____/ |_ __ _| 666 666 777
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|__| |__| 6666 6666 777
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666666666 777
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"Make Room for Millennium Baby" by Ron Callari
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----- GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime ***** Issue #67 -----
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----- release date: 05-25-99 -----
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[This is being released a little later than intended. Apologies all around.]
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Move over Boomer, they're arriving in millions and packing an attitude!
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During the ides of March, or perhaps on April Fool's Day, 1999, there will be a
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lot of hanky panky going on in this world of ours. In the race to conceive the
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first millennium babies, couplings should reach an all time high. Birthing the
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first offspring of the new millennium will be a goal of many a parent. Their
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connection to this auspicious moment in time will be a way of differentiating
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their heirs from all us ordinary folk (those of us who had the misfortune of
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being children of the 20th vs. 21st century; the last progeny of the 2nd
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millennium vs. the first pioneers of the 3rd).
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Forget the fact that American parents will lose their 1999 tax credit, these
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90's mommas and papas have their eyes on the future. A definite distinction will
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emerge between those that reach Planet Earth on December 31, '99 at 11:59PM and
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those that wail their first tune at 12:00AM, '00. The babies of y2000 will be
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credited with an achievement that they had nothing to do with. It fact, kudos
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should be given to the parents for coinciding a timely push with the ticking of
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the clock on the wall. With one swift jolt, from uterus to first gaping breath,
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these unsuspecting neophytes will be initially unaware of their uniqueness. But
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suffice it to say, their dramatic entrance will forever shift the attention away
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from the baby boomers, the last major population trend-setters. Even the
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McCaugheys' septuplets will take a back seat to this newly-sprung crowd.
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And in anticipation of their arrival, stories are already circulating about
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their VIP status. In Beijing, rumors abound that the WHO (World Health
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Organization) will give preferential treatment to babies born at 00:00:00 in the
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Year 2000. Consequently nubile Beijing women are planning a millennium baby in
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every pot! A subsequent report finds WHO trying to find the culprits WHO started
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this buzz.
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Parents with a sense of drama will look for ways to underscore these births. On
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December 31 some will be checking into suites at the Millenium Hilton (a hotel
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that doesn't even know how to spell the word millennium). Others will visit the
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newly named island of Millennium (claim to fame: island closest to the
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International Date Line and the first location and best vantage point to see the
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first dawn of the new era). By the way, this parcel of land is uninhabited,
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allowing for not just the birth of a millennium baby, but the first Millennium
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Island baby ever. (Somebody ought to consider maternity wards with padded cells
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for this last group). Or if they really wanted to mark the occasion, one could
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theoretically celebrate a millennium birth three times on a transatlantic
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Concorde flight: once in London, once in mid-air and once in NYC.
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A recent forecast estimated 3.9 million American children (now that's a lot of
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pampers) to be born in the year 2000 (give-or-take a few thousand, after some
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are dropped on their heads as a result of the y2k bug shutting down our
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electricity). And since the life expectancy is doubling from the last turn of
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the century, some 70,000 are expected to live to 2100. So, not only are we
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going to have to deal with their egocentricity, (my god) they're going to be
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under foot for a long time.
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On the blessed event eve, you can be assured that you will not miss one second
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of this media coverage. Camera crews from all major networks will be swamping
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maternity wards and standing with stop watches waiting for these little
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sons-of-guns to commence their pompous procession into our everyday lives.
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Parents will be divided into two camps as to what to call these little
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creatures. Millennium-atics will most likely gravitate toward Biblical names
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like Isaiah or Jeremiah, whereas, the other end of the spectrum will be
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selecting futuristic monikers like Skywalker and Leia (euphemistically called a
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MAP, i.e. a Millennium American Princess).
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Their education will be the most expensive ever. Harvard is estimated to rise to
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more than $320,000 in tuition by graduation year 2022. And by that time,
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designer babies will be the order of the day. Yes, our millennium babies will be
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of the age to procreate on their own; and what better way to bring new life into
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the world than to code your own gene pool. Like the selection of a new pair of
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blue jeans (no pun intended), our narcissistic millennium innovators will be
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deciding on specific personality traits for their little ones. Instead of 'one
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pill will make you happy, this pill will make you small,' think about a gene for
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risk-taking, one for patience and another for guilt. That's right, Moms will be
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Moms! After all, in their maternal need to 'push all our buttons,' all the
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modern millennium Moms will have to do is 'install' them!
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Yes, Millennium Baby will bear special focus for years to come. Their every move
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will be documented, their psyches analyzed, their scandals exposed, their music
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favored, their politics voted on -- hey, wait a minute, didn't we all go through
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this once before? Yes but, fellow Boomers, we are much older and wiser now, and
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ready to step out of that Big Brother spotlight. It's been a long road to hoe
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and an arduous task always being the center of attention. It's time to pass that
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gauntlet along to the new kids on the block -- and see how they like it!
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Regards,
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Ron
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http://www.y-two-k.com
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a y2k webzine with a different point of view.
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http://www.roncallari.com
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-----------------------------<GwD Command Centers>------------------------------
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GwDweb: http://www.GREENY.org/
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GwD Publications: http://gwd.mit.edu/
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ftp://ftp.GREENY.org/gwd/
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GwD BBSes: C.H.A.O.S. - http://chaos.GREENY.org/
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Snake's Den - http://www.snakeden.org/
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E-Mail: gwd@GREENY.org
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* GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 *
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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"THE EVIL CHILD MUST DIE" - note on a rock thrown through a window in the film
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_Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers_
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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-+- F Y M -+-
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GR33NY LIK3S mash3d p0tat03s
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MORE THAN FIVE YEARS of ABSOLUTE CRAP! /---------------\
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copyright (c) MCMXCIX Ron Callari :FIGHT THE POWER:
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copyright (c) MCMXCIX GwD, Inc. : GwD :
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All rights reserved - ISSN 1523-1585 \---------------/
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GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD67
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